Yeah, I’m almost three months late, but that’s only because the first one sucked so much, so I finally got around to seeing The Nun 2 and, yep, it sucks because of adding woke elements.
Wait? How can The Nun 2 be woke when it’s all about women, of course, you are going to ask.
Well, just featuring women or diversity isn’t woke in itself, it’s when the story is changed to satisfy those diverse requirements that come at – you guessed if you watched The Nun 2 – the expense of the story.
How is diversity used at the expense of the story in The Nun 2?
Well, I’ll state the obvious: Storm Reid’s character has ZERO reason to be in this movie and is only included because she is a POC. Her acting was terrible (what year is it?), she didn’t fit with anything, and I am betting the character of Debra was added in rewrites to satisfy the “diversity” requirements, which took away screen time from every other character including Taissa Farmiga who is fantastic.
It’s 1956. It’s France. It’s a school of girls. We need diversity. Checkmark.
How about the end?
Boy, was the end of the movie HORRIBLE!
Recap
So we learn the demon, Valak, has been after a set of eyeballs from Saint Lucy whose eyeballs were plucked by pagans when they attempted to burn her alive but miraculously she didn’t burn. So instead of burning her, the pagans tore out her eyes. Well, I guess they didn’t kill her and she escaped? Anyway, then her descendants managed to get ahold of the eyeballs, which are now relics that have holy power and are passed down from generation to generation.
It’s also learned that Valak was once an angel but has been rejected by God so that makes Valak an even badder demon. Well, Valak wants the eyes of St. Lucy to get back some of the power that God took away (or something). Valak also ends up surviving the first movie by possessing Maurice who travels from town to town killing the descendants of Lucy and searching for the eyeballs.
Guess what? Valak actually acquires the eyes at the end of the movie! Valak lights Irene on fire!
Holy shit (no pun intended)! What an ending!
That’s far from the end
Wait! Whaa-t?! That’s not the end?! Fuck no!
The fire has no effect! Lucy sees visions of her crazy mom! Lucy is immune to the fire (+10!)! There’s fucking wine spraying everywhere! “Pray with me!” Debra never believed! She fucking does now! Boom! They turn the wine into the blood of Christ! Valak fucking burns as the blood of Christ is EVERYWHERE!!! Just like the first movie!!!
THE END!
WTF?
So how the fuck does Valak end up returning for The Conjuring 2 and Maurice is still fucking possessed?! Fuck if I know!
Who wrote this garbage? LOL.
What really happened
Wait, I haven’t filled you in about what really happened at the end. My 13 years of Catholic school have finally paid off!!!
Question: How do NUNS change the wine into the blood of Christ?
Answer: THEY CAN’T — according to the Catholic church [insert smiley sunglasses emoji].
Do you know what the nuns in the movie really do? What they really do is basically perform a mass. If you are Catholic, that’s called sacrilege! Only priests can perform the mass and change wine into the blood of Christ, aka The Transubstantiation. Only males, of course, can be priests, according to the Catholic Church.
So what happens in The Nun 2? The female nuns take the place of the male priests. The female nuns change the wine into the blood of Christ. And of course, the female nuns save the day in a story that doesn’t make any sense.
I’m betting there is a different script out there minus Debra and also one with a lot more killings. How come none of the school girls died? I think that one delivery girl got her neck snapped and then you never heard about it again? Huh? Who wants to bet some studio head came down and said, “We can’t have all these girls dying? Okay, kill one, and then kill the old bag. That’s fine. We can use her later in a scene that also makes zero fucking sense.”
Some other thoughts:
How the fuck long is Maurice possessed for? He’s mentioned as killing himself and nearly his family in one of The Conjuring movies like 15 years later. Damn, sucks to be that guy.
What’s up with the goat? So are the old lady and the devil goat both Valak? Why the fuck would Valak give a shit about the little girls when Valak’s goal is to get the Infinity Stones eyes?
What the fuck is up with Sophie? She sees visions of Valak, doesn’t say a f’n thing, and then is the first person to actually ACTIVATE the eyes. Is she, too a descendant of Lucy? It seems like they were building her up a lot and instead went back to Irene (didn’t Sophie also see the vision from The Conjuring 2 hallway scene???). Again, seems like there may have been a different script or two. Also, why was she seeing Valak as a nun? They said Valak comes to you as someone you know, Sophie doesn’t know that nun, right? Also, if I am ever left hanging somewhere to die, I want this girl at my side!!!
How about that priest who also got burned alive? Wasn’t he also a descendant of Lucy? Then why wasn’t he immune from fire? Man that sucks.
Also, how about the boy with the priest? What was the whole point of tracking him down? Was it so Irene could learn the boy had the Rosary while the priest did not? Also, at the end, I believe, Irene was holding the Rosary, but they didn’t make a point about the Rosary at all. What’s really going on with the Rosary?
The movie could have actually been decent if the script was tuned better and it probably also needed a better director and maybe producers who give a shit.
Needs diversity? Add Debra. Check. Let’s give the Catholics a big FU. The nuns change wine into blood. Check. Set fire to the priest who is a male descendent of Lucy. Check. Irene is a female descendant and immune. Check. Irene and POC Debra save the day (It takes two to make a thing go right!). Check. Maurice is a real SOB and dies years later. Check. Don’t mention what the Rosary really is about? Double Check.
The final checkmark of them all is that if Irene is a descendant of Lucy, that means Vera Farmiga’s Lorraine Warren from The Conjuring movies is also a descendant of Lucy, which explains her OP “psychic” powers. They’re all saints!
(h/t: and this is why a lot of Redditors were left scratching their heads after watching)
