I just got home from Venom 3. There were literally six people in the theater. Everyone hated it. Four of them didn’t even bother staying for the post-credit scenes. I dropped f-bombs myself after the last post-credit scene at the end. You can watch my walking out of the theater reaction video here.
Note: Spoilers follow.
Venom: The Last Dance actually starts off pretty decent as things kick off right at the end of No Way Home. There’s a funny “tequila” scene with Eddie and Venom. They decide to disappear to NYC. There’s even a nod to Spider-Man as the yarn is colored red and blue.
It’s not the best writing, but it’s fun and that’s what you come to expect from a Venom movie. I’ll say if you liked the first two Venom films (I thought the first was okay, and Let There Be Carnage sucked), you’ll like Venom 3.
That said, the problem with Venom 3 is the the funny stuff and goofiness just doesn’t stop. It needed to stop based on what was happening (it coulda been Infinity War), but it’s like some bozo said “this is too serious, we need to add goofy stuff to even things out” (it’s like Thor: Ragnarok meets “Dance off, bro”). That was the wrong decision.
All that goofiness ruined the movie for me and really took away from the rest of Venom 3. It definitely took away from the story, especially the lead up to end, which was a huge scene, but came off as dumb and lazy.
Why the f’k was Rhys Ifans in the movie?! That family stuff was so f’n stupid. Okay, add a bit of comedic relief here or there, but again, it just doesn’t f’n stop. Ditch the little kid. Holy fk! Enough!
So we get the goofy singing family scene. I could handle it because I thought we were done with all that BS. Nope. Eddie goes into the casino. I thought Venom would help Eddie win millions. Instead, another goofy scene where Venom becomes a gambling addict. Okay, I can still handle it. But then someone hits the jackpot, and it’s Mrs. Chen. Who? Yeah, I had no idea who she was and had to look her up. Anyway, she takes Eddie to the Penthouse. There’s another goofy ass scene where Venom dances with her. It’s just too much damn cringe and goofiness. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the movie. Then the military show up, and blast Venom with sonic weapons (that they never use again in the rest of the f’n movie!!!) and capture Eddie and Venom.
So the military takes Eddie and Venom to Area-51. Well, it turns out Rhys Ifans’ goal in life is to see an alien, so he is taking his family to Area 51. Yep, get this – where anyone who knows anything about Area-51 knows trespassers can get shot on site – they sneak through a hole in the fence and get in! They explain it by that Area 51 is getting shut down. Meanwhile, the military base that houses aliens is still accessible through Area 51. Yeah, that makes sense.
That’s the problem with Venom 3, there’s too much shit that doesn’t make sense.
So the military has Eddie and Venom captured, and they’re separated. Eddie is in his cell. Chiwetel Ejiofor’s character got permission to take over the base, and since Eddie killed the soldier in that water scene (which felt out of character, and the elite soldiers hardly felt elite when Eddie is simply pulling off their masks and oxygen tubes – WTF?!), Ejiofor is going to return the favor. Well, it turns out – with no f’n explanation – Christmas (no idea what her name is) has the Venom symbiote. And then, the Stephen Graham symbiote breaks free, too! WTF?!
Before I continue, so the Knull stuff was decent. He needs a codex to escape his prison. Venom/Eddie have the codex because it’s formed by a symbiote bringing back someone to life (or something like that). Anyway, so Knull sends a xenophage after Venom via a portal (which looks just like the MCU/Doctor Strange’s portal). Now this isn’t any normal symbiote, it’s MOFO bad ass! It looks like a giant lizard with all these teeth. And when it f’n eats someone? It spits their blood out of the back of its head like a woodchipper! I found myself saying “Holy f’k!” on more than one occasion (and probably why they decided to add all the goofiness).
So Venom explains to Eddie what’s going on, that Knull needs the codex etc. and Knull is going to destroy the universe. However, the xenophage can only see the codex when Venom is full Venom. It’s basically as blind as a bat. So what’s Venom do? Of course, all throughout the movie, he becomes full Venom! He becomes full Venom when he dances with Mrs. Chen and doesn’t even care.
Okay, back to the end of the movie. So the xenophage attacks Venom. All the other symbiotes are free and combine with humans to take on the xenophage. It’s actually pretty cool (almost like Avengers-level cool but without the music – what was up with that?!). But then it’s more dumb shit with Rhys Ifans and his family who are stranded on a tower watching everything unfold. Eddie saves them. The kid is crying or whatever the f’k and thanks Eddie. Cringe AF. So unneeded.
So Venom still doesn’t want to change into full form but the xenophage is somehow following them all (why did the xenophage decide to jump on the helicopter in Vegas (lucky guess, I guess)??? So Eddie decides to get on a motorcycle to take on the xenophage. Fast-forward until the end. The xenophage calls more of the xenophages. Venom f’n absorbs all the xenophages and sacrifices himself to save Eddie. Oh, and Ejiofor helps by blowing himself up, too (WTF, LOL).
Meanwhile, throughout the movie they have been building up Juno Temple’s character. There’s flashback scenes where she was with her bro on a beach. They get hit by lightning, he dies. It was his dream to be a NASA scientist. Well, she becomes the scientist, but the accident caused her arm to become paralyzed. So at the end, when the big attack was going on at the base, she kept a vial of a symbiote. When everything is exploding at the end courtesy Ejiofor, she breaks the vial, merges with the symbiote, and saves Christmas, becoming Super Venom meets The Flash. Her arm is healed. Yay!
Flick ends with Eddie in NYC remembering Venom. There’s flashback scenes from the previous two movies. No one gives a fk. Franchise is over. Bring on Tom Holland in the black suit.
Venom: The Last Dance had potential to be a really good movie. However, if Sony actually gave a fk (Amy Pascal, Avi Arad, Matt Tolmach – just give it up, already), we might have had that. Instead, it’s a disappointing mess of a movie. Also, don’t bother staying for the final post-credit scene. It will leave an even worse taste in your mouth. It’s horrible.
So I did like the Venom and Eddie scenes, I liked the military stuff, the special effects are good, and I liked Knull and the xenophage. However, I couldn’t stand Rhys Ifans (his f-bomb felt so forced), couldn’t stand the dancing Mrs. Chen scene, I felt Juno Temple’s character went underdeveloped, and I felt the scenes were all thrown together and didn’t transition right and the story was lacking. Venom: The Last Dance gets a 5.10. Really disappointing finish.
