Comic Book News

Marvel Comics is going retro for the month of February as various titles will feature Phil Noto variant covers.

Below you can check out a gallery of the work.

We see that Noto was inspired by the Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning 2008 Guardians of the Galaxy comic book (that Marvel cancelled) for the Rocket Raccoon cover.

Marvel also keeps it PC with the Cap and Thor covers.

Here’s the Rocket pic for reference from War of Kings #3:

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18612:]]

For another lump of coal in your Christmas Stocking, check out GotGINO* #22.  Actually, it’s more like a hot potato than a lump of coal as Bendys spends the entire issue playing hot potato with Venom’s symbiote.

I know Bendys and his easily pleased fanboys think it’s just madcap fun to have the symbiote jump from Guardian to Guardian.  Actually, it’s just tiresome and silly.  Bendis has reduced the Guardians to a bunch of bumbling buffoons, stumbling their way through every relatively minor situation they encounter and making some implausibly bad decisions along the way.  I blame Marvel for pulling good writers from this book and putting Bendys on it – but we are getting exactly what we expected from Bendis – a bad Seinfeldification of the once great concepts.  Literally, a comic book about nothing.  The real culprits here are the fanboys who keep buying this lame attempt at a space-based situation comedy – and its sister books, LSINO and RRINO, books that have also have adopted the bad sit-com formula and in the case of RRINO, mixed in some Looney Tunes concepts.

At least Seinfeld took the mundane aspects of everyday life and made them interesting and funny.  Bendis has taken the once great GotG team who single-handedly faced and overcame universal threats – and turned them into inexplicably Earth-obsessed Avengers-Lite who, for some stupid reason, take their marching orders from The Avengers and always have to have an Avenger or two on the team.  How dumb is all that?  Pretty dumb.

And the Avengers chosen?  CMINO, Carol Danvers, who came across as a weepy, whiny, and inexplicably homesick female cliché in this month’s utterly forgettable Bendys-written GotGINO annual.  Really?  She’s homesick?  Like she’s never before been to space?  Like she’s really that desperate for a hug?  Like she’s not a high-ranking military officer and seasoned warrior?  Seriously Bendys, that’s not only bad writing – it’s an insult to women.  In this issue she’s inexplicably doing security duty on Knowhere?  Isn’t that Cosmo’s job?  Bendis’ lack of familiarity with the cosmic characters always manages to rear its ugly, shiny head. 

Venom on the team?  It’s time to start questioning SLINO’s leadership.  Why would “Starlord” allow The Avengers to make Venom The Guardians’ problem?  That’s not the true Starlord of old.  It’s not even James Gunn’s watered down “sociopath with a heart of gold SL.”  That’s just the bumbling idiot into which Bendys has morphed SL – essentially, Starlord in Name Only.

Bendis’ new storyline has Spartax trying to replace the deposed J’Son (aka, “Mr. Knife,” the most ridiculously named pseudo-villain in quite some time) with SLINO.  Hold on to your seats and grab some Pepto-Bismol!  I predict more “madcap fun” is in the offing – no doubt replete with enough misunderstandings and slapstick to bring a nostalgic tear to the eye of all the now retired writers of the old sit-com, Three’s Company.

Bendys just can’t seem to get the characterization right for any of this cast.  Drax is unrecognizable.  Bendis just kind of uses him as a punching bag and has dropped the bad-ass belligerent attitude that Giffen created and honed to perfection.   Rocket is no longer a tactician, and Groot is no longer brilliant or powerful.  They’re just around for comic relief.  Gamora is less “The Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe” and more a damsel in distress.  Congratulations, Bendys!  You’ve done what you do best and totally demolished all the concepts that once made GotG a great read by taking the cliché-breaking characters of the past and reducing them to comic book clichés.

At least the art and coloring are easy on the eyes.  Schiti has grown into producing decent quality cosmic art, and Keith’s colors are spot-on.

So do cosmic fandom a favor and leave this one on the shelf.  Marvel needs to be sent a clear message that cosmic is not a code-word for bad situation comedy.

*Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only

I admit that I had my doubts about this book after reading the preview of it in the GotGINO anniversary issue.  I also had my doubts that the classic team could provide grist for interesting stories.  I’m overjoyed to say that my doubts have been allayed with the publication of this issue.

Welcome to Marvel’s one and only truly cosmic comic book.  It goes to show you what a writer with true science-fiction street cred can produce.

It’s simply gravy to know that Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”) are surprised, puzzled, and/or annoyed by the success of this book.  They seem invested in thinking that the key to cosmic success is silly, campy, jokey, juvenile tripe (like Duggan’s NINO and Bendys’* GotGINO) rather than the serious, para-military science-fiction of Volume IV of Nova, Volume II of GotG, and now, Guardians 3000.  It makes me happy to see Bonso proved wrong – and I’m happy frequently as they are wrong so very often.

Abnett weaves a fascinating “timey-wimey” tale – breathing new life into the time-causality-loop story trope with introduction of new character, Geena, who can “sense time structure.”  Abnett does what a good SF writer does best – extrapolates from the present to build a plausible future.  In this case, he takes the present Marvel Universe and builds a future where Stark tech is apparently co-opted by the Badoon invaders and used for terribly wrong purposes. 

Abnett also shines by giving each of the Guardians a distinct voice and characterization.  Each Guardian has an important role to play, they work together as a fighting team, they face important problems, and they effectively solve said problems.  They’re slang is made part of their natural communication and the situations they find themselves in aren’t played for cheap laughs.  There’s plenty of action and adventure with high stakes consequences at the end of the day.  And, best of all, they’re not obsessed with or beholden to The Avengers or any future iteration or remnant of The Avengers.

Contrast that with Bendys’* current absolutely dreadful Guardians of the Galaxy (in Name Only) Volume III – and you’ll see how Bendis comes up lacking.  Like I said – it’s the difference between Abnett – a skilled writer with SF street cred – and Bendys, a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe.

The only downside to G3000 is the art.  Sadly, while Sandoval is a good artist and his style would be appropriate for another type of book, it is not right for G3000.  A more photo-realistic approach works better for SF comics – and unfortunately Sandoval’s depictions are often too abstract.  His focus on using teeth and grimacing to convey emotion and action is jarring at times – not to mention a way over-used technique.  The exaggerated body proportions are also both jarring and disappointingly unattractive.  Delgado does his best to soften Sandoval’s extremes with color and shading, but at the end of the day many are going to be turned off by the art and sadly, this may affect sales negatively.

It literally doesn’t get any better for Marvel Cosmic than this – because this is Marvel’s one and only true cosmic book at present.  I hope every cosmic fan will leave NINO, GotGINO, LSINO, and RRINO on the shelf and instead buy multiple copies of G3000 with the money they save as G3000 deserves our whole-hearted support and encouragement.  And as an added bonus, we get to frustrate Bonso by making G3000 a success and their favored tripe the failure it deserves to be.

Next issue sees the premiere of the Worldmind-connected Nova Prime of the G3000 era, an apparent descendant of one of the Rider men and Irani Rael.  If for no other reason, I call on all true Nova fans to support this book to spite Bonso.

*Bendis’ name will be deliberately randomly misspelled throughout this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

Since when is Star-Lord so clumsy and un-skilled with the ladies?  Oh yeah – since Bendys* has been providing what passes for the writing of this book.  It’s embarrassingly bad, really.  Star-Lord was NEVER like this until Bendis got his greedy little paws on the character.  Even Gunn didn’t mangle the characterization as badly for the movie.  Humphries makes it even worse in his LSL book.  I know the zombies who are keeping the sales of this book at acceptable levels have a high tolerance for cringe-worthy writing, but really.

This whole Star-Lord and Kitty long-distance romance was ill-conceived from the start.  But with Bendis being the prince of ill-conceived ideas, who could be surprised.  Star-Lord should be about Bendys’ age and Kitty is what – early 20’s?  Hmmmm – something you’re trying to work out, Bendys?  Mid-life crisis, maybe?

Bendys pulls out all the stops for this book with the bad situation comedy writing – even resorting to bathroom humor when Drax says he is late for a fight because he was busy taking a dump.  Is that even funny?  Maybe if you’re under the age of 9 – but funny to the actual demographic buying this book? I certainly hope not.  And I don’t recognize this Drax.  It’s certainly not Giffen’s Drax, or the classic Drax, or Infinity Watch’s brain-damaged Drax, or even Gunn’s dunder-head Drax.   This Drax is some weird combination that is an inconsistent amalgam of all of the above and also inferior to all the above – especially the classic Drax and Giffen Drax iterations.  One can only read this inferior characterization of Drax, shake one’s head, and mutter “Bendys.”

And why do the Avengers have ANYTHING to say about the activities of the Guardians?  Why do the Avengers have to have a representative with the Guardians at all times?  Why would the representative be Venom?  Isn’t making Venom the representative just asking for trouble?  And why would the Guardians accept that?  Why are the Guardians portrayed as so weak and barely able to deal with the most mundane of problems – when in the past they single-handedly dealt with universe-level threats?  Shake your head and mutter, “Bendis,” once again.

On the up side, the art and coloring are much improved from recent past issues.  Schiti is growing into his depiction of the space-based environment, and Keith’s colors are the perfect complement.  Once again, the art is the only saving grace of Bendys’ entire miserable mangling of this once great concept.

So – do yourself a favor and leave this one on the shelf.  Instead, buy the classic TPB’s of Star-Lord, the Annihilation Omnibus – or Marvel’s one true cosmic book, Guardians 3000.  You’ll be glad you took my advice.

*Bendis’ name will be randomly misspelled throughout the course of this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

It appears that Bendis has not read the history of the Nova concepts in general or The Thanos Imperative in particular.  Or he did – and he just doesn’t care enough about the Rider character or his fans to make the effort to get anything right.  Either way, he knows that zombies buy brands, and

It’s no secret that I think Bendis’ run on this title has been a disaster for the concepts and characters. He may be the “go to guy” for street level stories, but he’s “lost in space.”

Leave it to Bendis to stage a throw down in the collapsing Cancerverse between Thanos, Drax, (the real) Nova, Star-Lord, and the Revengers – have it illustrated by one of the best artists in the business complete with a strikingly compelling cover (that has nothing to do with the story, of course), and then have the story be so boring and so filled with continuity errors and mis-characterizations of the lead characters that the astute cosmic reader will be left feeling some strange combination of indignation, irritability, frustration, and disappointment.

Do you think Bendis actually read and understood The Thanos Imperative before he wrote this story arc?  I think he just read the “Cliff’s Notes” version of it.  Then he either misunderstood and/or promptly forgot even that and just wrote whatever the hell he wanted in order to sling out this story so he could devote more time to X-Men .  This story (and Bendis’ entire run on this title) reads like it’s written by a guy who doesn’t really understand cosmic, doesn’t really like cosmic, doesn’t care enough to even try to get it right, and is really just doing it to cash in on the expected sales from the movie hype.

How come E-Vell isn’t all powerful and leading The Revengers? Why is E-Vell now a lackey? How is E-Vell even alive again since death killed him, entered the Cancerverse, and is busy destroying the Cancerverse? How are The  Revengers alive again? With death functioning in the Cancerverse once again, how do any of these characters keep resurrecting? You can bet none of these inconvenient continuity questions will be answered as it would take too much time away from the inane banter among the characters that Bendis just loves to shoehorn into every issue.  Hey Bendis – are you a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe?  It’s sure coming across that way.

Who are Thanos and Drax? Especially Drax. I’ve never seen Drax talk and act like he does in this issue. Modern Drax is a Wolverine-ish, non-sentimental, bad-ass. He wouldn’t be holding Quill’s body in his arms and lamenting his loss. He wouldn’t be working with Thanos either. If he was anywhere close to Thanos, he’d be trying to kill him. I was almost embarrassed for Drax – the way Bendis has diminished him. And Thanos? I was actually embarrassed for him. Bendis has diminished him to the level of being the butt of the joke.

In contrast to last issue, Bendis writes Quill as the 20-something-year-old doofus he’s been writing since the lamentable day he took over this title. At least he shows how Quill became a decade younger.

Of course, as we all feared, Bendis saves the worst treatment for Nova. I mean the REAL Nova, Richard Rider, of course – not Loeb’s NINO. After all, Bendis has to pave the way for NINO with this story. Rich is portrayed out of character and much weaker than he should have been.  He is shown having his arm sliced off by Revenger Cap’s shield. Sorry. Not going to happen. The Nova Prime should shrug that hit off with barely a notice that he had even been hit. But that’s Bendis’ lazy storytelling and his determination to humiliate the character and flip the real Nova’s fan base the bird once again. I’m sure Bendis will conveniently ignore Nova’s regenerative ability. He’s kind of telegraphed that he will in Quill’s dialogue.

Not to mention that Revenger Cap is shown holding his original pointed shield – and Nova’s arm is shown being sliced off by a round shield. Now there’s some editing worthy of Stephen Wacker. Did Wacker come back to edit this issue? That has to be the explanation.

You know – it shows that even in an alternate universe, Bendis has to make the “Avenger-ish” characters all powerful. He can’t keep himself from doing it. He’s made the Guardians the Avengers lackeys since the deplorable day he took over this title.  Makes you think he’d rather be writing The Avengers, doesn’t it? I sure wish he’d go back to The Avengers and leave cosmic alone.

Gamora and Quill continue to be written out of character in their scenes where they argue about what happened in the Cancerverse. I’m not sure why Gamora keeps accusing Quill of lying or why Quill has kept any of this a secret. I suppose Bendis is saving the horror of those reveals for the next issue. I dread reading how Bendis will disrespect the REAL Nova and his fans one last time.

This issue is just one long, disappointing game of “keep away” using the Cosmic Cube as the prize. Truth is, this whole story of playing “keep away” with The Cosmic Cube is just dumb. Nova has The Worldmind inside of him. I’m sure The Worldmind would know exactly how to use the Cube to get back to the 616 Universe. Thanos was never needed for that task and it could’ve been accomplished immediately – stranding Thanos and not requiring Quill and Rich to sacrifice themselves. Bendis completely ignores the Worldmind’s presence, of course, as that would create a problem for his weak and poorly crafted storyline. But I’m sure all the Marvel Zombies and Bendis apologists will ignore the weaknesses and continuity errors and instead will take to Facebook and insist that this story was outstanding – just as they do for all Bendis products.

In summary, don’t let the striking, compelling cover of this issue fool you. It’s the perfect Wal-Mart-ish product – looks good on the outside, but don’t look closely on the inside or you’ll find that it’s shoddy, cheap, and most likely toxic.