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Review: Birdman (2014)

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The Perpetual Pissing Contest between Cinema and Stage

[Continuing Our 2015 Academy Award Roundup]

A Film Review of Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Writer, director, producer, Alejandro González Iñárritu has taken it upon himself to make some social commentary regarding the entertainment industry as it pertains to the acting slice of the pie and oh my, he’s got some interesting observations to make. For anyone who has been on the ground floor regarding this current renaissance of comic book blockbuster adaptations, for those who are down with the theater (Broadway or otherwise), for those who follow the entertainment industry and for anyone with even a modest interest in the status of “celebrity,” Birdman has got the goods for an eye-opening adventure. Fans of both the cinema and stage will have layers upon layers of subtext and context to smile, weep and chuckle upon as the story unveils before our eyes. Birdman is a film undeserving of its own mundane title for it easily suggests a limited scope to the vision of its production. I assure you all that viewers who side with big money glam and those that prefer small indie art can build a bridge with a film like this. It is easily one of this past year’s best in every conceivable aspect of the filmmaking process and as of right now has surpassed American Sniper as my favorite to win best picture this year.

Birdman’s story follows former blockbuster superhero actor Riggan Thomson and his attempt to get back into the biz by way of his own, single-handed financing, directing and starring in a stage adaptation Raymond Carver’s What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. However, the audience is taken on a much more surreal journey into Riggan’s mind, ego and distorted sense of self worth as the telekinetic powers of his former “Birdman” persona appear to be playing havoc with the production. What’s most entertaining about this film is the seamless integration of all the action and drama of every scene thanks to a virtual non-existence of cuts. Everything is happening here and now and in this very instant. This film’s composition (cinematography, lighting and setting) establishes an intimate, mise en scène reality upon reality; perspective upon perspective; viewer’s physical placement within the film’s frame of what is actually happening during the setup, rehearsal and debut of this Broadway show. Riggan’s supernaturalism collides with his costars’ personal agendas which reflect the harsh realities of the acting profession and is all consumed by our society which commands infinitely more power than we, ourselves realize in our ability to interact “socially” via the internet. While all this is happening, the audience is also getting an introductory course on the unspoken animosity between stage and screen actors, the nature of prima donnas, the influence of critics, the difficulties of production, and the personal toll of the less disciplined who choose to get into this profession in the first place.

Despite the very interesting use of special effects as well as the placement of these moments during the film, Birdman is primarily a dialogue, driven drama and must therefore have a cast willing to lift that kind of load. Just about every character in this film is either a struggling actor or producer, yet ironically, this entire cast has first-hand experience in mega budget production films: Michael Keaton (Batman 1989), Emma Stone (The Amazing Spider-Man 2012), Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover Trilogy ’09-’13), Naomi Watts (King Kong 2005), Andrea Riseborough (Oblivion 2013) and Edward Norton (The Incredible Hulk 2008). Please note the number of comic book blockbuster adaptations on this list. The names of this cast, independent of its fine performance, is a comedic slap in the face to stage actors due to the roles they fill in Birdman and the fact that despite differences in performances, preparation and processes between stage and screen acting, they are more similar than either side would ever admit. Thus, this production is heavily sided with the cinema, and that’s perfectly all right seeing how it is far more interested in deconstructing Hollywood than Broadway. This is further evidenced by the heavy use of steadi-cam shots to deliver screen perspectives that piggy back Michael Keaton as he walks through the St. James theater and park right in front of Emma Stone’s face when she’s going on about how old and irrelevant her father is. This intimate proximity is an experience the theater can never produce, and it is a style that film actors are comfortable with which aids in the delivery of exceptional individual performances for the cast of Birdman.

Selecting Ed Norton to play the antagonizing golden child of the stage, Mike, was just about the biggest no brainer this side of casting Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man. Norton is a fine actor that brings an experienced touch to a character type that today’s pop culture may or may not have confused for his personality in real life. The fact that his character has specific issues reconciling his stage and true life behavior is equally unsurprising, yet quite satisfying. Playing an actor that doesn’t “play” well with others in a production is yet another ironic link to the fact that he was removed from the potential cast of The Avengers as continuing the role of Bruce Banner/Hulk for true reasons that you and I will probably never know. Mike isn’t a character completely devoid of sympathy as he tries to make sincere observations of life to the naive Sam, which is somewhat invalidated by his sexual interest in her. Mike’s sole concern is the artistic integrity of the stage which may be a front to protect the adoration and ego boost he receives from the theatrical community by being the maverick he’s come to relish.

Zach Galifianakis as Jake the producer does not fill this film’s role as the solitary generator of comedic energy, but he does a fantastic job at doing so. As with Norton’s prima donna, Jake is somewhat of a stereotypical producer whose undefined responsibilities and uniformed status presents a member of the production team that clearly has authority, but is also disconnected from the visceral evolution of the production at hand. Representing the money invested and potential profits made or lost by reviews will never present the most sympathetic character for an audience, but it is Zach’s comedic timing and facial expressions that soften the blow. Jake is an easier character to identify with because most of us aren’t experienced in artistic production, so it’s easy to be completely confused by actors when they are knee deep in their “process.”

Emma Stone plays Sam Thomson, Riggan’s daughter and yet again stereotypes are hard at work in presenting a character the audience has seen before in real life. Being the daughter of a blockbuster actor may have yielded minimal bonding with dad, but plenty of cash to get into fun and trouble with; so much so, that it lands her in rehab. Where oh where have we ever heard of such tragedy that has befallen the sons and daughters of celebrities whose only real challenge in life is living under mommy or daddy’s shadow? Sam is a troubled girl in search of guidance and Emma’s ability to pierce the frame with her giant eyes signify moments to the audience when her character is being sincere as opposed to just mailing it in with a middle finger.

Unsung heroine Amy Ryan as Riggan’s ex wife Sylvia easily delivers the most dramatic performance by a supporting cast member in this film. Representing the one character that is completely removed from the acting/entertainment profession, her interests are simple: the welfare of her daughter as well as her flaky ex-husband. She relates to the rest of us “normies” best because it might seem like no big deal for a former hot shot actor to refinance a home to pay for a pet project, but that’s a big time red flag for people who worry about paying for food, rent, utilities, etc. Sylvia seems like a character with almost saintly levels of patience as she is desperate to anchor Riggan to reality, despite his emotional issues. What I like best about Amy’s performance is the fresh perspective she gives to this “theater scene” with her kind demeanor and practical attitude.

Michael Keaton may not be the only man alive that could have pulled off this part, but he certainly did so phenomenally in Birdman. So let’s quickly examine some past Batmen just for comparative giggles. Adam West is too old and too successful at being a current spoof of his former self. Val Kilmer is certainly removed enough from the current film scene to develop the irrelevant angle, but would require some significant P-90x to get back into “washed-up” physical shape. George Clooney is bigger than any possible role cast in an indie or indie-esque film at this point in his life; so he’s out. Christian Bale has more than enough acting chops for the indie scene, but the content of this film would perhaps be a bit too harsh for the sensitivities of his past work, especially when being critical of acting and actors is the order of the day. What makes Michael Keaton an ideal choice for Riggan Thomson, formerly “Birdman,” is NOT any conceivable personal baggage he may or may not be dragging into it, but his entire filmography and in particularly the range of his past work. Keaton has done action, comedy and drama and his work has been solid (please forget Multiplicity) and it takes that kind of balance to be able to approach this burnt out, actor role in a manner that almost crosses the shameless threshold. He fires up enough anger for his fight with Ed Norton, he plays back every funny beat he picks up on and he can stare down others as well as himself when his character is most vulnerable, pathetic and empowered.

Birdmanis an entertaining cinematic adventure, layered with meaning, filled with great performances and most importantly, is self-reflecting of Hollywood (and Hollywood loves that). Politics always play a role in the Academy process and until the entire system of lobbying or campaigning for films to be recognized in this way is removed or the consuming public gets more transparency regarding the voting process (reveal the counts in every category), politics will be as influential as the base quality of the product. Michael Keaton has one heck of an acting legacy and adding an Academy Award to his accolades would be a hell of a thing, but best actor is still going to Eddie Redmayne. Birdman is my pick for best film not because I enjoy blockbusters or comic book adaptations, but because it’s just that damn good and that damn fun!

Review: NINO #27

Why doesn’t Marvel just re-name this book Pseudo-Spider-Man Redux or Pseudo-Spider-Man Lite? Drop NINO, change a couple of supporting characters, substitute a teenage Spidey, and this story would read the same.

Seriously, this tussle with Carnage is the most blatant copycat of a Spidey story yet. This isn’t Cosmic in any way, shape, or form. It’s just teen Spider-Man re-told for the umpteenth time. I realize that that’s the point of this failed experiment – to try to capture Spider-Magic once again. It’s just a shame that a true Cosmic book with a true, mature, Cosmic hero was replaced by this hackneyed, puerile, juvenile-mentality-oriented nonsense that really belongs in an “all-ages” Spidey book.

I lost interest in Spider-Man in the early 1990’s and have never re-gained a real interest in the character or his rogue’s gallery of villains. I can’t say I have any particular feelings for the Carnage character – but I like him better than NINO, so I was rooting for him. Predictably, unfortunately, and un-realistically he fails in his attempt to kill NINO. Too bad. I’d like to see NINO 6-feet-under where he belongs. The story is just a prolonged and predictable fight with a symbiote, pulling out all the predictable moves and tactics for fighting a symbiote. And it even ends with a predictable Spider-Mannish dropping of the defeated and wrapped-up villain off at Riker’s Island. Seen that story before? Yeah, me too. Yawn.

Since Marvel insists on keeping this book on life support for some as yet unknown reason, they at least need to stop calling it Cosmic. Cosmic is incidental at best in this book and always has been. Loeb just lazily usurped the look, powers, and concepts of a better-conceived true Cosmic hero – watered them down for juvenile consumption, and gave them to a Parker-ish teen screw-up. How many times have you seen that formula? Too many? Yeah, me too.

Duggan has ignored the Cosmic elements for the most part, vainly trying to appeal to a non-existent demographic of pre-teen Spider-Fans. Just as well. Duggan is clearly not a Cosmic writer or fan – and his forays into Cosmic have been deplorably bad. He just needs to stick to copy-catting old Spidey stories and finish driving this book well into the teens in sales so Marvel has no choice but to cancel it. Never fear, though, NINO-zombies – because Duggan won’t take that sound advice and instead has a NINO-ette coming down the pike for you in a totally un-necessary (and doubtlessly frightfully bad) redux of Infinity Gauntlet. Yeah, since NINO isn’t working, the thing to do is double-down on the failed concept and validate the previously un-true comparisons with GL by creating a Red NINO-ette. Tell me Duggan, do you have any original ideas? First you copy-cat original Spidey. Now you’re going to try to copy-cat Starlin and GL? And do a Miles Morales treatment of NINO in the process? I swear, it’s almost funny that Marvel just keeps making bad things worse.

This issue’s cover art is particularly bad. I’ve always deplored the Manga-fying of the Nova uniform to make NINO, and this cover looks like an image from a cheap video game magnifying all the Kamen Riders and Mega-Man meets Power Rangers rip-offs that are part and parcel of the NINO uniform. The interior art ranges from sub-average to average at best. Curiel does a fine job with the colors, but he admittedly has little with which to work and his talents would be better spent on a better book.

If you’re a true Cosmic fan, vote with your dollars and leave this title on the shelf. Boycott Duggan’s upcoming IG redux, too. And especially boycott this Black Vortex trash with its hackneyed “absolute power corrupts absolutely” simplistic message that could have been told in one issue and isn’t deserving of an “event.” Seriously, compare this current fare to Annihilation, Annihilation: Conquest, War of Kings, Realm of Kings, Nova Volume IV, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume II, and Guardians 3000 – books that actually respected the Cosmic concepts and the fans of the Cosmic concepts. The current “lowest-common-denominator of comics buyer fare” (i.e. NINO, GotGINO, LSLINO, RRINO) will come up sorely lacking every time. It’s time we sent Marvel a message that their current “turn Cosmic into a juvenile farce to appeal to the lowest-common-denominator of comic buyer” strategy is a failure.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #24 (Bendys)

Yeah, I know this is a crossover book in an event – but to me it’s just more of Bendis focusing on the characters he really wants to write, Avengers and X-Men, and continuing to write the Guardians as guest-stars in their own book.

Poor Drax. Bendis just can’t get his characterization right. In this issue, he’s raves about the vortex being a “tool of the devil” as if he’s one of the psychotic people you see living on the streets of any large city. Does that sound like Starlin’s Drax? Or Giffen’s/DnA’s Drax? Or even the imitation of Gunn’s Drax that Bendys is apparently shooting for, but like a bad marksman, just keeps missing? Nope. This is definitely Bendys’ Drax – no defined personality and just around to make random stupid comments and to occasionally punch something.

Did anyone else find the “lover’s quarrel” between Starlord and Kitty just flat out annoying? Again, something out of a bad sitcom where the guy wants to do something stupid and the oh-so-much-wiser girl tries to talk him out of it but he does it anyway and, of course, he’s wrong. Seen that anywhere before? How many times? And Bendis zombies criticize me for calling Bendis’ writing hackneyed.

I will say that I liked Gamora’s upgrade – but only because it restored her to the bad-girl/bad-ass characterization of Giffen/Dna along with a version of her sexy Annihilation-era costume. The rest of the upgrades were real yawners. And horror-of-horrors, NINO makes an appearance at the end and gets upgraded into – you guessed it – and even more manga-ish uniform! Seriously, let’s just make the little idiot the Power Ranger that he is and sweep him into the dustbin of comicdom where he belongs.

It’s fitting that G3K and GotGINO were released in the same week so we could perform a direct compare-and-contrast between the two books bearing the Guardians name. G3K remains an awesome read that treats the Cosmic concepts, characters, and fans with seriousness and respect. GotGINO continues to be a parody of Cosmic. To make a cinematic comparison, G3K is to GotGINO, as 2001: A Space Odyssey is to Spaceballs. Sorry, Mel Brooks fans, I don’t mean that as a compliment.

I’m not a big fan of Schiti’s art in general, but I will say it was a fine grade of average this time out. Keith’s colors were quite well done.

In sum, with Bendys at the helm, GotGINO remains a waste of color glossy paper. If you’re a true Cosmic fan, the best thing you could do is leave this on the shelf along with NINO, LSLINO, and RRINO – and instead buy multiple copies of G3K. In other words, use your money to support true Cosmic – and leave the parodies of cosmic to die deaths of cash starvation.

Movie News Reviews

Review: The Theory Of Everything

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Defying the Laws of Physics

[Continuing Our 2015 Academy Award Roundup]

A Film Review of The Theory of Everything

Yet another period piece about a British super genius is up for a series of Academy Awards including best picture this year. The Theory of Everything is an indie biopic (with Hollywood level production value) that tells the tale of Stephen Hawking based on the first hand written accounts of his wife, Jane. Hawking is globally known for his contributions in the field of physics, but perhaps more so for the physical status that his motor neuron disease has restricted him to. The man in the chair with the robotic voice has been a concept that has been the subject of pop cultural mockery as well as productive social and scientific discussion. Yet, his journey from seemingly healthy Cambridge student to the man he would become has never absorbed into the mainstream. This film does an excellent job at giving the audience an abridged, but emotionally poignant vision of his young adult life amidst the framework of a love story with his wife to be.

Presenting the film in this manner allows director James Marsh to make the story more accessible to a wider audience not necessarily interested in scientific jargon and intellectual rhetoric. Yes, Hawking is a scientific genius, but the man’s impact on the world is more than just numbers and theories. Thus, we see Hawking in love, with his family and struggling to balance it all with his research and his disease. It does much to humanize the often seen as “larger than life” Hawking because more people can identify with family struggles and illness than the thermodynamics of singularities. What follows is an endearing tale of determination as every new chapter in Hawking’s life is sideswiped by another segment of his body breaking down and the effort made to overcome it. What makes this film more artistic than a History Channel documentary is the fact that cinematographer Benoit Delhomme decorates his frames with dynamic angles and lighting to artificially infuse some magic behind the mystery of Hawking’s life. The filmmakers are attempting to link the almost otherworldly sight of Hawking’s mind with the imagination of the viewer not necessarily to demonstrate how alpha humans’ take on the world is innately superior, but that different perspectives can be inspired from the most unlikely of circumstances. Being able to recognize these brief moments in time and seizing them represents some of life’s most magical instances of serendipity.

Unlike fellow best picture nominee The Imitation Game, this film is not being mired with inauthentic accounts or some other form of historical heresy. Naturally, it helps any biopic if the bullet points of history are altered as seldom as possible, but creative license is inevitable as the adaptation is only undertaken for its potential for profit. This film had the blessing and approval of the Hawking family, and Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones in particular were given personal, first hand confidence by Stephen Hawking and Jane Wilde respectively for their efforts made in this endeavor. Not every biographical adaptation has the luxury of having this level of contact (if at all) with the original subjects, but this is the kind of credibility that is all but infallible. Granted, even this film is not perfect regarding the presentation of every fact and detail, but the spirit of authenticity is maintained throughout.

As with almost every other nominee for best picture this year, there is a noteworthy absence of action and this always has the potential of losing an audience regardless of the content, context, genre or scope of any film production. By “action,” I don’t necessarily mean explosions, combat, gunplay or violence in some form. Movement within the frame and/or movement of the frame can do much to keep our eyes stimulated and our minds more focused on the narrative as a result. A movie completely devoid of movement may be an experimental videographer’s wet dream, but isn’t a particularly satisfying or effective “moving picture.” Action in The Theory of Everything literally starts off at the races, but is in a constant state of decay from the film’s very first minutes until the final credits roll. Obviously, the content of this film parallels this imagery and must therefore disallow any semblance of acrobatic choreography for its characters within the frame. Perhaps the frame itself could have been moved a bit more with tracking shots, pans and tilts as some form of compensation? There’s a difference between dramas and “dialogue-driven” dramas and the visual presence of action is that difference.

Besides Patricia Arquette’s performance in Boyhood, Felicity Jones’ portrayal of Jane Wilde (Hawking’s first wife) is another marquee performance by a female lead in the films up for best picture. I must admit to not having been blown away by this year’s leading ladies overall, which I also admit is a loaded statement considering the male centric nature of filmmaking as an art form. Besides films like Gone Girl and Still Alice (projects completely centered on the performance of the female lead) women have been completely overshadowed by their male counterparts. This easily could have been the case for Felicity Jones as her costar is portraying Stephen f*ing Hawking of all people. However, Jane is a character that cannot be ignored as she becomes the audience’s anchor to the emotional toll diseases like ALS has on the families of the diagnosed. Jones is masterful at morphing from love struck innocence to burned-out housewife with such subtlety, that the audience is barely aware at her character’s shift in status. Jane begins every bit the wide eyed, eager youth and matures into a confidant and competent woman at her wit’s end thanks to the path she willingly chose years ago. Look for even greater performances from Felicity Jones in the very near future.

Now I’d like to introduce you to this year’s Academy Award winner for best actor in a leading role: Eddie Redmayne. He may not be the best looking actor out there, but he has the true performance skills to discover a character, make it his own and then make it connect with his audiences. Seeing some of the stills from the film paired side by side with actual photographs of Hawking at the time is almost shocking how the hair, costume and make-up teams transformed Redmayne into a virtual doppleganger. Eddie displays the same command of the scene, intimate facial expression and eye piercing charisma of every other esteemed actor nominated for Oscar gold, but the one thing that separates him from everyone else is the physicality he demonstrates in his role. Wait, what? Physicality? Isn’t Stephen Hawking that wheelchair guy? Yes, yes, we’ve been through that, but the fact remains that Eddie Redmayne does not have ALS and the conscious physicality required of him in every scene that calls for the virtual deletion of parts of his body as the film progresses is immense. We haven’t seen a performance of such titanic disempowerment since Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. Towards the end of the film, when Hawking is at his weakest, Redmayne is working his hardest. No other actor has reached this level of intimacy with his or her character on film this year. The only thing that could possibly prevent his victory on Oscar night is politics.

The Theory of Everything is a fine film that showcases some very impressive filmmaking despite a very meager budget of $15 million dollars. Those interested in learning more about Stephen Hawking, the man (as opposed to the science) should certainly check this out at your earliest convenience. Eddie Redmayne delivers a great performance for a great role and it isn’t to be missed by any who claim to be fans of the cinema. However, I would not pick this film as a favorite to walk away with the grand prize of best picture overall. Other films (American Sniper and Boyhood) have made equally meaningful commentary on life but have done so with significantly higher entertainment value. The Theory of Everything is a film that can be appreciated by anyone, but may not necessarily be for everyone.

Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #5

Now THIS is Marvel Cosmic!

While Bendis, Humphries, Duggan, and Young have been busy turning Cosmic into a bad situation comedy, Abnett, in five fantastic issues of G3K, has single-handedly taught a master class as to how Cosmic should be done.

Abnett’s G3K is the superior antithesis to rest of what Marvel is calling Cosmic these days. In contrast to Bendis, Humphries, Duggan, and Young, Abnett respects the subject matter and the characters – using the situation and the special abilities of each character as a source of drama in approaching the problems to be addressed rather than an excuse for buffoonery aimed at getting some cheap laughs. That alone places G3K light years above the paltry efforts of Bendis, Humphires, Duggan, and Young – but there’s more.

Abnett weaves a complex, exciting, and fast-paced tale with high-stakes consequences not only for each of the protagonists, but also for the entire known universe. The pressure is on for this small group of heroes as their actions will have consequences for everyone and everything.

Abnett has nailed the portrayal of the Starlord of the future. While everyone else is busy vainly trying to imitate Gunn’s portrayal of Starlord from the GotG movie, Abnett gets Starlord back to his roots – both in terms of uniform and characterization. It is a refreshing change for the better.

In another refreshing change for the better, in the scant few pages given Rael Rider, she outshines the entire run of Loeb’s/Duggan’s deplorable NINO. It is very satisfying to see a bright, tough, mature, effective Nova for a change. We haven’t seen that since Marvel dumped Rich Rider and replaced him with the idiotic NINO. At least we know there’s a better future for Xandar that doesn’t include NINO but does include some descendants of Earth’s true Nova, Rich Rider.

Each of the original Guardians team has their own voice and their own unique part to play in the grand scheme of the story. Contrast that with Bendis’ lazy storytelling on his Garbage of the Galaxy book where the characterization is so bad that nearly any character could easily be replaced by any other character.

The art has been the weakest link on this book from the start with very mixed feelings being expressed by many of the fans of this series. Some find it tolerable while others are really turned off. I have to say that the artist’s style has grown on me, and I find it much more tolerable than I found it in issue #1. That being said, I would like to see another artist’s take on Abnett’s concepts. Delgado’s colors once again serve to soften the extremes of Sandoval’s artistic portrayals of our iconic Guardians. Ross’ cover art is simply outstanding.

In sum, Abnett in five issue has managed to outshine the entirety of the efforts of Bendis, Duggan, Humphries, and Young. Sadly, the zombies prefer pablum over true quality – so this book is probably doomed. I urge all true Cosmic fans to get behind this book and do all you can to promote it to your friends, since Marvel is pretty much ignoring it and pouring all their marketing efforts into the pablum. This book is Marvel’s only true Cosmic book. Enjoy it while you can.

Comic Book News

The Walking Dead’s Star-Crossed Lovers

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Love Is Strange

By: Chris “The DOC” Bushley

Warning Spoilers Dead Ahead

With Cupid slinging arrows and plastic wrapped boxes of chocolates piled throughout every store, it’s safe to say that Valentine’s Day is quickly upon us. As you waded through crowds to pick out just the perfect card for your loved ones, you may have missed that the world of comics was full of romance as well. Miss Harley Quinn was paying an awful lot of money to get Bruce Wayne in the boudoir, Silk and Spidey were content to just hold each other after the events of the epic Spider-Verse conclusion and Barry Allen was dealing with some second date “quickness” issues on the CW’s The Flash! But none of the romantic scenario’s can compare to the tale of first love in the pages of The Walking Dead #137.

Throughout the past few months, Robert Kirkman has taken his cast of survivors and launched them two years into the future. Rick Grimes and company have established a world of peace, inner trade and prosperity but nothing has changed more than Carl Grimes and his onset of puberty. He has decided to become his own man and, with the blessing of his father, has taken up an apprenticeship and moved to the Hilltop. There he is reunited with his best friend, Sofia, and they spend almost every waking moment together. But alas, their budding feelings are put on hold as both of them are attacked by two boys, and as Carl runs away, they continue to pummel Sofia. The “knight in shinning eye patch” returns with a shovel and nearly kills the boys before he picks up Sofia and runs for help. Carl’s valiant save of Sofia changes the entire dynamic of the Hilltop however as the boys’ parents call for brutal retribution for the beatings and Maggie, leader of the Hilltop, places Carl in jail to appease the masses. While there, Carl befriends a fellow prisoner, Lydia, a pretty girl that is a member of the Whisperers, a roaming group of people that wear the flesh of others so they can blend in with the walkers. Lydia is there because she was part of a group that killed some of the Hilltop’s patrolmen. As things progress, a friendship blooms between these two imprisoned teens and eventually Carl gives her his father’s hat as a reminder that you can get through anything. Eventually, both Carl and Lydia are released and Carl is solely responsible for Lydia’s actions while she is free. So, like most new friendships, he threatens to kill her if she harms anyone. As the day winds down, the two teens from different lifestyles , settle upon a quiet hilltop on the outskirts of town. Hormones rise to the surface and Lydia tells Carl she likes him and Carl reciprocates. She asks him why he wears glasses with an eyepatch covering one lens, Carl cringes and asks her not to touch the glasses, that it is gross and doesn’t want her to see. Lydia finally steals the glasses and sees Carl’s damaged face and hollow eye socket. But instead of being repulsed, she gently licks the socket and exclaims, “I think it’s sexy.” Appalled and confused, Carl lets Lydia lay him down and the two star-crossed lovers take the final step in changing Carl from a boy to a man.

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Nothing says,”I love you” like a good ol‘ eye socket lick! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Comic Book News

Review: The Walking Dead #137

Robert Kirkman has taken us on many trips throughout the series of The Walking Dead. Some have been overtly brutal, encompassing the horror that man can bestow upon one another in heartless, meaningless ways. Some have been more introverted, focusing on the development of the characters as they soul search their way through their world, becoming better or worse for it. He has dealt with death and birth consistently, shocking readers with every turn. This week’s issue will shock you like you have never been shocked before, and I guarantee it will get fans more in a frenzy than the newest episode on AMC!

As Kirkman’s two year jump ahead in time has left several changes and characters (where is Michonne!) up for question, there is one thing that is obvious, little Carl is no longer little! He has not only become a legend in the world of TWD, but he has also become a young man that is trying to find his own place in that world. He is not under the watchful eye of his father anymore and his decisions, like most adolescents, may not always be the best choice. As fans lost their minds after last month’s tale where Carl gave the captive, Lydia, his father’s hat, the most revered item in all of TWD fandom; so too will they be in an uproar over the choice he makes in this issue. It is one that will forever change, not only Carl, but the dynamic of the entire storyline. It puts the tale into a domino effect that will encompass everything.

The second story thread deals with Maggie and the aftermath of Carl’s vicious beating of two boys that attacked him and Sofia. As leader of the Hilltop, Carl’s actions have made her a target and puts her leadership into question. A coup has been brewing but due to Maggie’s focus on interrogating the imprisoned, Lydia, to find out more about the Whisperers, it has gone unnoticed by the rank and file. Underhandedness ensues and by issues end, the future of the Hilltop is in question.

Another fantastic issue that delves deep into the trappings of youthful foolishness and the ramifications it has. We have all made bad choices due to the fluttering of the heart but in the world of TWD, adolescent fervor can lead to a most deadly outcome! Fantastic issue!

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #23 (Bendys)

Bendis has an uncanny ability to take the awe, majesty, mystery, and wonder of the cosmos and turn it into something petty, pedestrian, hackneyed and mundane. Such has been his tenure on GotG (in name only).

He also has the uncanny ability to treat the GotGINO cast like guest-stars in their own book. He clearly wants to be writing Avengers stories and working with Avengers characters. We’re consistently having Avengers shoe-horned onto this team (when there are better cosmic characters going unused – Bug, Mantis, Moondragon, to name but a few), and the storylines are consistently built around the Avengers characters. This dreadful and seemingly endless Venom storyline is one example. I’m sure we have some Captain Ms. Marvel storylines to look forward to with dread as well.

On the other hand, since he’s made the GotGINO team into cardboard cut-outs of their former selves, one has to ask oneself if it really matters if they’re given short shrift in their own book – particularly since the zombies keep buying this tripe no matter how poor the quality.

Bendis accomplishes what he really wants to accomplish, though. He rebuilds Venom into a real powerhouse – just in time for Marvel’s reboot. In getting there, we have to suffer through an absolutely non-thrilling pseudo-adventure on the planet of the Symbiotes including an implausible and ponderous soliloquy from the Symbiotes explaining their entire back story and motivations.

The GotG team of characters developed by DnA have obvious proven potential for greatness. I point to the greatness of the Volume II concepts which inspired the top earning movie of 2014. The sad thing is, instead of expanding on the greatness of Volume II, Bendis has now produced 23 issues of squandered opportunities to build on the greatness of Volume II and has instead focused on tearing down everything that made Volume II great. Rumor is that Gunn is using more DnA-written material as the inspiration for his GotG movie sequel. What does that tell you, Bendis defenders? It should be telling you that Bendis‘ attempt to create an “Avengers-Lite” situation-comedy-oriented team in space has been a miserable creative failure that has wisely been deemed unworthy of use by the Marvel Cinematic Universe decision makers. Steadily falling sales should also be telling you that at least a portion of the zombies are waking up and rightfully dropping this book.

Once again in this issue, Bendis‘ characterization is completely off kilter – especially for Drax. He just can’t seem to write Drax properly. Maybe if he was not so threatened by the better characterizations of Giffen and DnA, he could get Drax right simply by embracing the superior characterization of the past. Of course, the same could be said of his characterizations of Rocket, Groot, Gamora, and Star-Lord.

I must say that the cover art featuring Rocket is magnificent. The interior art and coloring are mediocre at best. In the long shots, the characters are poorly formed – and in some of the close-ups, it’s nearly impossible to tell Star-Lord and Flash Thompson apart.

Next issue begins a new arc. You guessed it if you guessed that Bendis is doubling-down on madcap for the next arc. He’s going to tell the story of how Star-Lord got elected to office as President of Spartax without ever running for office. Were you looking forward to that one? No – I wasn’t either. Sigh.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO #26

It’s funny that this book was created to capture a desperately desired but near non-existent demographic of buyers aged 12 and under, but has instead really just captured about 20,000 adult-aged comic book buyers who have the mentality of age 12 or under and are slap-happy to be treated to sub-par retellings of tired old comic book tropes.

Duggan is simply not up to the task of telling a truly cosmic story. Instead, he admittedly and shamelessly simply copies teen Spider-Man storylines from days gone by. In this issue, he explores the consequences of NINO unwisely revealing his secret identity to the super-villain, Carnage. The predictable consequences and fight outcome ensue. Yawn.

As usual, I was rooting for the villain. Carnage murdering NINO would have been the optimal (and realistic) outcome, but alas, Marvel has to recoup their excessive and unwise investment in NINO, so he implausibly survives. You’d think this would be the final straw for his mother, whose life is threatened by Carnage. Yet, she implausibly continues to demonstrate that she is in no way fit to raise children as she continues to encourage NINO to risk his life, her life, and the life of NINO’s sister. As I said, it would take a 12 or under mentality to ignore all the implausibility.

When I think of all the truly innovative books that sold about the same as or better than NINO that Marvel could have kept on life-support – such as Incredible Hercules, Young Allies, Nova Volume IV, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume II, Agents of Atlas, to name a few – I just shake my head in disgust that Marvel would continue to pour resources into this unworthy tripe in their thus far vain attempt to force it to be successful. Seriously, only a ComicBookResources reviewer (aka Marvel Shill) could love this book.

We get a brief update on NINO’s unfit father, Jesse, as well. It seems the poor sap is lost in space along with a crew of equally mentally challenged idiots. It seems the idiot apple, NINO, didn’t fall too far from the tree.

The art has typically been the only saving grace of this book, but as the sales of this book have rightly fallen off the cliff – so has the art. The cover art is amateurish and the interior art is poorly constructed as well. NINO looks less like an annoying 15-year-old character and more like a 20-something-year-old character. Curiel does his typical fine job with colors, but his talents are wasted on this book.

So join most of the rest of the comic book world and leave this book on the shelf. Let’s make 2015 the year NINO bites the dust.

Movie News Reviews

Review: The Imitation Game (2014)

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Facsimile of History

[Continuing our 2015 Academy Award Roundup]

A Film Review of The Imitation Game

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to another World War II dramatic period piece because 1) why not? 2) it is always difficult to ignore during award season and 3) The number of brilliant individuals whose singular contributions to this highly romanticized global conflict is seemingly endless as their tales continue to enter the mainstream. I have an admitted fatigue with WW II films because they’ve become just as predictable as zombie films, are more concerned with glorifying heroism (and violence) than anything else and between movies, TV and video games; I’m just sick and tired of seeing Nazis in any capacity. Enter The Imitation Game, a film that tells a story of British mathematician Alan Turing who invented a machine that broke Nazi Germany’s Enigma codes which was instrumental in turning the tide in the Allies’ favor in the European Theatre. Unlike American Sniper, this is not a war film that takes the audience to the front lines, but rather gives us a glimpse into the technical and strategic think tanks that have essentially made the evolution of war infinitely more efficient in its brutality than the use of sticks and stones. Expect lots of dialogue, a minimum of action and a healthy regimen of expert acting.

One more thing to expect is a significant amount of criticism regarding the “facts” of this film and the manner in which they are portrayed. Quite frankly, historians are foaming at the mouth to bite into the multitude of inaccuracies made for the purpose of enhanced drama and I am shocked, SHOCKED, to learn of this scandalous situation. Actually, I am not. I would like to think that those who frequent the cinema often enough would be aware of the truth regarding “reel” history, but for those who accept everything they see and hear as the absolute truth, let me make this abundantly clear. Film adaptations (Hollywood or otherwise) are works of fiction. They are not documentaries which are indeed works of non-fiction and should therefore be viewed as entertainment first and secondly, as an invitation to research actual recorded history should the story peak one’s interest.

Although The Imitation Game credits biographer Andrew Hodges’ book “Alan Turing: The Enigma” as the basis for its screen story, this film has no interest in simply recreating a series of bullet points in Turing’s life. Even if the creative license at work by director Morten Tyldum and screenwriter Graham Moore has been stretched beyond acceptable limits, it is still a work of fiction. Perhaps critics are frustrated that the possible slander of Turing’s legacy, as suggested by moments in the film, is the lasting impression that will be absorbed into the global culture’s zeitgeist. My suggestion is that if this film’s offenses are that outrageous, and then address the situation with a documentary that calls out the inaccuracies by concerning itself with being educational about the facts. Sniping at it from the academic pulpit without something more productive behind the criticism will be met with apathy and that’s usually the way any controversy regarding the entertainment industry’s mucking up of history plays out.

Thus, accepting this screen story as fiction, The Imitation Game gradually unveils its true message through a series of flashbacks in Alan Turing’s life that most frequently visits his active Enigma work at Bletchley Park. Brought up to be a intellectual from boyhood, Turing’s apparent weakness as a human being turns out to be social interaction and as often as this story highlights the tragic effects of his personality quirks, it also provides moments of genuine comedy which forced me to laugh out loud in the theatre on more than one occasion. The interesting aspect of this story is that although it is primarily concerned with the human effort put into cracking Enigma, it does have secondary and tertiary agendas at work. As the story progresses, we realize that it has much more to do with Turing’s personal life, the moments that shaped it and the possible reasons for his rabid desire to do what most deemed impossible outside of surviving and ultimately winning the war against Nazi Germany.

The story’s perspective also flashes forward periodically to Turing’s life post WW II and the police investigation regarding his personal affairs. These moments are amongst the most contentious for the historians and a bit for me due to the aforementioned third agenda regarding sexuality that seemed to come out of nowhere. The final moments of this film are literally spelled out for the audience via superimposed text which explains the aftermath of Turing’s death. Because the previous ¾ of the film had not been actively pursuing this angle in Turing’s life beyond mild hinting, this dénouement felt a bit awkward in how it was shoehorned in considering the seriousness of its message. This last minute curveball dilutes the message of tolerance and I wonder if this film would have been better served had these moments were cut all together. Tolerating Alan Turing as a character was framed within the concept of him being an intellectual elitist and an impersonal narcissist. His redemption was a genuine ignorance of other people’s feelings and opinions and the effort he made to bridge the gap of understanding (much like the effort that was not reciprocated to him by British society at the time).

This film is an entirely dialogue driven drama and one of its weaknesses is its ability to connect the film’s most interesting moments (anything involving Turing at Bletchley) to the devastation of WW II. There are a couple of action scenes that show subs, ships and tanks at various fronts, but they are very short vignettes to remind the viewer that a war is in fact going on, but it isn’t lasting and not particularly satisfying for action junkies. There is also one scene that shows Turing himself riding a bicycle through a recently bombed part of a city, but again this plays the role of one of those “reminder” scenes. Playing the balancing game between action and dialogue scenes is never an easy task, but at the end of the day, the editor can only mix in whatever footage has been captured (or CG generated) in the first place. In the case of this film the only reliable change in tempo or scenery throughout are the flashes to the different points in Turing’s life.

An excellent cast was assembled to support the protagonist in this story as contributions from Mark Strong, Charles Dance, Matthew Goode and Keira Knightley deliver respectable performances, but such is to be expected from these veterans. This film (like American Sniper and The Theory of Everything) is one that ultimately boils down to one performance and its singular journey; namely Benedict Cumberbatch as Alan Turing. If you missed him in Star Trek Into Darkness or the Sherlock TV series, The Imitation Game is an excellent opportunity to see this actor produce an absolute tour de force when it comes to dramatic acting for the silver screen. As an introvert, Turing isn’t a particularly interesting character, but then he is forced to work with his colleagues and Cumberbatch revs up his awkward charm and sharp comedic timing. The regal nature of his baritone voice easily establishes and maintains Turing’s intellectual domination in every scene. However, where Cumberbatch truly shines is in every scene where Turing meets with heartbreaking failure, frustration or defeat. Cumberbatch takes every ounce of negative energy to heart and channels his reaction so personally that the audience feels it in every tear he sheds. Those believing Benedict Cumberbatch to be nothing more than a character actor with robotic tendencies are in for a rude awakening upon the screening of this film.

Few WW II films have shown less combat scenes during its runtime than The Imitation Game, but fewer have shown the little people behind the scenes that developed the technology, research and strategy that was clearly the difference between victory and defeat. The code breakers at Bletchley may not have spilled blood on the battlefield, laid waste to an enemy platoon with a machine gun or piloted a single bomber into the heart of the enemy stronghold, but their efforts and Turing’s in particular, saved England. Despite some of the historical inaccuracies, I found this film to be entertaining enough at telling aspects of Turing’s life. The production could certainly have benefitted from more focus in its narrative, but it remains to be seen how much the audience will care when Benedict Cumberbatch’s performance resonates so profoundly. However, when you factor in the historic faux pas and the multitude of hidden messages that are heavily back loaded towards the film’s final act, I couldn’t say that this film has a realistic chance at winning Best Picture. It is a good film that deserves the viewer’s consideration for the outstanding performance of Benedict Cumberbatch.

Movie News Reviews

Review: The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

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Yet, Another Wes Anderson Film

[Continuing our 2015 Academy Award Roundup]

A Film Review of The Grand Budapest Hotel

Hollywood is rife with reboots, remakes, adaptations and re-imaginations and despite some of these projects still making enough profit across the board to continue justifying that business model, audiences have all but fully accepted that originality in La La Land is dead. This lack of originality cannot be said of Wes Anderson and his movies as this particular writer/director has effectively invented his own sub-genre of filmmaking that I would best describe as folk-comedy. Of course, one only needs to watch but one Wes Anderson film to understand his style and eccentricity because it is carbon copied without fail in all of his pictures. There isn’t a lot of action, there is plenty of narration, and there are whimsical selections of background music as well as a number of select Hollywood A-Listers that are apparently at Anderson’s beck and call whenever he’s written a new film. Wes Anderson has made a career at crafting his own films, telling his own stories and essentially answers to no one and that’s the kind of autonomy most filmmakers in Hollywood secretly covet, yet are unwilling to make the compromises required to attain it. The Grand Budapest Hotel is a Hollywood-ish production with the heart of an Indie, but viewers beware: Wes Anderson films are acquired tastes so if your idea of comedy is Will Ferrell, please look elsewhere.

The story of The Grand Budapest follows the exploits of Gustave H, the charming, womanizing concierge of the hotel whose dedication to his post would rival a clergyman’s. He mentors and befriends the hotel’s lobby boy, Zero and the two proceed to get entangled in a murder mystery (of sorts) of an insanely wealthy and elderly woman whom Gustave was involved with sexually. Mind you, this whole story is also being told as a flashback from the perspective of an elderly Zero who happens to be the current owner of the hotel in what is established as the present time of the film. What starts off as a fairly mundane drama morphs into an absurd “whodunit” featuring some improbable twists of fate to further heighten the ridiculous series of events that appears to set Gustave up as the primary culprit. This screen story isn’t some overdressed metaphor regarding today’s society nor is it some ambiguous commentary regarding the past. There is no hidden agenda. It is a simple, somewhat hilarious adventure that is about friendship and the special extended family that is the circle of premium hotels and their staffs. This is a film that ultimately relies on telling the story to the audience through narration and dialogue as opposed to showing with action. Prepare yourselves for this fact in addition to the eccentric formality of its delivery, further enhancing the overall absurdity which is never acknowledged by the film’s characters.

The Grand Budapest Hotel is not a film one could easily argue for as being “seminal” and if that is the case, one could also easily ask why this film is even in the final 8. What I said in my review of Boyhood regarding this year’s Indie love applies to this film as well. Big studio losses yield smaller films’ gain and although Wes Anderson films retain the spirit of true independence, there are a number of factors that clearly elevate their status to established studio productions. A $30 million dollar budget, distribution through Fox Searchlight and a cast that includes Ray Fiennes, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Harvey Keitel, Jude Law, Bill Murray, Ed Norton, Tilda Swinton, Tom Wilkinson and even Owen Wilson – well, let’s just say that any Indie film would kill to have any one of these individuals, budget or distribution as part of its production. Beyond these factors, The Grand Budapest Hotel belongs with the other nominees thanks to exceptional set design, cinematography, performances and ability to entertain. Even if the scope of the film in question doesn’t have monumental questions about life to challenge, it doesn’t mean that simpler ideas cannot have an equally moving effect on the audience.

I mentioned earlier how the audience is in on the absurdity of this series of unfortunate events despite the ignorance of all its characters. That’s where Wes Anderson’s sense of comedy originates, but the fact that his cast plays these events as seriously as a WW II drama (or thereabouts) is what allows the sophisticated banter throughout to not be misconstrued as a dainty passing of mere poop jokes. Fully engaged and interested performances are had by all (including the previously mentioned A-Listers) which is essential to a Wes Anderson film. Without this level of dedication, his movies become sub-pedestrian. Unfortunately, the volume of big names afford little opportunity for most of them to shine within this narrative as Gustave and Zero hog most of the screen time.

Tony Revolori generates a fine performance as the eager to learn and underappreciated lobby boy, Zero. The audience certainly is introduced to the world of The Grand Budapest through his eyes as we learn what being a true professional in the hotel business is all about, along with some helpful tips to navigate some of the other tumultuous waters in life. His character certainly starts off being very sheepish in relation to Gustave, but his character grows and the audience can appreciate his evolution into that of a peer. The key to Revolori’s performance is maintaining a certain level of innocence about Zero, despite his experiences and moments of self incrimination. After all, a lobby boy must know and learn at the same time so innocence in the face of intimidation is something we can all identify with.

This film, however, is all about Ray Fiennes and his quest for Oscar vindication. Well, perhaps that’s being a tad overzealous because if Voldemort wanted such praise, he would command it via the cruciatus curse. Seriously though, Fiennes approaches the role of Gustave with the same level of professionalism he applied at the Royal National Theatre. Although this character isn’t nearly as appalling as a Nazi War criminal or as intriguing as a Count desiring to be euthanized (both roles he was nominated for in Schindler’s List and The English Patient respectively), Gustave allows Fiennes an opportunity to fully engage his own, personal charm. Gustave’s arrogance isn’t too domineering, his attention to detail isn’t too obsessive and his appetite for wealthy hags isn’t too disgusting. They are all just enough before crossing the line into the realm of the anti-hero with the help of one other area of motivation: his religious care and dedication for the hotel establishment in his charge. Love for one’s job or profession engenders dignity and exemplary self-worth and this elevated demeanor is masterfully maintained throughout by Fiennes and it generates a healthy amount of charisma about him. Gustave may have invited the negative attention he receives for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, but the audience cannot help but sympathize for him because he really doesn’t deserve it.

Every scene in a Wes Anderson film is like a rectangle of framed art with live motion within. Characters are constantly looking through the screen and at its audience. Close ups are very intimate. These scenes leave the infusion of meaning and beauty entirely in the eyes of the viewer. This is the style of The Grand Budapest Hotel and although this film is entertaining enough featuring some excellent performances, I don’t expect this film to be a serious contender on Oscar night. Ray Fiennes certainly has better odds at winning that elusive Oscar gold, but with very serious competition in the best leading male category from the likes of Bradley Cooper and Benedict Cumberbatch, it’s far too difficult to predict.

Movie News Reviews

Review: Boyhood (2014)

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Growing Up Is Hard To Do

A Film Review of Boyhood

Greetings readers! Hopefully you all had a good holiday season, but this is a new year and that means the Hollywood Award circuit is in full effect. The Academy released its Oscar nominees few days ago to what seems like an absolute love fest for Indie films. The bigger films starring bigger stars are low on this past year’s totem which can mean whatever you want it to mean, but when you look at the dollars and cents, it means 2014 was an off year for Hollywood. According to boxofficemojo.com 2014’s domestic take saw 5.2% less gross than 2013 and about the same percentage was down from the number of tickets sold. To be honest it’s not all about the money either. There was no “absolute must-see for everyone;” no true juggernaut that people should be aware of. So why not make it a year for the Indies to regain some prominence? 8 Films are nominated for Best Picture, and I will be reviewing them all for you right here at Cosmic Book News. I’ve already done one for American Sniper, up next is Richard Linklater’s experimental drama Boyhood.

Right away, if you note some sort of a stomach turning sensation with the term “experimental” being connected to a movie then rest easy; it’s a natural response. Thankfully this isn’t a film where the experiment at work isn’t self indulgence, hyper abstract imagery, elusive content or a mind-numbing thematic onslaught. Linklater directs the same cast over the course of 12 years in blocks of real time to capture his characters’ evolution, but also the physical growth of his cast to further enhance the realism. The narrative features a (surprise, surprise) coming of age tale of a young boy and his family amidst a bevy real life problems such as divorce, geographic displacement, alcoholism, bullying, peer pressure and parents trying their best to stay connected to their kids despite it all. Although this film is billed as charting new territory in the depiction of childhood, it also happens to be a calculated examination that pays much credence to the perspective of parents. Having also been written by Linklater, a personal touch of constant self reflection is apparent for most characters in every scene. The pacing is deliberate to present some of the most sincere vignettes of family life caught on camera despite the film being a fictional narrative. Like real life, this film isn’t always beautiful. In fact, it’s mostly ugly and awkward, but at least it doesn’t look bad on the screen. Worry not about home video style, handheld camera juggling. The cinematography is smooth, classic and dramatic. It prevents the dialogue from stealing the entire story, thus turning Boyhood into a really elaborate audio book.

12 years is a long time to keep a film in production for, even at a part time rate. Linklater and co. probably amassed a healthy amount of footage over that time period and this brings us to the first hurdle for the audience. This film has a runtime of 165 minutes and you will feel that time pass all too well. There are several moments in the plot where it felt like the drama would turn to heighten the danger as well as the tempo, but it never happens. Perhaps this was done to mimic mundane life too closely. There’s no question that a multitude of traps exist in life that can easily get small kids into big trouble, but to paraphrase Star Lord, if the kid really isn’t a complete dick (thank you parents), chances are they will veer from that kind of trouble. The lack of any defined or constant threat to any protagonist will defang any plot and the reality of Boyhood as a cinematic journey is that it reaches a certain level of intimacy and intrigue early on and then plateaus.

The various family crisis that are depicted in Boyhood never shows the audience any full and raw emotional outburst from anyone in the cast which further adds to the film’s overall monotone pacing handicap. The reason for this is that the story is actually being narrated to the audience through passive observations by the main character: Mason Jr. played by Ellar Coltrane. Right now, young master Coltrane is receiving much Hollywood love as his contributions are being hailed as “a breakthrough performance” and that would be correct if that description simply meant having a feature role in a film nobody saw coming. His performance exists, but is exceptional in no way other than having one of those “different” Hollywood looks that is neither overly pretty nor unattractive to justify him being there in the first place.

One of two explanations can account for this. First, Linklater specifically directed Coltrane to just pretend his scenes and remember his lines (which is fine for him as a young child, but doesn’t fly at all when he gets older) or two, Coltrane doesn’t really have it; i.e. the screen presence, the charisma, the “it” factor. Either way, Mason Jr. is our main character and he literally grows up for the audience onscreen from childhood to adolescence to young adulthood and the only thing he delivers is … the air of indifference. Unless a child is being fed mescaline, there is no way any realistic coming of age tale can feature the absolute absence of anger, bliss or any other possible emotion between the two. There is far too much neutered “whatever” attitude from Coltrane at every age that I simply stopped believing him as an actual participant in his own journey. There are far too many opportunities for Coltrane to unleash some very real angst as his character is put through more than enough trials to justify a clear path to becoming a sociopath. All things being equal, Mason is a pretty damn decent kid despite the circumstances and it actually feels weird. The only rationalization the audience has for Mason Jr.’s relative sainthood is the imperfect, yet sincere and constant parenting at work during his life.

Anyone can notice the effect of a veteran actor that’s engaged with his or her character in just about any kind of film. Such an effect is even more noticeable when veterans are matched up with complete novices as is the case between the adult and child cast members of Boyhood. Not enough credit can be given to both Patricia Arquette and Ethan Hawke for their work as the mother and father in this production for it is every scene they share with their children (Mason and Samantha) that completely blows away every other. These scenes make this film worth watching, period. Any actor will tell you that a performance is based on a give and take relationship with fellow cast members. Neither Arquette nor Hawke get much of anything from either Coltrane or Lorelei Linklater (Samantha) which requires them to “be the parent” for the film’s content as well as its context, but at least they take full advantage of their heavy lifting in each scene. Arquette as the mom is the disciplinarian so there is a certain stern responsibility that goes into her character, but she accomplishes this without becoming a dictator which is thanks to her tempered balance with maternal concern. This sincere balance is capable of masking both kids’ “deer in the headlights” demeanor as genuine moments of learning their lessons. Hawke as the every other weekend father is the cool jokester who wants to befriend his kids as much as he wants to dish out legitimate street smarts. His tact lulls the kids into pleasant comfort while still finding several moments to deliver important messages that transcend his own cavalier attitude and lifestyle.

Boyhood is an exceptional family film despite being rated R for language and adult situations, but even those never get graphic (no nudity) or violent (no onscreen striking). The content of the scenarios and the parenting dialogue take great pains to reproduce realistic situations that today’s families have to deal with. Watching this can be as rewarding to children with the appropriate adult supervision as it obviously will be for adults. The real trick is keeping everyone in the family in front of the screen before the credits roll because it is a slow moving picture. If you are up to the challenge, you will be rewarded with an education into the modern family featuring a unique, real life development of its cast that is seamless in its transition between ages. Perhaps this unique experiment regarding its production will be enough to win Oscar gold as the Best Picture, but limitations regarding its pacing and performances couldn’t make its chances better than any other for the win.

Movie News Reviews

Review: American Sniper (2015)

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War. War Never Changes.

It is Now; Always Has Been and Always Will Be Hell.

A Film Review of American Sniper

American Sniper, directed by Clint Eastwood, is a work of fiction despite being based on true events as described by the “American Sniper” himself, Chris Kyle, in his autobiography. Characters will be treated as characters in this review, and any commentary regarding individuals does not refer to their real life counterparts. The very real issues regarding modern warfare and society will be commented upon and taken as seriously as the film itself presents them. I have not read Kyle’s autobiography so I will not comment on screenwriter Jason Hall’s reported “loose” adaptation of a book about someone else’s personal observations of their own life. This film uses the iconic status of Chris Kyle as the deadliest sniper in American history to make some important commentary regarding any war’s effect on any soldier (even exceptional ones) and their families. No soldier is immune from the harmful touch of war; not even “The Legend.”

The concept of “the hero” is as important to military recruiters as it is to movie makers as this film certainly lays the groundwork early for establishing Kyle as a gifted warrior for the sake of good (the sheep dog) and continues to build his “Achillean” altruism at various moments describing how he transitioned from civilian to soldier. Hawks will love how this story makes the motivation for the soldier and potential soldier simple and uncompromising. Someone sees something on the news or reads something online and it becomes personal, so much so that anger inspires vengeance and that leads to enlistment. Such is the case for Kyle as his journey to weaponize himself in SEAL training is insanely difficult, but despite the adversity, he stares it down with another signature of the classic hero: a never give up, never surrender code of conduct. But this screen story doesn’t sell out completely by romanticizing Kyle as the golden calf that belongs on everyone’s altar of American glory. Every sequence where “The Legend,” Chris Kyle, aces terrorists in Iraq is followed up by “Lesser than the Legend,” Chris Kyle as he struggles to keep it together back home in between tours. He’s despondent, disinterested, paranoid and losing every personal connection he has to his family. This is the kind of balance that Doves would appreciate because as simple as the motives and rationale may be for going to war, the psychological fallout of such an experience is layered with complexity. Kyle isn’t the sharp, charismatic, collected and concerned warrior/brother he was in Iraq. He’s a man that has seen and done horrific things and slapping labels like “patriotism” and “freedom” to cover it up becomes a less and less effective means of compartmentalizing.

Still, this film favors the heroic Chris Kyle overall because it isn’t concerned with being critical of war as much as it is about being critical about how war changes soldiers. It’s a shame that Eastwood did not take a more significant moment to make some commentary regarding an important part in the process of a soldier returning to civilian life whether it is permanent or in between multiple tours: psychological debriefing. Every soldier goes through this process to some extent when coming home and most people don’t know much about it. Soldiers who obviously needed more critical attention and therapy are the ones who come back and beat their wives, shoot their friends or commit suicide. If we are to take this country’s less than stellar record regarding the physical care of its veterans as a measuring stick, one can presume that the resources available for helping soldiers work out the psychological hell they went through is equally lacking. Chris Kyle is clearly depicted as a soldier who would have greatly benefited from more thorough debriefing, but this classic hero is capable of willful, self-healing as he gives back by helping other wounded and maimed warriors of the VA. Please note: This is not an easy, sure-fire fix that works for every soldier.

Despite this film being a drama, it shows off a number of expertly shot and visually satisfying action segments. The film begins with a number of tension building sniper sequences where Kyle stalks his prey through a magnified scope which are quite adept at allowing the audience to identify with Kyle’s inner turmoil over taking human life, especially for the first time. However, the audience will not be kept in the bell tower for the duration of the film as Kyle gets down and dirty on the ground floor with Marines charged with clearing buildings, one of the most dangerous jobs for soldiers in an urban warfare environment. Gunplay sequences are procedural, but acute, demonstrative and indicative of films more strictly devoted to explosions and body counts. I won’t go so far as to say this film could teach the likes of Black Hawk Down a few lessons, but it certainly gets across the lethality of Navy SEALs as well as the contemporary American soldier in general.

Most of the cast puts forth very adequate performances to support the main character’s evolution and journey. Sienna Miller as Taya delivers every wife of a soldier’s worst nightmare regarding the safety and return of their husbands from the brink of disaster. However, this film makes no mistake regarding the singularity of its focus and it is all about Chris Kyle, or rather Bradley Cooper as Chris Kyle. Cooper undergoes a significant physical transformation favoring a wider and buffer frame than the trim and defined body type he regularly sports. He assimilates a Texan accent with acceptable fluency and does not break for the film’s duration. As physical as Cooper is in his embodiment of Chris Kyle, it is his facial expressions that sell his performance. The audience shares in Kyle’s horror at watching the Towers fall on the news. We grate our teeth in his determination to become a SEAL. We hold our breaths before he pulls the trigger. And we are completely lost when he is unable to reconnect to anything real in his civilian life. Bradley Cooper is an actor who has developed a reputation for really getting into and emotionally selling out his characters with consistency, reliability and superiority. His interpretation of Chris Kyle is no different. Whether “The Legend” is as close to “the reality” this film presents, Cooper’s Chris Kyle is a sympathetic character whose devotion to his personal mission of protecting his brothers in arms is as admirable as his complete disregard for his own family stateside is deplorable. This is where Cooper’s acumen really shines through because he’s as devoted to showing a man being disintegrated by war as he is at producing G.I. Joe. Bradley Cooper is every bit as classic as any other Hollywood leading man in history and his performance in American Sniper is a continued testament to that fact.

Clint Eastwood may be turning 85 years old this year, but his ability to direct a poignant and entertaining film is defying the physics of father time. I have enjoyed a number of the films he has directed, but this is easily my favorite. It’s got intellectual meat, visual eye candy and cultural significance. All these things combined make it the clear cut leader for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, right? Hold the phone. There’s still a ton of Indie love for the rest of the nominees and in an off year for Hollywood, it might be too much of a taboo for a big budget studio film to walk away with the gold, especially when most of the contenders in every category is being maligned for what one could describe as a vanilla sky of alternatives. American Sniper is not an easy film to watch because no matter how romanticized war can be, it’s still hell and this film has a number of absolutely gut-wrenching moments. A number of films this year are worthy of my personal recommendation, but few are as accessible as this one. Regardless of where your personal politics regarding the state of current American warfare stand, everyone can come together to acknowledge its brutal nature as well as its human cost.

Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #4

Abnett understands cosmic. He also obviously likes cosmic. He’s not trying to turn cosmic into something that it isn’t. He takes the subject matter seriously, extrapolates the future from the current, writes fresh and plausible stories defying stale superhero tropes, makes the space setting both necessary and central to the storyline, and uses humor naturally as an incidental brief relief from the drama rather than the entire focus of each story.

In contrast, Bendis, Young, Duggan, Humphries, and everyone else Marvel has on the rest of their so-called “cosmic” books obviously don’t like or understand cosmic and just resort to writing silly, campy storylines that borrow heavily from superhero tropes, are played for laughs, and just happen to be set in space.

G3000 is written as good science-fiction. The rest are written as running jokes. That’s why I say G3000 is Marvel’s only truly cosmic book. The rest are pseudo-cosmic at their rare best – and intelligence insulting parodies of cosmic most commonly.

I was skeptical at first – doubting whether anyone could breathe new life into the original GotG characters. Abnett has risen to the challenge and exceeded it. In this issue, we learn the origin of A-Sentience, we get to spend some time with Vance Astro via flashbacks to better understand his motivations, we get to see part of the team work together as an effective and coordinated fighting force, we get to know the new Star-Lord, we learn more about the time crisis, we get another glimpse of Rael Rider, and Nikki joins the team.

As an aside, it was nice to see a real Nova in a real Nova uniform instead of the manga-inspired-NINO Marvel insists on inflicting upon us cosmic fans.

Abnett packs an enormous amount of story into only a few pages – but the story flows naturally and leaves the reader both intrigued and hungry for next month’s issue. Abnett respects the characters and their fans. The characters are addressing weighty issues and must take high-stakes risks to address these issues. This is a well-written story by cosmic standards in particular and comic book standards in general.

The art has long been the weak point of this book, but I have to say that Sandoval is growing into the art for the book with each passing issue. The art for this issue is the best yet, and if this trend continues, I’ll soon be cheering for Sandoval rather than longing for a new artist. Delgado’s coloring provides the perfect tone for the storyline and helps soften some of the harshness of Sandoval’s artistic style.

If this book isn’t on your pull list, call your local comic shop and add it today. This is the kind of book that needs to be rewarded with high sales. Leave the rest of what Marvel is calling “cosmic” on the shelf.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #22 (Bendys)

For another lump of coal in your Christmas Stocking, check out GotGINO* #22. Actually, it’s more like a hot potato than a lump of coal as Bendys spends the entire issue playing hot potato with Venom’s symbiote.

I know Bendys and his easily pleased fanboys think it’s just madcap fun to have the symbiote jump from Guardian to Guardian. Actually, it’s just tiresome and silly. Bendis has reduced the Guardians to a bunch of bumbling buffoons, stumbling their way through every relatively minor situation they encounter and making some implausibly bad decisions along the way. I blame Marvel for pulling good writers from this book and putting Bendys on it – but we are getting exactly what we expected from Bendis – a bad Seinfeldification of the once great concepts. Literally, a comic book about nothing. The real culprits here are the fanboys who keep buying this lame attempt at a space-based situation comedy – and its sister books, LSINO and RRINO, books that have also have adopted the bad sit-com formula and in the case of RRINO, mixed in some Looney Tunes concepts.

At least Seinfeld took the mundane aspects of everyday life and made them interesting and funny. Bendis has taken the once great GotG team who single-handedly faced and overcame universal threats – and turned them into inexplicably Earth-obsessed Avengers-Lite who, for some stupid reason, take their marching orders from The Avengers and always have to have an Avenger or two on the team. How dumb is all that? Pretty dumb.

And the Avengers chosen? CMINO, Carol Danvers, who came across as a weepy, whiny, and inexplicably homesick female cliché in this month’s utterly forgettable Bendys-written GotGINO annual. Really? She’s homesick? Like she’s never before been to space? Like she’s really that desperate for a hug? Like she’s not a high-ranking military officer and seasoned warrior? Seriously Bendys, that’s not only bad writing – it’s an insult to women. In this issue she’s inexplicably doing security duty on Knowhere? Isn’t that Cosmo’s job? Bendis’ lack of familiarity with the cosmic characters always manages to rear its ugly, shiny head.

Venom on the team? It’s time to start questioning SLINO’s leadership. Why would “Starlord” allow The Avengers to make Venom The Guardians’ problem? That’s not the true Starlord of old. It’s not even James Gunn’s watered down “sociopath with a heart of gold SL.” That’s just the bumbling idiot into which Bendys has morphed SL – essentially, Starlord in Name Only.

Bendis’ new storyline has Spartax trying to replace the deposed J’Son (aka, “Mr. Knife,” the most ridiculously named pseudo-villain in quite some time) with SLINO. Hold on to your seats and grab some Pepto-Bismol! I predict more “madcap fun” is in the offing – no doubt replete with enough misunderstandings and slapstick to bring a nostalgic tear to the eye of all the now retired writers of the old sit-com, Three’s Company.

Bendys just can’t seem to get the characterization right for any of this cast. Drax is unrecognizable. Bendis just kind of uses him as a punching bag and has dropped the bad-ass belligerent attitude that Giffen created and honed to perfection. Rocket is no longer a tactician, and Groot is no longer brilliant or powerful. They’re just around for comic relief. Gamora is less “The Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe” and more a damsel in distress. Congratulations, Bendys! You’ve done what you do best and totally demolished all the concepts that once made GotG a great read by taking the cliché-breaking characters of the past and reducing them to comic book clichés.

At least the art and coloring are easy on the eyes. Schiti has grown into producing decent quality cosmic art, and Keith’s colors are spot-on.

So do cosmic fandom a favor and leave this one on the shelf. Marvel needs to be sent a clear message that cosmic is not a code-word for bad situation comedy.

*Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #25

With the release of NINO #25 on Christmas Eve, Marvel has essentially dropped a lump of coal into everyone’s Christmas stocking.

The entire run of this series has been characterized by insipid, implausible, intelligence-insulting stories aimed at the pre-pubescent mentality combined with absolute contempt for the Nova mythos, legacy, and long-term fans – but this issue takes all of those deplorable characteristics to new levels.

Apparently (the real) Captain America has become demented with the loss of his powers as he actually inducts the little “idiot” (Loeb’s own description of the character he created) into The Avengers. Really? Bad enough that NINO’s parents are unfit – but are The Avengers now a deliberate, official accessory to child endangerment? Apparently so. Maybe government regulation of The Avengers wasn’t such a bad idea after all – as Child Protective Services sure needs to investigate this decision.

Of course, Duggan continues to demonstrate his lack of awareness of and/or his contempt for Nova continuity by completely ignoring the healing factor inherent in possessing Nova powers – as NINO is (unconvincingly) portrayed as suffering from numerous contusions, abrasions, fractures, and cognitive deficits – injuries that should be long healed by a Nova’s healing factor. But then again, NINO isn’t a true Nova – so maybe there’s hope for a rapid and (hopefully) fatal decline in his condition.

This double-sized issue does little more than double-down on the whopping case of stupid that surrounds and pervades the NINO concept. For some unknown reason, Marvel seems intent on shoehorning the little idiot into everything they possibly can – and despite their unprecedented marketing efforts and sales gimmicks – NINO still is unable to crack the top 100 in sales. That spells “failure of concept,” Mr. Brevoort.

Duggan’s story plods along with the thoroughly un-interesting minutiae of NINO’s everyday life and thoroughly implausible Avengers induction until the end when NINO saves the day in an utterly contrived plane crash situation clearly added to provide some kind of action to this otherwise utter waste of color glossy paper.

Baldeon’s cartoonish art is the perfect choice for a book aimed at the Archie Comics crowd of buyers. Baldeon’s portrayal of NINO in his manga-uniform makes NINO appear exactly what he is – an annoying kid playing “dress-up as a Power Ranger.” Curiel’s colors are perfect as usual – but this book is a waste of his talents.

This issue begins with NINO asking himself how he stacks up against his predecessors. I have the answer to that question, NINO (and Duggan). You don’t stack up. You’re a bad concept made for all the wrong reasons and you’re written poorly. You’re an insult to the Nova legacy, mythos, and long-term fans. In every way, you’re a Nova In Name Only.

So take this lump of coal in your Christmas stocking and do what you’d normally do with a lump of coal. Burn it. Better yet – leave it on the shelf to send Marvel a clear message that NINO is unacceptable. Let’s make 2015 the year that we end NINO once and for all.

Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #3

Between 2006 and 2010, Dan Abnett was one of the architects of the Renaissance in Marvel Cosmic, refurbishing (the real) Nova from a teen Spider-clone to a mature, bad-ass, powerful, leader of men and creating a Guardians of the Galaxy team concept that inspired the top-grossing movie of 2014.

In reward for his efforts, Marvel Editor-in-Chief, Axel Alonso, removed Abnett from the books he created, giving his GotG concept to Bendis to mangle into what many now call Garbage of the Galaxy or Guardians of the Galaxy in Name Only and handing the Nova concepts over to Loeb and Duggan who have distorted the Nova concepts with the dreadful series that many refer to as Nova in Name Only or NINO, for short.

Another brilliant call, Alonso. I never thought I’d be wistfully thinking of Quesada’s tenure as “The Good Old Days.”

I approached G3000 with a healthy dose of skepticism, but I have to say that Abnett has won me over. He clearly loves the characters, and he is intimately acquainted with and respectful of the rich lore underpinning the characters and concepts. While Bendis, Loeb/Duggan, Humphries, and Young are busy driving Marvel Cosmic into the ground with their campy and juvenile takes on the concepts, Abnett is busy giving cosmic back its wings. While GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO falter and get worse with every issue, G3000 soars and gets better with every issue. The reason why is obvious. Abnett understands and respects the source material – and he is an accomplished science-fiction writer. In contrast, Bendis, Loeb/Duggan, Humphries, and Young have never understood or respected the source material, had no previous interest in cosmic science-fiction, and still would have no interest in cosmic if not for the GotG movie turning a huge profit and cosmic becoming all the profit-generating rage.

In this issue, Abnett introduces us to The Nova Prime of the year 3014, Rael Rider, as she interacts with The Xandarian Worldmind. It was great to see a real Nova sporting the surname of Rider, and it was great to see a real Nova helmet for a change with no Manga-style-uniformed NINO usurper in sight. It was also great for the Worldmind to be given page time again after a too long “hiatus” – a hiatus due to yet more spectacular mis-management by Brevoort and Alonso.

Abnett advances the story by further exploring how the Badoon have corrupted Stark tech and turned it into a force for evil. Abnett develops each character – giving each a distinctive voice and personality. He judiciously uses humor and weaves a tight tale of high-stakes peril and adventure for our protagonists. Contrast this with the bad sit-com humor and storylines, the total interchangeability of characters, and the outright ennui any adult reader feels after every issue of GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO.

Sandoval is growing into the art for the G3000 concept. His renderings are somewhat less jarring and better proportioned for this outing with less emphasis on every character exposing their teeth in exaggerated facial expressions. Dentists must be in short supply in the 31^st Century – as what dentition is portrayed is enough to give an Oral Surgeon bad dreams for life. Delgado’s colors help soften the exaggerated artistic style of Sandoval for a more satisfying artistic experience than the past two issues. I’m still hoping for a change to a more photo-realistic artist in the near future. It would sure be nice to have Brad Walker on this book.

The numbers are in, and issue #1 of G3000 sold pretty much as many issues as Bendys’ loathsome GotGINO. This reportedly surprised Brevoort and Alonso as they wrongly think the key to cosmic is intelligence-insulting, campy, child-oriented storylines as demonstrated by their doubling-down on the failed GotGINO and NINO concepts that are still in publication thanks to easily satisfied zombies still buying them. It goes to show you that there’s a market for quality cosmic storytelling, and if it is given the opportunity to be produced – it will sell. That fact seems to consistently bounce off Alonso’s shiny dome – and that’s an indication of bad leadership.

So leave GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO on the shelf – and instead buy G3000 to send Marvel a clear message that there is a market for high-quality cosmic storytelling rather than the sub-par, low-quality foolishness pervading the rest of their so-called “cosmic” books.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians 3000 #2

I admit that I had my doubts about this book after reading the preview of it in the GotGINO anniversary issue. I also had my doubts that the classic team could provide grist for interesting stories. I’m overjoyed to say that my doubts have been allayed with the publication of this issue.

Welcome to Marvel’s one and only truly cosmic comic book. It goes to show you what a writer with true science-fiction street cred can produce.

It’s simply gravy to know that Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”) are surprised, puzzled, and/or annoyed by the success of this book. They seem invested in thinking that the key to cosmic success is silly, campy, jokey, juvenile tripe (like Duggan’s NINO and Bendys’* GotGINO) rather than the serious, para-military science-fiction of Volume IV of Nova, Volume II of GotG, and now, Guardians 3000. It makes me happy to see Bonso proved wrong – and I’m happy frequently as they are wrong so very often.

Abnett weaves a fascinating “timey-wimey” tale – breathing new life into the time-causality-loop story trope with introduction of new character, Geena, who can “sense time structure.” Abnett does what a good SF writer does best – extrapolates from the present to build a plausible future. In this case, he takes the present Marvel Universe and builds a future where Stark tech is apparently co-opted by the Badoon invaders and used for terribly wrong purposes.

Abnett also shines by giving each of the Guardians a distinct voice and characterization. Each Guardian has an important role to play, they work together as a fighting team, they face important problems, and they effectively solve said problems. They’re slang is made part of their natural communication and the situations they find themselves in aren’t played for cheap laughs. There’s plenty of action and adventure with high stakes consequences at the end of the day. And, best of all, they’re not obsessed with or beholden to The Avengers or any future iteration or remnant of The Avengers.

Contrast that with Bendys’* current absolutely dreadful Guardians of the Galaxy (in Name Only) Volume III – and you’ll see how Bendis comes up lacking. Like I said – it’s the difference between Abnett – a skilled writer with SF street cred – and Bendys, a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe.

The only downside to G3000 is the art. Sadly, while Sandoval is a good artist and his style would be appropriate for another type of book, it is not right for G3000. A more photo-realistic approach works better for SF comics – and unfortunately Sandoval’s depictions are often too abstract. His focus on using teeth and grimacing to convey emotion and action is jarring at times – not to mention a way over-used technique. The exaggerated body proportions are also both jarring and disappointingly unattractive. Delgado does his best to soften Sandoval’s extremes with color and shading, but at the end of the day many are going to be turned off by the art and sadly, this may affect sales negatively.

It literally doesn’t get any better for Marvel Cosmic than this – because this is Marvel’s one and only true cosmic book at present. I hope every cosmic fan will leave NINO, GotGINO, LSINO, and RRINO on the shelf and instead buy multiple copies of G3000 with the money they save as G3000 deserves our whole-hearted support and encouragement. And as an added bonus, we get to frustrate Bonso by making G3000 a success and their favored tripe the failure it deserves to be.

Next issue sees the premiere of the Worldmind-connected Nova Prime of the G3000 era, an apparent descendant of one of the Rider men and Irani Rael. If for no other reason, I call on all true Nova fans to support this book to spite Bonso.

*Bendis’ name will be deliberately randomly misspelled throughout this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #21 (BendYs)

Since when is Star-Lord so clumsy and un-skilled with the ladies? Oh yeah – since Bendys* has been providing what passes for the writing of this book. It’s embarrassingly bad, really. Star-Lord was NEVER like this until Bendis got his greedy little paws on the character. Even Gunn didn’t mangle the characterization as badly for the movie. Humphries makes it even worse in his LSL book. I know the zombies who are keeping the sales of this book at acceptable levels have a high tolerance for cringe-worthy writing, but really.

This whole Star-Lord and Kitty long-distance romance was ill-conceived from the start. But with Bendis being the prince of ill-conceived ideas, who could be surprised. Star-Lord should be about Bendys’ age and Kitty is what – early 20’s? Hmmmm – something you’re trying to work out, Bendys? Mid-life crisis, maybe?

Bendys pulls out all the stops for this book with the bad situation comedy writing – even resorting to bathroom humor when Drax says he is late for a fight because he was busy taking a dump. Is that even funny? Maybe if you’re under the age of 9 – but funny to the actual demographic buying this book? I certainly hope not. And I don’t recognize this Drax. It’s certainly not Giffen’s Drax, or the classic Drax, or Infinity Watch’s brain-damaged Drax, or even Gunn’s dunder-head Drax. This Drax is some weird combination that is an inconsistent amalgam of all of the above and also inferior to all the above – especially the classic Drax and Giffen Drax iterations. One can only read this inferior characterization of Drax, shake one’s head, and mutter “Bendys.”

And why do the Avengers have ANYTHING to say about the activities of the Guardians? Why do the Avengers have to have a representative with the Guardians at all times? Why would the representative be Venom? Isn’t making Venom the representative just asking for trouble? And why would the Guardians accept that? Why are the Guardians portrayed as so weak and barely able to deal with the most mundane of problems – when in the past they single-handedly dealt with universe-level threats? Shake your head and mutter, “Bendis,” once again.

On the up side, the art and coloring are much improved from recent past issues. Schiti is growing into his depiction of the space-based environment, and Keith’s colors are the perfect complement. Once again, the art is the only saving grace of Bendys’ entire miserable mangling of this once great concept.

So – do yourself a favor and leave this one on the shelf. Instead, buy the classic TPB’s of Star-Lord, the Annihilation Omnibus – or Marvel’s one true cosmic book, Guardians 3000. You’ll be glad you took my advice.

*Bendis’ name will be randomly misspelled throughout the course of this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #23 & 24

In this cliché-filled arc, Duggan has NINO take on Hulk’s Hulk – also known as “Kluh,” and NINO un-believably manages to defeat him with the overdone “shoot the Hulk into space trick.” How many times have you seen that one? Too many. At least Duggan freely admits that he “shamelessly” copies the story ideas of others. And what does that matter? The zombies will still buy this book and will take to Facebook and CBR Forums to defend it no matter the poor quality, implausibility, and lack of originality.

At least the annoying little jerk gets the beat-down he deserves and his “magic helmet” gets damaged in the process. I was rooting for Kluh to put him out of our misery – but, alas and unsurprisingly, Marvel keeps him alive to shoehorn into the next event in their ongoing desperate attempt to force feed NINO to the comic-reading audience at large. This – despite the fact that all but the zombies have soundly rejected NINO, and the book is well out of the top 100 in sales.

Once again, NINO’s mom won’t be winning any “Mother of the Year” awards as she continues to endanger his life by actually encouraging him to go fight Kluh. Apparently Duggan doesn’t have a problem with the morality of ongoing child endangerment – or like Brevoort – doesn’t have the courage to actually address the issue even when directly asked.

Then again – Spiderman and (the real) Captain America should know better, too. They are also complicit in endangering the life of a minor child. But why should anything in this ongoing travesty of a book make any sense?

The coloring for this arc is overall well done – but the art has been sub-par. I’ve always hated the manga-inspired uniform, but Baldeon over-emphasizes all the worst qualities of it – making NINO look even more ridiculous than usual in it – more than ever looking like a kid wearing his father’s old military uniform. The ranking star on the helmet looks like a large glob just plopped onto the front. Awful. But the zombies will take to Facebook and CBR Forums to insist that the art is wonderful, too.

But mostly, this book is just an ongoing insult to and diminution of the Nova legacy and concepts. Perhaps the best way to demonstrate that is in pictorial form:

We’ve gone from this:

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18045:]]

To this:

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18041:]]

To now this:

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18043:]]

Sad. Pathetic. Way to go, Marvel. Keep dishing up this warmed-over gruel and tripe for the zombies – and don’t dare question your bad decision to let Loeb hi-jack the concepts and water them down to the level of My Little Pony.

Thanks, A-Holes.

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18044:]]

Now – cue the zombies to take to Facebook and CBR Forums to defend this garbage and hurl insults at me and anyone who agrees with me.

Movie News Reviews

Interstellar (2014) Review

Bringing Even More Credibility to Sci-Fi

A Film Review of Interstellar

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:17820:]]

Is Christopher Nolan waging a losing battle to save the art of Hollywood-style filmmaking? His most recent contribution to humanity’s collective creativity is yet another fine example of thought-provoking and entertaining storytelling via the finest audio-visual technology the good folks at Syncopy can provide. Yet, amidst a sea of adaptation, rebooting and reimagining at the movies, the one detail about this film which is most unique and will be easily overlooked is Interstellar’s originality. It is a story written by talented screenwriters Chris and John Nolan based on the theoretical physics of Kip Thorne (who also happened to be the scientific consultant and producer for this film). When people complain about Hollywood’s cycle of regurgitated drivel that is based on X or inspired by Y, my recommendation would be to check out a Chris Nolan picture that isn’t a part of The Dark Knight Trilogy (for which he’s best known). Sure, he doesn’t have the extensive library of the Steven Spielberg’s or the Ridley Scott’s, but his selectivity permits an investment in multiple levels of the filmmaking process for just about every project he helms. It’s what makes him one of the last remaining auteurs in this business. Nolan does it his way, and his narrative imprint is neither a constrictive millstone nor is it an overbearing hammer, but more like a key unlocking doors to new perspectives and scenarios outside of the mechanical mass production of formulaic filmmaking.

As much as I enjoyed Interstellar, the one thing I fully expected from this film (which I ultimately did not experience) was the definitive “IT” factor making it the hands down best film of the year. Certainly, this is a situation where expectations can skew an experience as I was all but banking on the path Gravity (2013) paved for Oscar gold last year in the same way Moulin Rouge (2001) set up genre success for Chicago one year later in 2002. As interesting as the plot is, as compelling as the characters endear and as visually stimulating as the effects impress, the story exposes a major hurdle that the audience can trip on: pacing. “Adrenaline fueled roller coaster ride” is not something that would accurately describe Interstellar as a cinematic adventure. The first third of the runtime is devoted to heavy exposition and a bevy of set-ups. For this particular story, all of that groundwork is necessary for every single plot and thematic payoff that comes later on, but it is somewhat of a grind; so much so that people in the theater started engaging each other in small talk. As much as I absolutely cannot stand people talking in the movies, the lack of activity and intrigue early on tempts distraction.

The film’s second act features a significant increase to the stakes and the dangers which helps bring the audience back, but the narrative never sways from the concept of saving humanity as a species. Just about everything from metaphysics, morality, conservation, sacrifice, faith, family, evolution (and a multitude of other themes and ideas) are touched upon because this film claims that just about everything that defines humanity is as connected to our salvation as we are to each other as individuals as we are to our environments. I applaud the script’s ambition because these ideas are extrapolated from the fantastic, yet easily relatable scenarios that are presented thanks to some good characters and great performances. The story does shift gears a second time during the third act which may present problems for some members of the audience not willing to take leaps of faith to get past a few plot gaps. The action and conflict of the story become less about actual characters and realistic situations and become much more ambiguous and theoretical. It’s at this point the story “transcends time and space” and while it is extremely interesting to view this different dimension, reality, form of thinking, experience of reality (or however you want to describe it); reconciling it with the rest of the story proves a challenge unless one simply accepts and moves on. Fighting it by searching for some logical explanation for where the story wants to go may seem natural, but at that point in the story the rules of “reality” are out the window and should be viewed as such. Those in the audience that can “make the jump” may find a hopeful and inspiring ending while the rest may find an ending that is contrived and convenient. This moment could very well sweeten or sour the entire 2 hour and 49 minute film; no pressure.

Even if you don’t know what it is you are actually looking at on the screen, the visual effects at work during Interstellar never cease to impress. Science fiction as a genre has presented a number of notable, visually effect driven pictures so there have been a number of concepts that have been rinsed and repeated. I would say the same holds true for the basic “space flight” depictions of this film. Ships enter and exit atmospheres in similar ways, they spin to simulate gravity, and the hull gets breached by debris or other external forces. All of that you’ve seen before. What you haven’t seen are some of the more amorphous spatial phenomena depicted in the manner they have been here. We’ve seen wormholes in movies before as “pockets” and “funnels” of space/time that a vessel goes “into” but Interstellar presents it as a large, three dimensional sphere that a vessel “orbits” in order to cross into another galaxy. We’ve seen singularities (or black holes) before, but never quite on a massive scale that dwarfs the size of the sun in comparison. The process of entering a black hole in this film (warping, bending or otherwise destroying matter and light) takes a “less is more” approach by focusing on the subject which never breaks physical form and surrounding it with shear emptiness. Then there’s “the next dimension” which I won’t spoil any further by describing it as infinitely abstract art. All of these effects are masterfully crafted which reveal and obscure exactly what the director wants. Above all, these effects attempt something different from the status quo which is most welcome.

Despite Nolan’s literary and technical wizardry in his films, he still manages to extract intense emotions and marquee performances from his casts. Despite some of the fantastic scenarios his films are involved with, his need to ground them in reality by making it “feel” as real and relatable as possible to his cast allows for greater opportunities to connect with and relate to a larger range of viewers. The same holds true for the cast of Interstellar. Cast members from The Dark Knight Rises Anne Hathaway and Michael Caine return here as a father/daughter physicist duo that’s part of a greater team dedicated to saving humanity. Their particular dynamic isn’t expressed by direct chemistry because the story doesn’t have them sharing the same space, but their individual performances evoke intense passion and even desperation for characters that are lifelong scientists. Jessica Chastain plays Murph, a talented scientist, but an even more devoted daughter whose research is motivated by love and less by equations. Murph’s journey as a character is a much more personal one which is defined by a series of disappointments, thus Chastain is called upon for several instances of anger and frustration without completely flying off the hinge. The rest of the cast is equally impressive with very limited screen time (thank you John Lithgow), just be prepared to see a few A-List cameos drop in playing roles you never saw coming which are very happy surprises.

Of course, Matthew McConaughey plays Cooper, our protagonist and one of the better everyman characters I’ve seen in recent years: a man of machines as well as the land, a trailblazing explorer as well as family man, a man of unfulfilled promise as well as the excellence of execution. Playing a great man that hasn’t done anything great in his own eyes is a challenge well suited for McConaughey’s natural persona (do I need to reference last year’s Oscar acceptance speech?). Once again, his droll, the timing of his delivery and his desperate need to emotionally exhaust himself in just about every scene makes his characters easy to like, sympathize and identify with. Not enough can be said of his performance in this film because it is absolutely vital to the audience’s experience. Only his character gives the audience a window to every event and without that character being someone every viewer can get behind, this film fails. Despite the slow start to this movie, every minute spent is used to endear Cooper to us and McConaughey nails every scene.

If Interstellar were a film that was more accessible to a wider demographic of moviegoers (and fleeting attention spans), the momentum for an Oscar victory would be an unstoppable force. As it stands, it is not a movie for everyone despite all of its impressive accomplishments and must therefore be considered as an immovable object when being considered for some of the best examples of filmmaking this year. This movie’s format and story can have stretches that may lose viewers who are not fully engaged. It also discusses subject matter regarding humanity, its nature, its purpose and its direction that may be uncomfortable if not divisive for people of today to discuss or deal with at any level. However, this film asks those questions in an intelligent, thoughtful, creative and dramatic way that simply dismissing it without giving it a chance would be downright criminal. I loved this movie for everything it showed me onscreen and every image it meant to parallel in real life. It may not end up being the best film of the year, but it cannot be missed if you are in the mood for a tantalizing adventure that electrifies the eyes, tickles the fancy and resonates with the soul.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #20 (Bendis)

It appears that Bendis has not read the history of the Nova concepts in general or The Thanos Imperative in particular. Or he did – and he just doesn’t care enough about the Rider character or his fans to make the effort to get anything right. Either way, he knows that zombies buy brands, and

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #22

This one belongs on the shelf right next to My Little Pony so all the 8-year-old girls can get a copy. Really – IT IS THAT BAD. How any self-respecting, mentally-competent adult male can continue to buy this trash and visit comic book forums to insist that it is a good concept is beyond all reasonable understanding. Of course, the zombies who insist on defending this trash mostly congregate at shill sites like CBR and freely admit that they’ve actively avoided reading good cosmic, so that speaks for itself.

The art has long been the ONLY saving grace of this book. No so this time. It is “god-awful” to say the least. Painfully bad on the eye. Amateurish. Curiel does the best he can coloring, but he doesn’t have much to work with, and it shows.

Duggan reaches a new low with this issue that features NINO going trick or treating with the X-Kids, and all of them using their super-powers to bully some non-super-powered teens who are stealing candy from youngsters. Really, Duggan? That’s your story? Pathetic. I’ve seen Scooby-Doo episodes which were better written. Do everyone a favor and stick to writing Deadpool. You’re not a cosmic writer. Or better yet, stay with NINO – because stories like this are bound to send sales through the floor and end with NINO’s well-deserved cancellation.

Just as I predicted, in a The Guns of Will Sonnet rip-off, Duggan writes Jesse “just missing” connecting with his family via telepathic link. I bet there’s a lot more of those near misses where this one came from. That type of plot element gets old fast. Hey Duggan, even in The Guns of Will Sonnet the grand-father and grand-son searching for James found him before the end of the first season.

Of course, at the end of this issue, Cap telephones NINO’s mom and asks her to send NINO out to help the Avengers. And she does with her blessing. Really? So Cap is an irresponsible idiot just like NINO’s mom, huh? Inviting an un-trained, irresponsible minor with powers of mass destruction out on a mission? Preposterous. Stupid. Intelligence-insultingly implausible. Not to mention, immoral to send a minor child into combat. Cap must be demented – because he should know better than to so endanger not only a child, but also the mission and the public he is sworn to protect.

And those still buying and supporting this puerile trash in any way should know better, too. Especially if you’re a fan of the true Nova, Rich Rider. Join the rest of us in boycotting NINO. Let’s send Marvel a clear message that enough is enough and send into cancellation this ongoing insult to cosmic in general and the Nova concepts and legacy in particular.

Movie News Reviews

Movie Review: Gone Girl (2014)

2014’s Fall Film Season Is Here!

A Film Review of Gone Girl

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David Fincher’s latest thriller starring Batfleck (aka Ben Affleck) and Rosamund Pike is the first exceptional film for the fall season which sets an appropriately devilish tone as we approach Halloween for a story layered with thought provoking plot, twists, surprises, shock, awe and an unscrupulous need to take a shower after watching. Although the gist of this story revolves around a nightmare scenario for relative newlyweds, the fact is its paranoia thrusts its greasy palms into society’s chest cavity considering the commentary being made concerning the national media’s coverage of various kidnappings across the USA. Thank goodness we have a 24 hour news cycle to keep every living room with a flat screen hard wired to some of the most gruesome and perplexing tragedies that only the most singular slices of Americana can bring home as family entertainment.

Despite being a dialogue driven drama, there is plenty of meat to this hearty meal; namely the smart character dynamics, an escalating tone of suspense and cliché obliterating plot twists and resolutions. The viewer may be reintroduced to some common troupes of the “disappeared, who-dun-it, he said/she said” in the first 30 to 40 minutes, but the rest of the film sets the audience up with familiarity specifically to yank the rug out from under us. The audience is constantly on edge and being thrown for a loop as nothing plays out as it traditionally would. Although I designate this as a plus, some may find the twists a tad far-fetched, but either way, this movie will unsettle and may even send some viewers home needing to be cuddled in the fetal position by someone they truly love and trust (or do they? Muah, ha, ha!).

Before I continue singing the praises of the cast and crew of this film, it must be noted that the primary strength of this film is its screen story and script which happened to be written by the author of the original novel for which this film was adapted: Gillian Flynn. Obviously, it’s a major convenience to have the originator of a certain piece of fiction being as involved with an adaptation as possible, but despite all of the intangible benefits of this kind of cooperation, it is an uncommon practice for studios which may or may not have something to do with a bunch of board room tools knowing more about a story than the person that actually wrote it. Gillian crafts a suspenseful drama that translates very well to the screen with a story that is conscious of murder mysteries and unexplained disappearances that have been popularized in various forms of fiction as well as documented in a variety of news coverage. The cast of characters are all presented in stereotypical fashion for what seems like a garden variety mystery, but the story couldn’t play out any further from that. What makes all of the twists much more impactful is the wrench time put into setting up opposite presumptions; you know the ones that allow the audience to figure it all out before the halfway mark in the film. These instances lull the audience into thinking the obvious culprits will be found out for committing the same blundering mistakes they have for every crime drama ever conceived. With circumstances and character status in constant flux, the audience will find that they love to hate and hate to love every single character by the time the end credits roll. Of course, this is only made possible thanks to characters that reveal much more depth as individuals as every minute passes. In a genre for an industry that is so desperately fused to “the formula,” it is refreshing to experience a story that’s much more interested in breaking rules than obeying them.

Viewers beware: a severe lack of action is this film’s primary weakness. We may all know David Fincher for Fight Club, Se7en and The Game, but rest assured this film has even less action than The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. This may instantly turn off the male demographic, but to that I say “Hey! Summer is over. It’s time to get your psychological freak on!” What helps this film even less is the overall vanilla setting of suburban Missouri. Sure, scenes are almost always changing, but their combined lack of visual flair (save for one or two) makes them all blend together. Visual and special effects are also virtually nil, but there is one scene towards the film’s climax where a special effect salvo gets dumped all over the audience that pays off quite well considering its shocking timing. Long story short: Gone Girl isn’t about eye candy; it’s about mind jobs and emotional spasms.

With this kind of film, one must have his or her cast firing on all cylinders and I can confirm this is certainly the case despite my never having been a particular fan of one Mr. Ben Affleck. I’ll admit to somewhat nefarious motivations for seeing this film in that the trailers seemed to setup Affleck as either the antagonist or at the very least the subject of ridicule and rejection. Yes, the thought of that genuinely amused me because he hasn’t exactly been called upon to play the part of the punching bag in any of his films. However, Affleck meets this particular challenge with the casual, matter of fact confidence of a truly innocent man or the actual mastermind behind it all. Sure, he plays Nick Dunne, a prodigal son of Missouri who apparently has no ability to rediscover an accent that he may not ever have had, but his character’s “likeability” is a lynchpin to both the plot and the moment to moment experience for the audience. The fact that Affleck delivers nuanced performances that shrieks both guilt and innocence throughout the film completely bolsters the mystery and uncertainty. I found the chemistry he shares with onscreen sister Margo Dunne (Carrie Coon) to be a series of welcome breaks to the ever building intensity which does much to generate sympathy for the Dunne’s while generating specific instances of further incrimination as the film progresses. Affleck’s Everyman performance is superior to his previous contributions thanks to conscious decisions to play scenes in different (yet subtle) ways to keep the audience guessing.

Rosamund Pike may have been circulating in the Hollywood pipeline for a while, but she has finally found a signature role for which she is completely deserving of every bit of praise as well as a potential Oscar nomination for her performance as Amy Dunne, the titular “Gone” girl. As with Affleck, conscious choices are being made in tandem between Rosamund and director David Fincher to present a full spectrum character from inspired enchantress to loving wife to chilling ice princess (and everything in between). Ms. Pike’s ability to shift gears at will is masterful, and the fact that she retains such consistent demeanor in virtually every scene is absolutely confounding to the audience because it makes her character impossible to read. She commands the audience’s attention both in her active scenes as well as her voice over narration of the events as various journal entries are read to the audience to provide instantaneous back story and exposition which fills in the details as circumstances develop. There is a moment near the middle of the film where Amy’s perspective wrestles control from husband Nick where a thick veil of mystery is removed and almost changes the end game of the film into something much more predictable. Luckily, Rosamund’s performance continues to hold enough back to retain the right level of intrigue with the audience to keep us all guessing even at that point as to who did what, who is guilty, what just happened and how it could all possibly end.

The supporting cast is equally deserving of the praise I’ve already given its two leads. Right off the bat, I’ve got to say that Tyler Perry’s performance as attorney Tanner Bolt is easily the best I’ve seen of him as an actor for presenting a character that is as dynamic as he is entertaining and charismatic. Carrie Coon’s Margo Dunne is the most sympathetic character in this film as she masterfully sells the victim of circumstance thanks to her proximity to the key players. Let’s just say her performance demonstrates a text book example of how to deliver “frustration” in film. Kim Dickens approaches Detective Rhonda Boney with an even balance of rational investigator, small town yokel and sincere do-gooder. Her performance reflects enough authority and confidence during the investigation of a crime without becoming overbearing and annoying. Neil Patrick Harris’ contribution as Desi Collings presents a supremely effective (and creepy) wild card to the entire drama who’s sheer presence evokes a level of discomfort that is vital to the plot’s mystery and always raises suspicion with the audience.

Gone Girl is not your average thriller because it is a story designed to take you to familiar places from a plot perspective, but it leaves the audience in the abandoned alley ways of the unexpected, unnerving and downright repulsive. This overall strategy makes a relatively simple plot much more captivating. Labeling this film as a cautionary tale to married couples does the story a bit of a disservice because it could be applied to the relationship between any two individuals as a psychological experiment in what anyone could rationalize if pushed to their emotional breaking point. The two and a half hour runtime gives the audience an added window to equally disturbing and mind bending circumstances that would have been otherwise completely dropped and left to the audience’s imagination once the central plot resolved and the reason for this is that it doesn’t really resolve. There’s enough of an open ending to allow for a multitude of “what if’s,” but make no mistake, a hopeful storybook is a possibility removed from the negotiating table. This film is an exceptional mystery that is disturbing, graphic and above all, incredibly uncomfortable. If the viewer is up for that kind of emotional gut check, I couldn’t recommend a better film. You’ll never have a better time being made to feel so bad.

Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #1

Now THAT’s more like it!

Despite the “subtle bigotry of low expectations” perpetrated against this title by Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”), it succeeds on nearly every level. And before I move on, I’d like to address Bonso’s ongoing bigotry against cosmic books, characters, and writers.

Before this book was ever released, Brevoort made several comments suggesting that he expected it to be a low seller and a quick cancellation. Alonso apparently felt the same – recently divulging how surprised he was that sales exceeded “expectations.” Bonso are responsible for the degradation of Marvel Cosmic into the “Marvel Universe” where, just like all Earth-based characters, all the cosmic characters are (stupidly) somehow subordinate to and less powerful than The Avengers. Bonso are responsible for the horrific messes that are Loeb’s NINO (Nova In Name Only) and Bendis’ GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only) – replacing better writers/concepts/characters/characterizations with inferior writers/concepts/characters/characterizations in a vain attempt to appeal to Spider-zombies and Avenger-zombies. Bonso were surprised when the MCU chose to make a Guardians of the Galaxy movie before a movie about many of their favored street-level characters – and even more surprised when it outsold the Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor movies. Basically, Bonso clearly doesn’t understand or respect cosmic – and they can’t seem to get cosmic right. They try to reduce cosmic to street-level, and that just doesn’t work. So Bonso – since you consistently lead in the wrong direction about cosmic and refuse to follow anyone who knows better than you about cosmic, why don’t you just get out of the way? Give cosmic its own line and appoint someone who likes and understands the characters to lead it. Then, recuse yourselves from any further involvement with cosmic – and take Loeb, Bendis, Duggan, NINO, and GotGINO with you.

G3000 proves what an accomplished science-fiction author can do with good source material. Each character has its own voice, and the interactions between characters are fluid and natural – just as we would expect for a team that’s been together for a long time. Abnett incorporates the slang of 31^st Century into the character interactions in such a manner that – while unfamiliar – it is nevertheless easily understood by any reader. Just as respectable science-fiction should, Abnett takes current grounded science facts and theories and extrapolates plausible future technology based upon these facts/theories. He wraps all of this into a tight, action-packed story that leaves the reader wanting more and excited about picking up the next issue in the series.

In contrast, Bendis’ GotGINO just takes hackneyed street-level Avengers-type stories/concepts and sets them in space, and Duggan’s NINO just rips off hackneyed Spide-Man concepts and sets them in space. Bendis’/Duggan’s characters are interchangeable, their interactions stilted, and their storylines implausible. Neither Bendis nor Duggan take any time to actually produce respectable science-fiction – preferring instead to load heavily on absurdity and then just throw things at the wall to see what sticks. That’s why Abnett soars and Bendis/Duggan sink.

The coloring of G3000 #1 is acceptable, but the art leaves something to be desired. Sandoval’s style is too cartoonish for this book. Devito, Walker, or McGuinness would have been better choices for this book as more realistic renderings tend to serve cosmic books better.

Abnett delivers a powerhouse first issue that breathes new life into the original GotG team. I would go so far as to say that this is the only truly cosmic book that Marvel is producing at this time. All the rest being touted as cosmic are really just “pseudo-cosmic” at best. So pick up your copy of G3000 today for Marvel Cosmic written as it should be.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #19 (Bendis)

It’s no secret that I think Bendis’ run on this title has been a disaster for the concepts and characters. He may be the “go to guy” for street level stories, but he’s “lost in space.”

Leave it to Bendis to stage a throw down in the collapsing Cancerverse between Thanos, Drax, (the real) Nova, Star-Lord, and the Revengers – have it illustrated by one of the best artists in the business complete with a strikingly compelling cover (that has nothing to do with the story, of course), and then have the story be so boring and so filled with continuity errors and mis-characterizations of the lead characters that the astute cosmic reader will be left feeling some strange combination of indignation, irritability, frustration, and disappointment.

Do you think Bendis actually read and understood The Thanos Imperative before he wrote this story arc? I think he just read the “Cliff’s Notes” version of it. Then he either misunderstood and/or promptly forgot even that and just wrote whatever the hell he wanted in order to sling out this story so he could devote more time to X-Men . This story (and Bendis’ entire run on this title) reads like it’s written by a guy who doesn’t really understand cosmic, doesn’t really like cosmic, doesn’t care enough to even try to get it right, and is really just doing it to cash in on the expected sales from the movie hype.

How come E-Vell isn’t all powerful and leading The Revengers? Why is E-Vell now a lackey? How is E-Vell even alive again since death killed him, entered the Cancerverse, and is busy destroying the Cancerverse? How are The Revengers alive again? With death functioning in the Cancerverse once again, how do any of these characters keep resurrecting? You can bet none of these inconvenient continuity questions will be answered as it would take too much time away from the inane banter among the characters that Bendis just loves to shoehorn into every issue. Hey Bendis – are you a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe? It’s sure coming across that way.

Who are Thanos and Drax? Especially Drax. I’ve never seen Drax talk and act like he does in this issue. Modern Drax is a Wolverine-ish, non-sentimental, bad-ass. He wouldn’t be holding Quill’s body in his arms and lamenting his loss. He wouldn’t be working with Thanos either. If he was anywhere close to Thanos, he’d be trying to kill him. I was almost embarrassed for Drax – the way Bendis has diminished him. And Thanos? I was actually embarrassed for him. Bendis has diminished him to the level of being the butt of the joke.

In contrast to last issue, Bendis writes Quill as the 20-something-year-old doofus he’s been writing since the lamentable day he took over this title. At least he shows how Quill became a decade younger.

Of course, as we all feared, Bendis saves the worst treatment for Nova. I mean the REAL Nova, Richard Rider, of course – not Loeb’s NINO. After all, Bendis has to pave the way for NINO with this story. Rich is portrayed out of character and much weaker than he should have been. He is shown having his arm sliced off by Revenger Cap’s shield. Sorry. Not going to happen. The Nova Prime should shrug that hit off with barely a notice that he had even been hit. But that’s Bendis’ lazy storytelling and his determination to humiliate the character and flip the real Nova’s fan base the bird once again. I’m sure Bendis will conveniently ignore Nova’s regenerative ability. He’s kind of telegraphed that he will in Quill’s dialogue.

Not to mention that Revenger Cap is shown holding his original pointed shield – and Nova’s arm is shown being sliced off by a round shield. Now there’s some editing worthy of Stephen Wacker. Did Wacker come back to edit this issue? That has to be the explanation.

You know – it shows that even in an alternate universe, Bendis has to make the “Avenger-ish” characters all powerful. He can’t keep himself from doing it. He’s made the Guardians the Avengers lackeys since the deplorable day he took over this title. Makes you think he’d rather be writing The Avengers, doesn’t it? I sure wish he’d go back to The Avengers and leave cosmic alone.

Gamora and Quill continue to be written out of character in their scenes where they argue about what happened in the Cancerverse. I’m not sure why Gamora keeps accusing Quill of lying or why Quill has kept any of this a secret. I suppose Bendis is saving the horror of those reveals for the next issue. I dread reading how Bendis will disrespect the REAL Nova and his fans one last time.

This issue is just one long, disappointing game of “keep away” using the Cosmic Cube as the prize. Truth is, this whole story of playing “keep away” with The Cosmic Cube is just dumb. Nova has The Worldmind inside of him. I’m sure The Worldmind would know exactly how to use the Cube to get back to the 616 Universe. Thanos was never needed for that task and it could’ve been accomplished immediately – stranding Thanos and not requiring Quill and Rich to sacrifice themselves. Bendis completely ignores the Worldmind’s presence, of course, as that would create a problem for his weak and poorly crafted storyline. But I’m sure all the Marvel Zombies and Bendis apologists will ignore the weaknesses and continuity errors and instead will take to Facebook and insist that this story was outstanding – just as they do for all Bendis products.

In summary, don’t let the striking, compelling cover of this issue fool you. It’s the perfect Wal-Mart-ish product – looks good on the outside, but don’t look closely on the inside or you’ll find that it’s shoddy, cheap, and most likely toxic.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #21

There is very little right with this book, but one of the major things wrong with it is that it tries way too hard to be Spiderman – and always falls short. When NINO goes to the Principal’s office, you halfway expect J. Jonah Jameson to be behind the desk yelling, “Parrrrrkerrrrr!” That sort of thing was priceless back in Spidey’s original heyday. Now, it’s just hackneyed.

Giffen and later, DnA, rightly realized that the Spiderman riff never really worked for Rider Nova and instead created a complex, powerful, and interesting character in their reboot. Leave it to the creative bankruptcy of Loeb, Duggan, Brevoort, Alonso, and Bendis to run as fast as they can in the opposite direction of Giffen’s innovation and for their reboot shovel out the trite, puerile, nonsense that is NINO.

The hilarious thing is that despite Brevoort and Alonso shoe-horning NINO into everything they possibly can and trying to make NINO a headliner – NINO still scrapes the bottom of the sales list – coming in at the low end of the top 100 or outside of the top 100 altogether most months. Buyers are staying away in droves despite having NINO constantly shoved in their faces. That bespeaks a weak character and a weak concept – and issue #21 is just icing on the weak cake.

Loeb, by his own admission, created a weak character and concept. Loeb said he wanted NINO to be an “idiot.” He certainly succeeded. In this issue, NINO finally gets around to going after his dad. His unfit parent of a mother allows him to skip school to do it. Hey, Duggan – fine message to the kiddies about the importance of education.

Duggan slathers on more weak sauce when he expects us to believe an advanced civilization with advanced technology would be fooled by a Trojan Horse trick, and NINO could just fly into a high security area, beat up all the more powerful adults, and then fly away unscathed. As usual, I was rooting for the logical outcome of such a scenario – with the adults winning and killing the little idiot. Alas – I was disappointed yet again with NINO improbably just flying away, and Duggan setting up a storyline reminiscent of The Guns of Will Sonnett where Jesse will be off aimlessly wandering through the cosmos with NINO always just missing crossing paths with him.

Weak. Insipidly sentimental. Hackneyed. It’s Duggan’s, Brevoort’s, Alonso’s, Loeb’s way of keeping NINO the teen-idiot-Spider-man-ish-Lone-Ranger without any competition from the much more interesting adult, Jesse, and the vastly superior concept, Giffen’s rebooted Rider Nova. That is to say, if Jesse was brought back to active duty it would be the same as if Rich Rider was brought back – fan interest would shift to the more interesting adult character, and Loeb’s NINO would deservedly be reduced to the silly teen side-kick that he is and mercifully fade away. That’s why Duggan et al will never let the adults play a more active role in this book other than to be more stupid than NINO.

In terms of art/coloring – I suppose the best was done with the material given to work with – but NINO continues to look ridiculous wearing a military uniform. He looks like a kid playing dress up with his dad’s uniform. And let’s face it, he is. At one point he refers to himself as “The Last Nova.” Nah. Never. Jesse was derelict. The last true Nova was Rich Rider. Idiot Sam was never inducted into the Corps, is not empowered by a higher authority to enforce pan-galactic law, and has never been trained to be a Nova. How could Sam the idiot be anything but a “Nova in Name Only?”

So leave this sad degradation of the once great Marvel Cosmic concepts on the shelf of your local comic shop and join the fans of the true Nova, Rich Rider, in their boycott. A few thousand less buyers and NINO will be in the dustbin where he belongs.

Comic Book News

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #18 (Bendis)

Bendis has earned praise writing street-level crime fantasy books – such as Daredevil. He’s unquestionably talented at producing such fare. Sadly, he has no “street cred” as a science-fiction writer. And it shows. It’s what people mean when they say they don’t like the “voice” of this series – especially in comparison to Volume II (you know, the Non-Bendis-Written material upon which the summer’s biggest movie was based).

Volume II soared into the awe and wonder of the cosmos with the Guardians directly – often single-handedly – involved in competently handling universe changing events. With Volume III, Bendis has reduced the Guardians to a marginally competent, third-rate Avengers-lite team; only slightly less obsessively Earthcentric than the actual Avengers and definitely not ready for prime time. He stuffs as many Avengers as possible into the team and has Star-Lord taking marching orders from the Avengers or worrying about what the Avengers will think about his actions. I’m sure at some point he’ll have the Guardians take on Kingpin in Hell’s Kitchen – and probably lose the fight. His conception of the Guardians has them taking on small problems mostly concerning Earth – and barely being able to handle these small problems. Of course, lots don’t like this “voice.” Face it, if not for the movie hype, this book would’ve been cancelled six ssues ago due to lack of interest/sales as nothing much of consequence has happened up to now. Even Brevoort has admitted that sales of this book are primarily due to movie hype.

This issue has been eagerly anticipated by several different factions. Rich Rider fans have hoped it will bring his return to full duty status in the Marvel Universe as the powerful, bad-ass hero he was in Volume IV of the Nova series. NINO fans hope it will be Rich’s death story so as to cement NINO in place once and for all. Neither faction will be satisfied by this issue. It’s just a long lead-in to a larger story arc that only begins to answer the question posed by Gamora at the beginning of the issue: “Where is Nova? What happened to Richard Ryder?” At least Gamora knows who the REAL Nova is. And apparently Bendis has spelling problems. Hey Bendis – it’s spelled R-i-d-e-r.

Unless Bendis uncharacteristically resists the obvious clichés being telegraphed in this issue, this story arc will likely be a gift to the NINO fans who want Rich gone once and for all. Star-Lord appears to be under the influence of a Cosmic Cube trying to protect itself – and (the actual) Nova appears to be getting ready to take the Cube away from him before Thanos can gain possession of it. You can guess what happens next. Particularly with the Revengers set to guest-star next issue.

I will say that this issue is the best issue of the worst GotG series to date. It has more competently performed action than all previous issues combined. And Rich’s brief action sequences and panel time are better than all 20 issues of NINO combined. I also enjoyed seeing Star-Lord back in uniform and actually acting like his Volume II self rather than the 20-something-year-old doofus that he has been morphed into by Bendis. I enjoyed seeing Drax in his intelligent, muscular, tattoo-less, purple-skull-cap-wearing incarnation obsessed with killing Thanos. Thanos himself came across as less menacing/powerful than he should have been. Thanos’ portrayal is the big disappointment in this issue. Thanos plans for all possible contingencies. He should’ve already found several ways to exit the Cancerverse independent of the Cube and harassment from Star-Lord, (the real) Nova, and Drax. He’s pretty much an ineffectual talker at this point.

The art and coloring are outstanding. As always, McGuinness and Ponsor do not disappoint. As is typical, the art is the best feature of Volume III.

So, it’s a mixed bag with Bendis apparently setting up to flip the bird to the Rider fans once again. Hold on – because it’s going to be a rocky ride for the next couple of months as both fan factions invested in the outcome of this storyline engage in some bruising fights in comic book forums.

Comic Book News Marvel

Advanced Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #18

This independent reporter was invited to interview writer, Brian M. Bendis, in regard to Issue #18 of GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only). Mr. Bendis insisted that the interview take place at the headquarters of Comic Book Resources. This reporter arrived at CBR at the designated time and was promptly escorted to a room containing a full size replica of the Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne placed high upon a dais with no visible staircase. A bell rang, and CBR’s staff of comic book reviewers and forum moderators rushed into the room to form a human staircase leading up to the throne. Bendis’ Chancellor, the one-eyed hunchback known as Jonah, slowly ascended the human staircase to stand behind and to the right of the throne beside a small table containing a vial. A trumpet sounded, and Bendis rushed in from a side door, rapidly ascended the human staircase, and plopped down upon the throne. He looked at Jonah and nodded affirmatively. Jonah picked up the vial – now clearly seen to be labelled ‘Rogain’ – squirted some of its content into his hands, and began giving Bendis a slow scalp massage. The human staircase of CBR comic book reviewers and CBR forum moderators then dispersed – bowing to Bendis, surrounding the Iron Throne, and hissing at this reporter.

Jonah: [frowning at TL] It is customary to bow in the presence of the Master.

TL: He’s not my master, and my people don’t bow.

Jonah: [strong look of disapproval on his face, yells] You are not among your people now!

TL: Just the same, we don’t bow.

Jonah: [falls to his knees before Bendis] Master! Please allow me to ban this filthy infidel as we do all filthy infidels who refuse to conform to our worship of you and your company! Or, if it please you, allow me to subject him to all the insults regularly directed toward him by all your sycophants who frequent our forums! I beseech thee!

BMB: [waves his had dismissively] Nay. A King must be merciful and forgiving. I grant him Pardon for these and all other offenses against the Crown and the Realm. But pray, Jonah, while kneeling shine my shoes. As always, their luster must exceed that of my head’s luster to draw attention from it. Now send in my fool so that we may begin with some entertainment.

Jonah: [Nods to a guard at the side door. Begins shining shoes. The side door opens and Tom Brevoort runs out holding three juggling pins. He fumbles the pins, trips over his duster and falls to the floor knocking himself out. His funny brown hat falls off and a half-eaten Egg McMuffin rolls from underneath it. The whole room laughs as he is carried back through the door].

TL: [laughing] Thanks, Bendis. That was funny.

BMB: Come back on Wednesday to see my Chief Fool, Wacker, perform.

TL: I may take you up on that. I’d like to begin by asking you a few questions about GotGINO #18. I notice that you don’t make spelling mistakes with headliner characters – so we don’t see mis-spells like ‘Toney Starke’ or ‘Thore’ or ‘Steve Rodgers’ in your books. Yet, you’ve consistently mis-spelled Rich Rider’s name as ‘Ryder.’ Do you have some sort of intermittent dyslexia or do you just not care enough to get it right?

Jonah: [stops shining shoes, jumps to his feet, a look of outrage on his face; the hissing of the CBR forum moderators and comic book reviewers increases in volume to near deafening levels; Jonah points accusatorily at TL and thunderously yells] Hold, peasant! You will NOT question the Master’s infallibility! Guards! Seize the heretic!

BMB: [raises his hand to the approaching guards] Hold! [to the CBR moderators/reviewers] Silence! [to Jonah] Resume polishing. The un-believer has been given an audience, and the ways of his people are different than ours. We shall tolerate his heresy by and by.

Jonah: [shoots TL a look of pure hatred; bows to BMB] Yes, Master. Do you mean for me to polish your shoes or your head?

BMB: My head.

Jonah: [retrieves a chamois cloth from his pocket, sprinkles Rogaine onto it, begins buffing BMB’s head]

TL: In a recent interview, you blame DnA for killing Rich Rider in an apparent attempt to deflect blame for whatever you’re going to do in GotGINO #18. Yet, DnA have been quoted in an interview in which I served as a questioner that they in fact did not kill Rich – just marooned him in the Cancerverse until their book was returned from what was then termed a ‘hiatus.’ Only later did we learn that in Marvel-speak the word ‘hiatus’ meant ‘cancelled’ despite Quesada, and more recently, Marvel Editor Bill Rosemann, saying that Rich’s book had solid sales numbers — as did Volume II of GotG. Care to come clean and admit that Rich’s ‘death’ is just an editorial ret-con to make room for Loeb’s awful NINO, and the garbage that Wacker spouts about sales being responsible for Volume II GotG being cancelled is also a lie? You guys just wanted to cash in on the expected surge in sales for cosmic coming from the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, right?

Jonah: [the hissing of the CBR moderators/reviewers again increases in volume; Jonah whines] Master, how much must we abide? Let me at least ban the infidel heretic.

BMB: Nay. I wilst clearest this matter upest. I say again unto you, heretic, that all is the fault of DnA.

TL: I guess next you’ll be blaming Moon Knight on them.

BMB: [eyes narrow] Just so. DnA told me to write Moon Knight that way. Yeah. That’s right. They made me write Moon Knight that way. Abnett tied me to a chair and Lanning pistol whipped me until I agreed to sign my name to their treatment of Moon Knight. Yeah. That’s the ticket. So, once again, it was DnA’s fault.

TL: And Secret Invasion?

BMB: The fault of DnA.

TL: Of course.

BMB: I do tire of this line of questioning. I much prefer the soft-ball questions and flattery of IGN or CBR. Jonah, show the heretic out.

Jonah: [CBR Moderators/Reviewers form another human staircase; Jonah decends; points to the door] This way, filthy infidel.

TL: [turns to leave; then darkness]

TL: I awoke tied to a chair in a sub-basement of CBR HQ. Other political prisoners were tied up next to me. We were subjected to terrible torture – including power-point presentations of every issue of NINO and GotGINO with commentary from Loeb and Bendis; daily recitations from Brevoort’s Tumblr page; and screenings of every episode of Loeb’s and Wacker’s Ultimate Spiderman, Hulk and the Agents of SMASH, and Avengers cartoons. Just as we were about to give up hope, we were rescued by a Commando Team led by Stingerman, dmills, Kalen Rann, MysterioHelmet, MBond, Sephiroth89, Twinkfist, and NovaSpaceKnightBetaReyX51. To this brave Commando Team, we former political prisoners are forever grateful. Unfortunately, TL’s recordings of this interview were not recovered during the initial rescue. They were recovered at a later time by Bothan Spies. Many Bothan Spies gave their lives to bring you this interview. I hope you enjoyed it. –TL

*Special thanks to MBond for the inspiration for the spelling joke.

Note: This is an article in a series of satirical/parody Opinion-Editorial type articles and reviews of GotGINO and NINO. If you’re a GotGINO, NINO, or Bendis fan; you’re probably not going to like it. So, spare yourself the upset, stop reading right now, and go on over to CBR to read any article heaping un-deserved praise upon NINO, GotGINO, Bendis, etc. You have been warned. Proceed at your own risk of outrage – and don’t whine about it on the forums or on Facebook if this article presents views radically different than yours. You have been warned.

Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #20

Marvel Vice-President, Tom Brevoort, agreed to grant this independent reporter an interview over breakfast under the condition that I pick up the tab. He asked me to meet him at a McDonalds just off Times Square. I entered the restaurant and saw him sitting by himself in a booth wearing his signature brown hat and duster.

TL: Good morning, Mr. Brevoort.

Brevoort: [looks TL up and down] I thought you’d be taller.

TL: I’m 6 feet tall.

Brevoort: [motioning to a restaurant employee approaching with a platter full of Egg McMuffins and hash browns] Pony up, son!

TL: [hands the waitress a credit card] I don’t think I’ve ever spent $80 at a McDonalds before.

Brevoort: [hands TL one Egg McMuffin and one hashbrown; keeps the rest for himself] Really? I have. Regularly.

TL: I’m a little surprised you granted me this interview. I mean, given that we’ve had a pretty contentious set of exchanges in the past.

Brevoort: Wilth, Shceeber culdnt bay tady.

TL: Excuse me?

Brevoort: [swallows mouthful of Egg McMuffin] Well, CBR couldn’t buy today.

TL: Of course.

TL: I just finished reading NINO #20 and I wanted to get your reaction to some of my observations about NINO in general and this issue in particular.

Brevoort: [rolls eyes] Again with the NINO stuff? Really? He’s ‘Nova’ because I made him Nova. There’s no ‘In Name Only’ to it. Take it or leave it. I replaced Rider with Sam; and it’s Sam or nothing.

TL: I know that’s you position, and I’m glad you brought it up because that was going to be one of my questions. He’s never been inducted into the Corps by anyone empowered to do so, he doesn’t report to a higher authority, he’s had no training and is unfamiliar with any pan-galactic law granting the Corps law enforcement authority, he doesn’t live up to the ideals of the Corps, and even after issue #20 it’s not clear whether the so-called ‘Black Novas’ were criminals or eventually officially sanctioned. He’s wearing his dad’s uniform and pretending to be a Nova. How is he anything other than a Nova In Name Only?

Brevoort: You cosmic fans think about stuff too much. Look – we just want to sell books. That’s what we do. It doesn’t have to make sense. The zombies will still buy it. My advice to you and your little cosmic fan friends – just stop thinking and start buying.

TL: In other words, become zombies.

Brevoort: Sure. Whatever. [Drops some McMuffins into the pockets of his duster; puts a McMuffin and a hash brown under his hat].

TL: So now I understand the outfit.

Brevoort: Yeah – the coat has deep pockets for snacks and the hat traps heat to keep one warm for a mid-morning snack later.

TL: What about the child soldier issue then. You say forget logic and just go with it. But, come on. In this issue he skips school, almost dies from poisoning, and destroys the defenses at a military outpost that he should have protected. In fact, why were the defenses activated against him anyway if he’s a real Nova as you claim? Particularly since the computer recognized him as Jesse. Furthermore, isn’t it poor parenting for both of his parents to encourage him to risk his life? Isn’t it a poor example for him to skip school and to be disrespectful to teachers as he has in the past? Aren’t you sending the wrong message to the 8-year-olds at whom this book is presumably aimed?

Brevoort: [slowly finishes a hash brown before answering] Bucky, Mulan, Katness, Arya Stark, Joan of Arc, etc.

TL: Precedents? Your argument is precedents? Just because minors have risked their lives before in fiction and historical fact doesn’t make it morally right in reality or in fiction in the present. And most of those weren’t encouraged to do so by their parents. And presumably you’d like these 8-year-olds at whom this book is aimed to be able to read so they can continue to buy your products – so what’s with the disrespect for school and teachers?

Brevoort: [motions to my untouched hash browns] You gonna eat that?

TL: It’s all yours.

Brevoort: [finishes the hash brown; un-raps another McMuffin] You do know this is fantasy, right?

TL: Of course. But shouldn’t it follow some internal logic? Otherwise, it talks down to the reader. Also, don’t you have a responsibility to send an appropriate message to the young readers you’re trying to capture? Is glorifying using children as soldiers and deprecating education the right message?

Brevoort: It’s selling above cancellation threshold, so the zombies like it well enough. Like I said before…………

TL: Stop thinking and start buying.

Brevoort: [winks] Riiiiiight. On to a more important topic. Have you tried their new Peaches & Cream fried pies?

TL: No. But order away if you like.

Brevoort: [waves at the employees to get their attention; Points at the fried pie rack and puts up 5 fingers]

TL: Sorry, but I have to follow up because that unbridled Capitalism argument just doesn’t cut it. What about the moral implications of using a child as a soldier? You claim NINO is a real Nova just because you say so. If he’s a real Nova, that makes him a soldier. Rich was at least enlistment age when he was deputized. NINO was 14 when he was first sent into battle with minimal training. The entire world is now condemning use of children as combatants and as shields for combatants. Why is Marvel/Disney glorifying it?

Brevoort: Well maybe if this place would hire a few 8-year-olds, I could get my fried pies a little faster. [yells at the front counter] Hey! Where’s my pies?

TL: You can’t be serious.

Brevoort: Like I said……….

TL: Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort: [winks] Riiiiight. [snatches a sack full of pies from a McD employee] You don’t want one of these do you?

TL: [hands credit card to McD employee] All yours.

TL: All right. What about the weapon of mass destruction issue? NINO is portrayed as an irresponsible minor. He skips school, is disrespectful to teachers, he’s negligent in babysitting his sister allowing her to put on the ‘magic helmet’ and inadvertently do damage. He’s portrayed as having at least Centurion level powers – essentially, the destructive powers of a tactical nuclear weapon. How is it that all the adults in the Marvel Universe are just fine with him having enough power to level a city – yet being demonstrably irresponsible in its use?

Brevoort: [stares with a mouthful of fried pie] Haff yubn lstning?

TL: Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort: [swallows the pie] Right. And speaking of buying, I’m getting a little thirsty. [motions at the shake machine and puts up 2 fingers]

TL: Go for it.

TL: Let’s move on to characterization. In this issue, Rocket is written completely out of character as a thug who beats up a doctor who is only trying to help him. Fans have also been upset by the writing out of character of most of the cosmic characters who have appeared in NINO’s book and in GotGINO. Starstalker was recently written as a cowardly idiot. Spaceknights have been written as buffoons. Cosmo has been written completely out of character every time he has appeared. And don’t get me started on the wreck Bendis has made of the GotG team. Simple question. Why? And don’t tell me, ‘Stop thinking, start buying,’ if you want me to pay for those shakes.

Brevoort: Look. We understand how to sell comic books. You don’t. The zombies aren’t all that imaginative. They have to have someone who’s relatable – you know, like a Norse God, a Billionaire Inventor, a World War II Soldier, a Canadian Guy with a metal skeleton and claws, a smart-ass mercenary who can’t be killed, a human with the powers of a spider, or a guy who turns into a giant green monster when he gets mad. Anybody could relate to them, right? But these space characters – now they are just weird! Totally un-relatable in comparison! I mean, who could relate to a weirdo like Star-Lord? Now – a female version of Thor – that I can relate to in an instant. Who couldn’t? And why would anybody care about anything happening outside the surface of the Earth anyway? We had to dumb down and camp up those weirdo cosmic characters – and also contrive some reason for them to be obsessed with Earth in order to get the zombies interested. In the case of Sam, Loeb just wanted to create a character with a readymade fan base – and we didn’t think there were enough of you Rider fans to make much of a fuss if we replaced Rider. In fact, we didn’t think you’d even notice and that you’d buy it anyway. [motions to the approaching McD employee holding 2 shakes] Now how about those shakes.

TL: [hands the McD employee a credit card] I think you’re under-estimating the intelligence of your readers.

Brevoort: [belly laughs, spurting a mouthful of shake onto the table] That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!

TL: The art used to be the best part of the cosmic books. Lately, it’s taken a turn for the worse. NINO #20’s art was cartoonish.

Brevoort: We have a saying. Why pay for good art when the zombies will buy anything – and then take to the forums and insist the bad art is good! [laughs, shakes his head] Gotta love those zombies.

TL: I must say that I’m feeling more discouraged about the future of cosmic than I did when I walked in the door. In closing, can you give me any hope for a better future?

Brevoort: Absolutely! I have a better future planned beginning tonight!

TL: Really? Can you talk about it?

Brevoort: Of course! It’s ‘all you can eat steak night’ at The Golden Corral! The future is looking pretty good to me right about now. Care to join me tonight to finish this interview? You pick up the tab, of course.

TL: No, thanks. I think we’ve just about covered everything we need to cover.

Note: This continues the series of satirical/parody reviews of Marvel’s so-called Cosmic books.

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