Author name: timelord

CBN’s “Timelord” is our expert on all things science-fiction and cosmic. Timelords reviews Nova and Guardians of the Galaxy. His reviews have been quoted by Marvel Comics for cover blurbs, in press releases and solicits. Timelord’s reviews have also been directly sent to Marvel Comics Editorial, and Timelord has provided Marvel Comics Editorial notes for their various cosmic comics including Nova.

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Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #3

Between 2006 and 2010, Dan Abnett was one of the architects of the Renaissance in Marvel Cosmic, refurbishing (the real) Nova from a teen Spider-clone to a mature, bad-ass, powerful, leader of men and creating a Guardians of the Galaxy team concept that inspired the top-grossing movie of 2014.

In reward for his efforts, Marvel Editor-in-Chief, Axel Alonso, removed Abnett from the books he created, giving his GotG concept to Bendis to mangle into what many now call Garbage of the Galaxy or Guardians of the Galaxy in Name Only and handing the Nova concepts over to Loeb and Duggan who have distorted the Nova concepts with the dreadful series that many refer to as Nova in Name Only or NINO, for short.

Another brilliant call, Alonso.  I never thought I’d be wistfully thinking of Quesada’s tenure as “The Good Old Days.”

I approached G3000 with a healthy dose of skepticism, but I have to say that Abnett has won me over.  He clearly loves the characters, and he is intimately acquainted with and respectful of the rich lore underpinning the characters and concepts.  While Bendis, Loeb/Duggan, Humphries, and Young are busy driving Marvel Cosmic into the ground with their campy and juvenile takes on the concepts, Abnett is busy giving cosmic back its wings.   While GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO falter and get worse with every issue, G3000 soars and gets better with every issue.   The reason why is obvious.  Abnett understands and respects the source material – and he is an accomplished science-fiction writer.  In contrast, Bendis, Loeb/Duggan, Humphries, and Young have never understood or respected the source material, had no previous interest in cosmic science-fiction, and still would have no interest in cosmic if not for the GotG movie turning a huge profit and cosmic becoming all the profit-generating rage.

In this issue, Abnett introduces us to The Nova Prime of the year 3014, Rael Rider, as she interacts with The Xandarian Worldmind.   It was great to see a real Nova sporting the surname of Rider, and it was great to see a real Nova helmet for a change with no Manga-style-uniformed NINO usurper in sight.  It was also great for the Worldmind to be given page time again after a too long “hiatus” – a hiatus due to yet more spectacular mis-management by Brevoort and Alonso. 

Abnett advances the story by further exploring how the Badoon have corrupted Stark tech and turned it into a force for evil.  Abnett develops each character – giving each a distinctive voice and personality.  He judiciously uses humor and weaves a tight tale of high-stakes peril and adventure for our protagonists.  Contrast this with the bad sit-com humor and storylines, the total interchangeability of characters, and the outright ennui any adult reader feels after every issue of GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO.

Sandoval is growing into the art for the G3000 concept.  His renderings are somewhat less jarring and better proportioned for this outing with less emphasis on every character exposing their teeth in exaggerated facial expressions.  Dentists must be in short supply in the 31st Century – as what dentition is portrayed is enough to give an Oral Surgeon bad dreams for life.  Delgado’s colors help soften the exaggerated artistic style of Sandoval for a more satisfying artistic experience than the past two issues.  I’m still hoping for a change to a more photo-realistic artist in the near future.  It would sure be nice to have Brad Walker on this book.

The numbers are in, and issue #1 of G3000 sold pretty much as many issues as Bendys’ loathsome GotGINO.  This reportedly surprised Brevoort and Alonso as they wrongly think the key to cosmic is intelligence-insulting, campy, child-oriented storylines as demonstrated by their doubling-down on the failed GotGINO and NINO concepts that are still in publication thanks to easily satisfied zombies still buying them.  It goes to show you that there’s a market for quality cosmic storytelling, and if it is given the opportunity to be produced – it will sell.   That fact seems to consistently bounce off Alonso’s shiny dome – and that’s an indication of bad leadership.

So leave GotGINO, NINO, SLINO, and RRINO on the shelf – and instead buy G3000 to send Marvel a clear message that there is a market for high-quality cosmic storytelling rather than the sub-par, low-quality foolishness pervading the rest of their so-called “cosmic” books.  

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians 3000 #2

I admit that I had my doubts about this book after reading the preview of it in the GotGINO anniversary issue.  I also had my doubts that the classic team could provide grist for interesting stories.  I’m overjoyed to say that my doubts have been allayed with the publication of this issue.

Welcome to Marvel’s one and only truly cosmic comic book.  It goes to show you what a writer with true science-fiction street cred can produce.

It’s simply gravy to know that Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”) are surprised, puzzled, and/or annoyed by the success of this book.  They seem invested in thinking that the key to cosmic success is silly, campy, jokey, juvenile tripe (like Duggan’s NINO and Bendys’* GotGINO) rather than the serious, para-military science-fiction of Volume IV of Nova, Volume II of GotG, and now, Guardians 3000.  It makes me happy to see Bonso proved wrong – and I’m happy frequently as they are wrong so very often.

Abnett weaves a fascinating “timey-wimey” tale – breathing new life into the time-causality-loop story trope with introduction of new character, Geena, who can “sense time structure.”  Abnett does what a good SF writer does best – extrapolates from the present to build a plausible future.  In this case, he takes the present Marvel Universe and builds a future where Stark tech is apparently co-opted by the Badoon invaders and used for terribly wrong purposes. 

Abnett also shines by giving each of the Guardians a distinct voice and characterization.  Each Guardian has an important role to play, they work together as a fighting team, they face important problems, and they effectively solve said problems.  They’re slang is made part of their natural communication and the situations they find themselves in aren’t played for cheap laughs.  There’s plenty of action and adventure with high stakes consequences at the end of the day.  And, best of all, they’re not obsessed with or beholden to The Avengers or any future iteration or remnant of The Avengers.

Contrast that with Bendys’* current absolutely dreadful Guardians of the Galaxy (in Name Only) Volume III – and you’ll see how Bendis comes up lacking.  Like I said – it’s the difference between Abnett – a skilled writer with SF street cred – and Bendys, a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe.

The only downside to G3000 is the art.  Sadly, while Sandoval is a good artist and his style would be appropriate for another type of book, it is not right for G3000.  A more photo-realistic approach works better for SF comics – and unfortunately Sandoval’s depictions are often too abstract.  His focus on using teeth and grimacing to convey emotion and action is jarring at times – not to mention a way over-used technique.  The exaggerated body proportions are also both jarring and disappointingly unattractive.  Delgado does his best to soften Sandoval’s extremes with color and shading, but at the end of the day many are going to be turned off by the art and sadly, this may affect sales negatively.

It literally doesn’t get any better for Marvel Cosmic than this – because this is Marvel’s one and only true cosmic book at present.  I hope every cosmic fan will leave NINO, GotGINO, LSINO, and RRINO on the shelf and instead buy multiple copies of G3000 with the money they save as G3000 deserves our whole-hearted support and encouragement.  And as an added bonus, we get to frustrate Bonso by making G3000 a success and their favored tripe the failure it deserves to be.

Next issue sees the premiere of the Worldmind-connected Nova Prime of the G3000 era, an apparent descendant of one of the Rider men and Irani Rael.  If for no other reason, I call on all true Nova fans to support this book to spite Bonso.

 

*Bendis’ name will be deliberately randomly misspelled throughout this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #21 (BendYs)

Since when is Star-Lord so clumsy and un-skilled with the ladies?  Oh yeah – since Bendys* has been providing what passes for the writing of this book.  It’s embarrassingly bad, really.  Star-Lord was NEVER like this until Bendis got his greedy little paws on the character.  Even Gunn didn’t mangle the characterization as badly for the movie.  Humphries makes it even worse in his LSL book.  I know the zombies who are keeping the sales of this book at acceptable levels have a high tolerance for cringe-worthy writing, but really.

This whole Star-Lord and Kitty long-distance romance was ill-conceived from the start.  But with Bendis being the prince of ill-conceived ideas, who could be surprised.  Star-Lord should be about Bendys’ age and Kitty is what – early 20’s?  Hmmmm – something you’re trying to work out, Bendys?  Mid-life crisis, maybe?

Bendys pulls out all the stops for this book with the bad situation comedy writing – even resorting to bathroom humor when Drax says he is late for a fight because he was busy taking a dump.  Is that even funny?  Maybe if you’re under the age of 9 – but funny to the actual demographic buying this book? I certainly hope not.  And I don’t recognize this Drax.  It’s certainly not Giffen’s Drax, or the classic Drax, or Infinity Watch’s brain-damaged Drax, or even Gunn’s dunder-head Drax.   This Drax is some weird combination that is an inconsistent amalgam of all of the above and also inferior to all the above – especially the classic Drax and Giffen Drax iterations.  One can only read this inferior characterization of Drax, shake one’s head, and mutter “Bendys.”

And why do the Avengers have ANYTHING to say about the activities of the Guardians?  Why do the Avengers have to have a representative with the Guardians at all times?  Why would the representative be Venom?  Isn’t making Venom the representative just asking for trouble?  And why would the Guardians accept that?  Why are the Guardians portrayed as so weak and barely able to deal with the most mundane of problems – when in the past they single-handedly dealt with universe-level threats?  Shake your head and mutter, “Bendis,” once again.

On the up side, the art and coloring are much improved from recent past issues.  Schiti is growing into his depiction of the space-based environment, and Keith’s colors are the perfect complement.  Once again, the art is the only saving grace of Bendys’ entire miserable mangling of this once great concept.

So – do yourself a favor and leave this one on the shelf.  Instead, buy the classic TPB’s of Star-Lord, the Annihilation Omnibus – or Marvel’s one true cosmic book, Guardians 3000.  You’ll be glad you took my advice.

*Bendis’ name will be randomly misspelled throughout the course of this article in blatant mockery of his random misspelling of “Rider” in GotGINO #20.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #23 & 24

In this cliché-filled arc, Duggan has NINO take on Hulk’s Hulk – also known as “Kluh,” and NINO un-believably manages to defeat him with the overdone “shoot the Hulk into space trick.”  How many times have you seen that one?  Too many.  At least Duggan freely admits that he “shamelessly” copies the story ideas of others.  And what does that matter?  The zombies will still buy this book and will take to Facebook and CBR Forums to defend it no matter the poor quality, implausibility, and lack of originality.

At least the annoying little jerk gets the beat-down he deserves and his “magic helmet” gets damaged in the process.  I was rooting for Kluh to put him out of our misery – but, alas and unsurprisingly, Marvel keeps him alive to shoehorn into the next event in their ongoing desperate attempt to force feed NINO to the comic-reading audience at large.  This – despite the fact that all but the zombies have soundly rejected NINO, and the book is well out of the top 100 in sales.

Once again, NINO’s mom won’t be winning any “Mother of the Year” awards as she continues to endanger his life by actually encouraging him to go fight Kluh.  Apparently Duggan doesn’t have a problem with the morality of ongoing child endangerment – or like Brevoort – doesn’t have the courage to actually address the issue even when directly asked.

Then again – Spiderman and (the real) Captain America should know better, too.  They are also complicit in endangering the life of a minor child.  But why should anything in this ongoing travesty of a book make any sense?

The coloring for this arc is overall well done – but the art has been sub-par.  I’ve always hated the manga-inspired uniform, but Baldeon over-emphasizes all the worst qualities of it – making NINO look even more ridiculous than usual in it – more than ever looking like a kid wearing his father’s old military uniform.  The ranking star on the helmet looks like a large glob just plopped onto the front.  Awful.  But the zombies will take to Facebook and CBR Forums to insist that the art is wonderful, too.

But mostly, this book is just an ongoing insult to and diminution of the Nova legacy and concepts.  Perhaps the best way to demonstrate that is in pictorial form:

We’ve gone from this:

[[wysiwyg_imageupload:18045:]]

To this:

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To now this:

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Sad.  Pathetic.  Way to go, Marvel.  Keep dishing up this warmed-over gruel and tripe for the zombies – and don’t dare question your bad decision to let Loeb hi-jack the concepts and water them down to the level of My Little Pony.

Thanks, A-Holes.

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Now – cue the zombies to take to Facebook and CBR Forums to defend this garbage and hurl insults at me and anyone who agrees with me.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #20 (Bendis)

It appears that Bendis has not read the history of the Nova concepts in general or The Thanos Imperative in particular.  Or he did – and he just doesn’t care enough about the Rider character or his fans to make the effort to get anything right.  Either way, he knows that zombies buy brands, and

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #22

This one belongs on the shelf right next to My Little Pony so all the 8-year-old girls can get a copy.  Really – IT IS THAT BAD.  How any self-respecting, mentally-competent adult male can continue to buy this trash and visit comic book forums to insist that it is a good concept is beyond all reasonable understanding.  Of course, the zombies who insist on defending this trash mostly congregate at shill sites like CBR and freely admit that they’ve actively avoided reading good cosmic, so that speaks for itself.

The art has long been the ONLY saving grace of this book.  No so this time.  It is “god-awful” to say the least.  Painfully bad on the eye.  Amateurish.  Curiel does the best he can coloring, but he doesn’t have much to work with, and it shows.

Duggan reaches a new low with this issue that features NINO going trick or treating with the X-Kids, and all of them using their super-powers to bully some non-super-powered teens who are stealing candy from youngsters.  Really, Duggan?  That’s your story?  Pathetic.  I’ve seen Scooby-Doo episodes which were better written.  Do everyone a favor and stick to writing Deadpool.  You’re not a cosmic writer.  Or better yet, stay with NINO – because stories like this are bound to send sales through the floor and end with NINO’s well-deserved cancellation.

Just as I predicted, in a The Guns of Will Sonnet rip-off, Duggan writes Jesse “just missing” connecting with his family via telepathic link.  I bet there’s a lot more of those near misses where this one came from.  That type of plot element gets old fast.  Hey Duggan, even in The Guns of Will Sonnet the grand-father and grand-son searching for James found him before the end of the first season.

Of course, at the end of this issue, Cap telephones NINO’s mom and asks her to send NINO out to help the Avengers.  And she does with her blessing.  Really?  So Cap is an irresponsible idiot just like NINO’s mom, huh?  Inviting an un-trained, irresponsible minor with powers of mass destruction out on a mission?  Preposterous.  Stupid.  Intelligence-insultingly implausible.  Not to mention, immoral to send a minor child into combat.  Cap must be demented – because he should know better than to so endanger not only a child, but also the mission and the public he is sworn to protect.

And those still buying and supporting this puerile trash in any way should know better, too.  Especially if you’re a fan of the true Nova, Rich Rider.   Join the rest of us in boycotting NINO.  Let’s send Marvel a clear message that enough is enough and send into cancellation this ongoing insult to cosmic in general and the Nova concepts and legacy in particular.

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Comic Book News

Review: Guardians 3000 #1

Now THAT’s more like it!

Despite the “subtle bigotry of low expectations” perpetrated against this title by Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”), it succeeds on nearly every level.  And before I move on, I’d like to address Bonso’s ongoing bigotry against cosmic books, characters, and writers.

Before this book was ever released, Brevoort made several comments suggesting that he expected it to be a low seller and a quick cancellation.  Alonso apparently felt the same – recently divulging how surprised he was that sales exceeded “expectations.”  Bonso are responsible for the degradation of Marvel Cosmic into the “Marvel Universe” where, just like all Earth-based characters, all the cosmic characters are (stupidly) somehow subordinate to and less powerful than The Avengers.  Bonso are responsible for the horrific messes that are Loeb’s NINO (Nova In Name Only) and Bendis’ GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only) – replacing better writers/concepts/characters/characterizations with inferior writers/concepts/characters/characterizations in a vain attempt to appeal to Spider-zombies and Avenger-zombies.  Bonso were surprised when the MCU chose to make a Guardians of the Galaxy movie before a movie about many of their favored street-level characters – and even more surprised when it outsold the Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor movies.  Basically, Bonso clearly doesn’t understand or respect cosmic – and they can’t seem to get cosmic right.  They try to reduce cosmic to street-level, and that just doesn’t work.  So Bonso – since you consistently lead in the wrong direction about cosmic and refuse to follow anyone who knows better than you about cosmic, why don’t you just get out of the way?  Give cosmic its own line and appoint someone who likes and understands the characters to lead it.  Then, recuse yourselves from any further involvement with cosmic – and take Loeb, Bendis, Duggan, NINO, and GotGINO with you.

G3000 proves what an accomplished science-fiction author can do with good source material.   Each character has its own voice, and the interactions between characters are fluid and natural – just as we would expect for a team that’s been together for a long time.  Abnett incorporates the slang of 31st Century into the character interactions in such a manner that – while unfamiliar – it is nevertheless easily understood by any reader.  Just as respectable science-fiction should, Abnett takes current grounded science facts and theories and extrapolates plausible future technology based upon these facts/theories.  He wraps all of this into a tight, action-packed story that leaves the reader wanting more and excited about picking up the next issue in the series.

In contrast, Bendis’ GotGINO just takes hackneyed street-level Avengers-type stories/concepts and sets them in space, and Duggan’s NINO just rips off hackneyed Spide-Man concepts and sets them in space.  Bendis’/Duggan’s characters are interchangeable, their interactions stilted, and their storylines implausible.  Neither Bendis nor Duggan take any time to actually produce respectable science-fiction – preferring instead to load heavily on absurdity and then just throw things at the wall to see what sticks.  That’s why Abnett soars and Bendis/Duggan sink.

The coloring of G3000 #1 is acceptable, but the art leaves something to be desired.  Sandoval’s style is too cartoonish for this book.  Devito, Walker, or McGuinness would have been better choices for this book as more realistic renderings tend to serve cosmic books better.

Abnett delivers a powerhouse first issue that breathes new life into the original GotG team.  I would go so far as to say that this is the only truly cosmic book that Marvel is producing at this time.  All the rest being touted as cosmic are really just “pseudo-cosmic” at best.  So pick up your copy of G3000 today for Marvel Cosmic written as it should be.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #19 (Bendis)

It’s no secret that I think Bendis’ run on this title has been a disaster for the concepts and characters. He may be the “go to guy” for street level stories, but he’s “lost in space.”

Leave it to Bendis to stage a throw down in the collapsing Cancerverse between Thanos, Drax, (the real) Nova, Star-Lord, and the Revengers – have it illustrated by one of the best artists in the business complete with a strikingly compelling cover (that has nothing to do with the story, of course), and then have the story be so boring and so filled with continuity errors and mis-characterizations of the lead characters that the astute cosmic reader will be left feeling some strange combination of indignation, irritability, frustration, and disappointment.

Do you think Bendis actually read and understood The Thanos Imperative before he wrote this story arc?  I think he just read the “Cliff’s Notes” version of it.  Then he either misunderstood and/or promptly forgot even that and just wrote whatever the hell he wanted in order to sling out this story so he could devote more time to X-Men .  This story (and Bendis’ entire run on this title) reads like it’s written by a guy who doesn’t really understand cosmic, doesn’t really like cosmic, doesn’t care enough to even try to get it right, and is really just doing it to cash in on the expected sales from the movie hype.

How come E-Vell isn’t all powerful and leading The Revengers? Why is E-Vell now a lackey? How is E-Vell even alive again since death killed him, entered the Cancerverse, and is busy destroying the Cancerverse? How are The  Revengers alive again? With death functioning in the Cancerverse once again, how do any of these characters keep resurrecting? You can bet none of these inconvenient continuity questions will be answered as it would take too much time away from the inane banter among the characters that Bendis just loves to shoehorn into every issue.  Hey Bendis – are you a frustrated sit-com writer wannabe?  It’s sure coming across that way.

Who are Thanos and Drax? Especially Drax. I’ve never seen Drax talk and act like he does in this issue. Modern Drax is a Wolverine-ish, non-sentimental, bad-ass. He wouldn’t be holding Quill’s body in his arms and lamenting his loss. He wouldn’t be working with Thanos either. If he was anywhere close to Thanos, he’d be trying to kill him. I was almost embarrassed for Drax – the way Bendis has diminished him. And Thanos? I was actually embarrassed for him. Bendis has diminished him to the level of being the butt of the joke.

In contrast to last issue, Bendis writes Quill as the 20-something-year-old doofus he’s been writing since the lamentable day he took over this title. At least he shows how Quill became a decade younger.

Of course, as we all feared, Bendis saves the worst treatment for Nova. I mean the REAL Nova, Richard Rider, of course – not Loeb’s NINO. After all, Bendis has to pave the way for NINO with this story. Rich is portrayed out of character and much weaker than he should have been.  He is shown having his arm sliced off by Revenger Cap’s shield. Sorry. Not going to happen. The Nova Prime should shrug that hit off with barely a notice that he had even been hit. But that’s Bendis’ lazy storytelling and his determination to humiliate the character and flip the real Nova’s fan base the bird once again. I’m sure Bendis will conveniently ignore Nova’s regenerative ability. He’s kind of telegraphed that he will in Quill’s dialogue.

Not to mention that Revenger Cap is shown holding his original pointed shield – and Nova’s arm is shown being sliced off by a round shield. Now there’s some editing worthy of Stephen Wacker. Did Wacker come back to edit this issue? That has to be the explanation.

You know – it shows that even in an alternate universe, Bendis has to make the “Avenger-ish” characters all powerful. He can’t keep himself from doing it. He’s made the Guardians the Avengers lackeys since the deplorable day he took over this title.  Makes you think he’d rather be writing The Avengers, doesn’t it? I sure wish he’d go back to The Avengers and leave cosmic alone.

Gamora and Quill continue to be written out of character in their scenes where they argue about what happened in the Cancerverse. I’m not sure why Gamora keeps accusing Quill of lying or why Quill has kept any of this a secret. I suppose Bendis is saving the horror of those reveals for the next issue. I dread reading how Bendis will disrespect the REAL Nova and his fans one last time.

This issue is just one long, disappointing game of “keep away” using the Cosmic Cube as the prize. Truth is, this whole story of playing “keep away” with The Cosmic Cube is just dumb. Nova has The Worldmind inside of him. I’m sure The Worldmind would know exactly how to use the Cube to get back to the 616 Universe. Thanos was never needed for that task and it could’ve been accomplished immediately – stranding Thanos and not requiring Quill and Rich to sacrifice themselves. Bendis completely ignores the Worldmind’s presence, of course, as that would create a problem for his weak and poorly crafted storyline. But I’m sure all the Marvel Zombies and Bendis apologists will ignore the weaknesses and continuity errors and instead will take to Facebook and insist that this story was outstanding – just as they do for all Bendis products.

In summary, don’t let the striking, compelling cover of this issue fool you. It’s the perfect Wal-Mart-ish product – looks good on the outside, but don’t look closely on the inside or you’ll find that it’s shoddy, cheap, and most likely toxic.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #21

There is very little right with this book, but one of the major things wrong with it is that it tries way too hard to be Spiderman – and always falls short.  When NINO goes to the Principal’s office, you halfway expect J. Jonah Jameson to be behind the desk yelling, “Parrrrrkerrrrr!”  That sort of thing was priceless back in Spidey’s original heyday.  Now, it’s just hackneyed.

Giffen and later, DnA, rightly realized that the Spiderman riff never really worked for Rider Nova and instead created a complex, powerful, and interesting character in their reboot.  Leave it to the creative bankruptcy of Loeb, Duggan, Brevoort, Alonso, and Bendis to run as fast as they can in the opposite direction of Giffen’s innovation and for their reboot shovel out the trite, puerile, nonsense that is NINO.

The hilarious thing is that despite Brevoort and Alonso shoe-horning NINO into everything they possibly can and trying to make NINO a headliner – NINO still scrapes the bottom of the sales list – coming in at the low end of the top 100 or outside of the top 100 altogether most months.  Buyers are staying away in droves despite having NINO constantly shoved in their faces. That bespeaks a weak character and a weak concept – and issue #21 is just icing on the weak cake.

Loeb, by his own admission, created a weak character and concept.  Loeb said he wanted NINO to be an “idiot.”  He certainly succeeded.  In this issue, NINO finally gets around to going after his dad.  His unfit parent of a mother allows him to skip school to do it.  Hey, Duggan – fine message to the kiddies about the importance of education.  

Duggan slathers on more weak sauce when he expects us to believe an advanced civilization with advanced technology would be fooled by a Trojan Horse trick, and NINO could just fly into a high security area, beat up all the more powerful adults, and then fly away unscathed.  As usual, I was rooting for the logical outcome of such a scenario – with the adults winning and killing the little idiot.  Alas – I was disappointed yet again with NINO improbably just flying away, and Duggan setting up a storyline reminiscent of The Guns of Will Sonnett where Jesse will be off aimlessly wandering through the cosmos with NINO always just missing crossing paths with him.  

Weak.  Insipidly sentimental.  Hackneyed.  It’s Duggan’s, Brevoort’s, Alonso’s, Loeb’s way of keeping NINO the teen-idiot-Spider-man-ish-Lone-Ranger without any competition from the much more interesting adult, Jesse, and the vastly superior concept, Giffen’s rebooted Rider Nova.  That is to say, if Jesse was brought back to active duty it would be the same as if Rich Rider was brought back – fan interest would shift to the more interesting adult character, and Loeb’s NINO would deservedly be reduced to the silly teen side-kick that he is and mercifully fade away.  That’s why Duggan et al will never let the adults play a more active role in this book other than to be more stupid than NINO.

In terms of art/coloring  I suppose the best was done with the material given to work with – but NINO continues to look ridiculous wearing a military uniform. He looks like a kid playing dress up with his dad’s uniform. And let’s face it, he is.  At one point he refers to himself as “The Last Nova.”  Nah.  Never.  Jesse was derelict. The last true Nova was Rich Rider.  Idiot Sam was never inducted into the Corps, is not empowered by a higher authority to enforce pan-galactic law, and has never been trained to be a Nova. How could Sam the idiot be anything but a “Nova in Name Only?”  

So leave this sad degradation of the once great Marvel Cosmic concepts on the shelf of your local comic shop and join the fans of the true Nova, Rich Rider, in their boycott.  A few thousand less buyers and NINO will be in the dustbin where he belongs.

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Comic Book News

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #18 (Bendis)

Bendis has earned praise writing street-level crime fantasy books – such as Daredevil.  He’s unquestionably talented at producing such fare.   Sadly, he has no “street cred” as a science-fiction writer.  And it shows.  It’s what people mean when they say they don’t like the “voice” of this series – especially in comparison to Volume II (you know, the Non-Bendis-Written material upon which the summer’s biggest movie was based).
 
Volume II soared into the awe and wonder of the cosmos with the Guardians directly – often single-handedly – involved in competently handling universe changing events.  With Volume III, Bendis has reduced the Guardians to a marginally competent, third-rate Avengers-lite team; only slightly less obsessively Earthcentric than the actual Avengers and definitely not ready for prime time.  He stuffs as many Avengers as possible into the team and has Star-Lord taking marching orders from the Avengers or worrying about what the Avengers will think about his actions.  I’m sure at some point he’ll have the Guardians take on Kingpin in Hell’s Kitchen – and probably lose the fight.  His conception of the Guardians has them taking on small problems mostly concerning Earth – and barely being able to handle these small problems.  Of course, lots don’t like this “voice.”  Face it, if not for the movie hype, this book would’ve been cancelled six ssues ago due to lack of interest/sales as nothing much of consequence has happened up to now.  Even Brevoort has admitted that sales of this book are primarily due to movie hype.
 
This issue has been eagerly anticipated by several different factions.  Rich Rider fans have hoped it will bring his return to full duty status in the Marvel Universe as the powerful, bad-ass hero he was in Volume IV of the Nova series.  NINO fans hope it will be Rich’s death story so as to cement NINO in place once and for all.   Neither faction will be satisfied by this issue.  It’s just a long lead-in to a larger story arc that only begins to answer the question posed by Gamora at the beginning of the issue:  “Where is Nova?  What happened to Richard Ryder?”  At least Gamora knows who the REAL Nova is.  And apparently Bendis has spelling problems.  Hey Bendis – it’s spelled R-i-d-e-r.
 
Unless Bendis uncharacteristically resists the obvious clichés being telegraphed in this issue, this story arc will likely be a gift to the NINO fans who want Rich gone once and for all.  Star-Lord appears to be under the influence of a Cosmic Cube trying to protect itself – and (the actual) Nova appears to be getting ready to take the Cube away from him before Thanos can gain possession of it.  You can guess what happens next.  Particularly with the Revengers set to guest-star next issue.
 
I will say that this issue is the best issue of the worst GotG series to date.  It has more competently performed action than all previous issues combined.  And Rich’s brief action sequences and panel time are better than all 20 issues of NINO combined.  I also enjoyed seeing Star-Lord back in uniform and actually acting like his Volume II self rather than the 20-something-year-old doofus that he has been morphed into by Bendis. I enjoyed seeing Drax in his intelligent, muscular, tattoo-less, purple-skull-cap-wearing incarnation obsessed with killing Thanos.   Thanos himself came across as less menacing/powerful than he should have been.  Thanos’ portrayal is the big disappointment in this issue.  Thanos plans for all possible contingencies.  He should’ve already found several ways to exit the Cancerverse independent of the Cube and harassment from Star-Lord, (the real) Nova, and Drax.  He’s pretty much an ineffectual talker at this point.
 
The art and coloring are outstanding.  As always, McGuinness and Ponsor do not disappoint.  As is typical, the art is the best feature of Volume III.
 
So, it’s a mixed bag with Bendis apparently setting up to flip the bird to the Rider fans once again.  Hold on – because it’s going to be a rocky ride for the next couple of months as both fan factions invested in the outcome of this storyline engage in some bruising fights in comic book forums.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Comic Book News Marvel

Advanced Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #18

This independent reporter was invited to interview writer, Brian M. Bendis, in regard to Issue #18 of GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only). Mr. Bendis insisted that the interview take place at the headquarters of Comic Book Resources. This reporter arrived at CBR at the designated time and was promptly escorted to a room containing a full size replica of the Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne placed high upon a dais with no visible staircase. A bell rang, and CBR’s staff of comic book reviewers and forum moderators rushed into the room to form a human staircase leading up to the throne. Bendis’ Chancellor, the one-eyed hunchback known as Jonah, slowly ascended the human staircase to stand behind and to the right of the throne beside a small table containing a vial. A trumpet sounded, and Bendis rushed in from a side door, rapidly ascended the human staircase, and plopped down upon the throne. He looked at Jonah and nodded affirmatively. Jonah picked up the vial – now clearly seen to be labelled ‘Rogain’ – squirted some of its content into his hands, and began giving Bendis a slow scalp massage. The human staircase of CBR comic book reviewers and CBR forum moderators then dispersed – bowing to Bendis, surrounding the Iron Throne, and hissing at this reporter.

 

Jonah: [frowning at TL] It is customary to bow in the presence of the Master.

TL: He’s not my master, and my people don’t bow.

Jonah: [strong look of disapproval on his face, yells] You are not among your people now!

TL: Just the same, we don’t bow.

Jonah: [falls to his knees before Bendis] Master! Please allow me to ban this filthy infidel as we do all filthy infidels who refuse to conform to our worship of you and your company! Or, if it please you, allow me to subject him to all the insults regularly directed toward him by all your sycophants who frequent our forums! I beseech thee!

BMB: [waves his had dismissively] Nay. A King must be merciful and forgiving. I grant him Pardon for these and all other offenses against the Crown and the Realm. But pray, Jonah, while kneeling shine my shoes. As always, their luster must exceed that of my head’s luster to draw attention from it. Now send in my fool so that we may begin with some entertainment.

Jonah: [Nods to a guard at the side door. Begins shining shoes. The side door opens and Tom Brevoort runs out holding three juggling pins. He fumbles the pins, trips over his duster and falls to the floor knocking himself out. His funny brown hat falls off and a half-eaten Egg McMuffin rolls from underneath it. The whole room laughs as he is carried back through the door].

TL: [laughing] Thanks, Bendis. That was funny.

BMB: Come back on Wednesday to see my Chief Fool, Wacker, perform.

TL: I may take you up on that. I’d like to begin by asking you a few questions about GotGINO #18. I notice that you don’t make spelling mistakes with headliner characters – so we don’t see mis-spells like ‘Toney Starke’ or ‘Thore’ or ‘Steve Rodgers’ in your books. Yet, you’ve consistently mis-spelled Rich Rider’s name as ‘Ryder.’ Do you have some sort of intermittent dyslexia or do you just not care enough to get it right?

Jonah: [stops shining shoes, jumps to his feet, a look of outrage on his face; the hissing of the CBR forum moderators and comic book reviewers increases in volume to near deafening levels; Jonah points accusatorily at TL and thunderously yells] Hold, peasant! You will NOT question the Master’s infallibility! Guards! Seize the heretic!

BMB: [raises his hand to the approaching guards] Hold! [to the CBR moderators/reviewers] Silence! [to Jonah] Resume polishing. The un-believer has been given an audience, and the ways of his people are different than ours. We shall tolerate his heresy by and by.

Jonah: [shoots TL a look of pure hatred; bows to BMB] Yes, Master. Do you mean for me to polish your shoes or your head?

BMB: My head.

Jonah: [retrieves a chamois cloth from his pocket, sprinkles Rogaine onto it, begins buffing BMB’s head]

TL: In a recent interview, you blame DnA for killing Rich Rider in an apparent attempt to deflect blame for whatever you’re going to do in GotGINO #18. Yet, DnA have been quoted in an interview in which I served as a questioner that they in fact did not kill Rich – just marooned him in the Cancerverse until their book was returned from what was then termed a ‘hiatus.’ Only later did we learn that in Marvel-speak the word ‘hiatus’ meant ‘cancelled’ despite Quesada, and more recently, Marvel Editor Bill Rosemann, saying that Rich’s book had solid sales numbers — as did Volume II of GotG. Care to come clean and admit that Rich’s ‘death’ is just an editorial ret-con to make room for Loeb’s awful NINO, and the garbage that Wacker spouts about sales being responsible for Volume II GotG being cancelled is also a lie? You guys just wanted to cash in on the expected surge in sales for cosmic coming from the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, right?

Jonah: [the hissing of the CBR moderators/reviewers again increases in volume; Jonah whines] Master, how much must we abide? Let me at least ban the infidel heretic.

BMB: Nay. I wilst clearest this matter upest. I say again unto you, heretic, that all is the fault of DnA.

TL: I guess next you’ll be blaming Moon Knight on them.

BMB: [eyes narrow] Just so. DnA told me to write Moon Knight that way. Yeah. That’s right. They made me write Moon Knight that way. Abnett tied me to a chair and Lanning pistol whipped me until I agreed to sign my name to their treatment of Moon Knight. Yeah. That’s the ticket. So, once again, it was DnA’s fault.

TL: And Secret Invasion?

BMB: The fault of DnA.

TL: Of course.

BMB: I do tire of this line of questioning. I much prefer the soft-ball questions and flattery of IGN or CBR. Jonah, show the heretic out.

Jonah: [CBR Moderators/Reviewers form another human staircase; Jonah decends; points to the door] This way, filthy infidel.

TL: [turns to leave; then darkness]

TL: I awoke tied to a chair in a sub-basement of CBR HQ. Other political prisoners were tied up next to me. We were subjected to terrible torture – including power-point presentations of every issue of NINO and GotGINO with commentary from Loeb and Bendis; daily recitations from Brevoort’s Tumblr page; and screenings of every episode of Loeb’s and Wacker’s Ultimate Spiderman, Hulk and the Agents of SMASH, and Avengers cartoons. Just as we were about to give up hope, we were rescued by a Commando Team led by Stingerman, dmills, Kalen Rann, MysterioHelmet, MBond, Sephiroth89, Twinkfist, and NovaSpaceKnightBetaReyX51. To this brave Commando Team, we former political prisoners are forever grateful. Unfortunately, TL’s recordings of this interview were not recovered during the initial rescue. They were recovered at a later time by Bothan Spies. Many Bothan Spies gave their lives to bring you this interview. I hope you enjoyed it. –TL

*Special thanks to MBond for the inspiration for the spelling joke.

Note:  This is an article in a series of satirical/parody Opinion-Editorial type articles and reviews of GotGINO and NINO.  If you’re a GotGINO, NINO, or Bendis fan; you’re probably not going to like it.  So, spare yourself the upset, stop reading right now, and go on over to CBR to read any article heaping un-deserved praise upon NINO, GotGINO, Bendis, etc.  You have been warned.  Proceed at your own risk of outrage – and don’t whine about it on the forums or on Facebook if this article presents views radically different than yours. You have been warned.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova #20

Marvel Vice-President, Tom Brevoort, agreed to grant this independent reporter an interview over breakfast under the condition that I pick up the tab.  He asked me to meet him at a McDonalds just off Times Square.  I entered the restaurant and saw him sitting by himself in a booth wearing his signature brown hat and duster.

TL:   Good morning, Mr. Brevoort.

Brevoort:  [looks TL up and down]   I thought you’d be taller.

TL:  I’m 6 feet tall.

Brevoort:  [motioning to a restaurant employee approaching with a platter full of Egg McMuffins and hash browns]  Pony up, son!

TL:  [hands the waitress a credit card]  I don’t think I’ve ever spent $80 at a McDonalds before.

Brevoort:  [hands TL one Egg McMuffin and one hashbrown; keeps the rest for himself]  Really?  I have.  Regularly.

TL:  I’m a little surprised you granted me this interview.  I mean, given that we’ve had a pretty contentious set of exchanges in the past.

Brevoort:  Wilth, Shceeber culdnt bay tady.

TL:  Excuse me?

Brevoort:  [swallows mouthful of Egg McMuffin]  Well, CBR couldn’t buy today.

TL:  Of course.

TL:  I just finished reading NINO #20 and I wanted to get your reaction to some of my observations about NINO in general and this issue in particular.

Brevoort:  [rolls eyes]  Again with the NINO stuff?  Really?  He’s ‘Nova’ because I made him Nova.  There’s no ‘In Name Only’ to it.  Take it or leave it.  I replaced Rider with Sam; and it’s Sam or nothing.

TL:  I know that’s you position, and I’m glad you brought it up because that was going to be one of my questions.  He’s never been inducted into the Corps by anyone empowered to do so, he doesn’t report to a higher authority, he’s had no training and is unfamiliar with any pan-galactic law granting the Corps law enforcement authority, he doesn’t live up to the ideals of the Corps, and even after issue #20 it’s not clear whether the so-called ‘Black Novas’ were criminals or eventually officially sanctioned.  He’s wearing his dad’s uniform and pretending to be a Nova.  How is he anything other than a Nova In Name Only?

Brevoort:  You cosmic fans think about stuff too much.  Look – we just want to sell books.  That’s what we do.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  The zombies will still buy it.  My advice to you and your little cosmic fan friends – just stop thinking and start buying.

TL:  In other words, become zombies.

Brevoort:   Sure.  Whatever.  [Drops some McMuffins into the pockets of his duster; puts a McMuffin and a hash brown under his hat].

TL:  So now I understand the outfit.

Brevoort:  Yeah – the coat has deep pockets for snacks and the hat traps heat to keep one warm for a mid-morning snack later.

TL:  What about the child soldier issue then.  You say forget logic and just go with it.  But, come on.  In this issue he skips school, almost dies from poisoning, and destroys the defenses at a military outpost that he should have protected.  In fact, why were the defenses activated against him anyway if he’s a real Nova as you claim?  Particularly since the computer recognized him as Jesse.  Furthermore, isn’t it poor parenting for both of his parents to encourage him to risk his life?  Isn’t it a poor example for him to skip school and to be disrespectful to teachers as he has in the past?  Aren’t you sending the wrong message to the 8-year-olds at whom this book is presumably aimed?

Brevoort:  [slowly finishes a hash brown before answering]  Bucky, Mulan, Katness, Arya Stark, Joan of Arc, etc.

TL:   Precedents?  Your argument is precedents?  Just because minors have risked their lives before in fiction and historical fact doesn’t make it morally right in reality or in fiction in the present.  And most of those weren’t encouraged to do so by their parents.  And presumably you’d like these 8-year-olds at whom this book is aimed to be able to read so they can continue to buy your products – so what’s with the disrespect for school and teachers?

Brevoort:  [motions to my untouched hash browns]  You gonna eat that?

TL:  It’s all yours.

Brevoort:  [finishes the hash brown; un-raps another McMuffin]  You do know this is fantasy, right?

TL:  Of course.  But shouldn’t it follow some internal logic?  Otherwise, it talks down to the reader.  Also, don’t you have a responsibility to send an appropriate message to the young readers you’re trying to capture?  Is glorifying using children as soldiers and deprecating education the right message?

Brevoort:  It’s selling above cancellation threshold, so the zombies like it well enough.  Like I said before…………

TL:  Stop thinking and start buying.

Brevoort:  [winks] Riiiiiight.  On to a more important topic.  Have you tried their new Peaches & Cream fried pies?

TL:  No.  But order away if you like.

Brevoort:  [waves at the employees to get their attention; Points at the fried pie rack and puts up 5 fingers]

TL:  Sorry, but I have to follow up because that unbridled Capitalism argument just doesn’t cut it.  What about the moral implications of using a child as a soldier?  You claim NINO is a real Nova just because you say so.   If he’s a real Nova, that makes him a soldier.  Rich was at least enlistment age when he was deputized.  NINO was 14 when he was first sent into battle with minimal training.  The entire world is now condemning use of children as combatants and as shields for combatants.  Why is Marvel/Disney glorifying it?

Brevoort:  Well maybe if this place would hire a few 8-year-olds, I could get my fried pies a little faster.  [yells at the front counter]  Hey!  Where’s my pies?

TL:  You can’t be serious.

Brevoort:  Like I said……….

TL:  Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort:  [winks]  Riiiiight.  [snatches a sack full of pies from a McD employee]  You don’t want one of these do you?

TL:  [hands credit card to McD employee]  All yours.

TL:  All right.  What about the weapon of mass destruction issue?  NINO is portrayed as an irresponsible minor.  He skips school, is disrespectful to teachers, he’s negligent in babysitting his sister allowing her to put on the ‘magic helmet’ and inadvertently do damage.  He’s portrayed as having at least Centurion level powers – essentially, the destructive powers of a tactical nuclear weapon.  How is it that all the adults in the Marvel Universe are just fine with him having enough power to level a city – yet being demonstrably irresponsible in its use?

Brevoort:  [stares with a mouthful of fried pie]  Haff yubn lstning?

TL:  Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort:  [swallows the pie] Right.  And speaking of buying, I’m getting a little thirsty. [motions at the shake machine and puts up 2 fingers]

TL:  Go for it.

TL:  Let’s move on to characterization.  In this issue, Rocket is written completely out of character as a thug who beats up a doctor who is only trying to help him.  Fans have also been upset by the writing out of character of most of the cosmic characters who have appeared in NINO’s book and in GotGINO.  Starstalker was recently written as a cowardly idiot.  Spaceknights have been written as buffoons.  Cosmo has been written completely out of character every time he has appeared.  And don’t get me started on the wreck Bendis has made of the GotG team.  Simple question.  Why?  And don’t tell me, ‘Stop thinking, start buying,’ if you want me to pay for those shakes.

Brevoort:  Look.  We understand how to sell comic books.  You don’t.  The zombies aren’t all that imaginative.  They have to have someone who’s relatable – you know, like a Norse God, a Billionaire Inventor, a World War II Soldier, a Canadian Guy with a metal skeleton and claws, a smart-ass mercenary who can’t be killed, a human with the powers of a spider, or a guy who turns into a giant green monster when he gets mad.  Anybody could relate to them, right?  But these space characters – now they are just weird!  Totally un-relatable in comparison!  I mean, who could relate to a weirdo like Star-Lord?  Now – a female version of Thor – that I can relate to in an instant.  Who couldn’t?  And why would anybody care about anything happening outside the surface of the Earth anyway?  We had to dumb down and camp up those weirdo cosmic characters – and also contrive some reason for them to be obsessed with Earth in order to get the zombies interested.  In the case of Sam, Loeb just wanted to create a character with a readymade fan base – and we didn’t think there were enough of you Rider fans to make much of a fuss if we replaced Rider.  In fact, we didn’t think you’d even notice and that you’d buy it anyway.  [motions to the approaching McD employee holding 2 shakes]  Now how about those shakes.

TL:  [hands the McD employee a credit card]  I think you’re under-estimating the intelligence of your readers.

Brevoort:  [belly laughs, spurting a mouthful of shake onto the table]  That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!

TL:  The art used to be the best part of the cosmic books.  Lately, it’s taken a turn for the worse.  NINO #20’s art was cartoonish.

Brevoort:  We have a saying.  Why pay for good art when the zombies will buy anything – and then take to the forums and insist the bad art is good!  [laughs, shakes his head]  Gotta love those zombies.

TL:  I must say that I’m feeling more discouraged about the future of cosmic than I did when I walked in the door.  In closing, can you give me any hope for a better future?

Brevoort:  Absolutely!  I have a better future planned beginning tonight!

TL:  Really?  Can you talk about it?

Brevoort:  Of course!  It’s ‘all you can eat steak night’ at The Golden Corral!  The future is looking pretty good to me right about now.  Care to join me tonight to finish this interview?  You pick up the tab, of course.

TL:  No, thanks.  I think we’ve just about covered everything we need to cover.

Note:  This continues the series of satirical/parody reviews of Marvel’s so-called Cosmic books.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: NINO Nova Special #1

I keep thinking NINO (Nova In Name Only) can’t get any worse.  And then, NINO defies my expectations and hits a new low point.  The NINO “Special” may “specially” occupy the space of worst NINO story to date.

There is not one saving grace in this issue.  The art is horrible – amateurishly cartoonish.   The coloring is horrible – dull, flat, and washed-out.  The writing is insultingly bad – worse than Loeb, Wells, and Duggan combined if you can believe it!

Marvel just can’t stop themselves from destroying everything DnA did to bring quality to cosmic storylines.  This time out, they take Monark Starstalker and turn him into a mewling, pathetic little wuss who screws up and has to ask for help from NINO.  Really?  NINO?  Asking for help from NINO?  Loeb’s idiot brainchild?  Why would anyone ask for help from NINO?  Especially a clever and tough android like Starstalker.  And then NINO does very little to help.  He pretty much just stands around and talks about why he can’t help.  And he’s ineffectual in the brief fight.  Pathetic.

To top it off, it really isn’t even a cosmic or NINO story – it’s an X-Men and Iron Man story.  So, once again, the cosmic characters are sent to the back of the bus, and the superhero headliner characters take over the book.  

This issue is proof positive of what I’ve been saying all along about NINO.  If you keep buying it – all you’ll get is more NINO, and it will just get worse.  

Please save your $4.99 and leave this trash on the shelf.  Marvel needs to be punished for this one. In fact, Marvel needs to be punished for producing NINO at all.  For those of you still buying NINO, and therefore shoveling more dirt on Rider’s grave, join the rest of us in the boycott.  Remove NINO from your pull list, cancel you digital subscription to NINO, boycott the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon and erase it from your DVR’s record list, remove New Warriors from your pull list or digital subscription, and above all – buy no NINO merchandise.  A few thousand less in sales and we can be rid of NINO forever.  

Nix NINO!

Long live Rich Rider!

[page_title]
Comic Book News

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #17 (Bendis)

Writer, BMB, graciously consented to an interview with this independent reporter.  He was met in his Soho apartment where he was found relaxing in a beanbag chair, smoking Kretek via hookah, and sipping a Dr. Pepper slushie apparently acquired from a local Taco Bell.

TL:   I must say that I’m surprised you granted me an interview given my critiques of your work.

BMB:  [offers TL a hit from the hookah] Peace pipe dude.

TL:   No thanks.  Allergic to cloves.  But I do appreciate the gesture.  

BMB:  [Winks and makes the shooter gesture]  No prob.

TL:  You know, I just finished reading GotG #17 and I have to say that I just don’t resonate with the change in the tone of this series since you took over from DnA.

BMB:  [takes a hit from the hookah and a sip of slushie]  D-n-A, Shcmee-n-A.

TL:  Excuse me?

BMB:  Look.  You cosmic fans clearly don’t understand the business of comic books.  Brevoort has told you that over-and-over.  Here’s the skinny.  We just want to sell as many books as we can as fast as we can.  Period.  None of us Architects much cared about cosmic in the past, so we let DnA play by themselves, and they sold a few books.  Nothing like the sales of one of our headliners like, say, Avengers or X-Men – but enough to keep a book going for a while.  Small potatoes – you know.

TL:  And then their material was used as the basis for a major motion picture that was expected to be a big hit.

BMB:  [sips the slushie]  Right.  So us Architects decided we better get on board and ride that tidal wave of cash [mimes water skiing actions] coming from the movie hype.  So, Schmee-n-A had to go.  Like I said – small potatoes.  And it paid off, didn’t it?  The movie hype sent sales of the book up, and I got a payday.

TL:  Sure – but that doesn’t explain the change in tone.  Why un-necessarily deviate so far from the source material?  I mean – your portrayal is not even that close to the movie portrayal – so what’s the point?  For instance, in #17, Star-Lord gets rescued by an Avenger, is inexplicably worried that the Avengers will be mad at him, processes his daddy issues once again, and once again accomplishes very little in the big scheme of things.  This is very different from past continuity when the Guardians didn’t take marching orders from Earth, weren’t overly concerned with Earth, and single-handedly dealt with the big issues.

BMB:  [takes a hit from the hookah]  Continuity, schmontinuity.  Too much is made of continuity among you fans.  Sales is what’s important.  Sales.  Get it?  If I throw in as many Avengers as possible, write the book like these third-rate space jamokes are B-team Avengers, and ride that wave of cash from the movie hype (again mimes water skiing actions) – we all get another big payday.  

It’s simple really – I just make up a few new curse words for Rocket and try to find him a catchphrase every issue.  “Glarkgin” is the new curse word this issue.  Brilliant, huh?  He says it about 9 times over 4 panels.  I thought of that one when I put some gin in my Dr. Pepper slushie while I was eating a Clark bar.  Mouthful of gin and Clark bar at the same time equals Clarkgin, right?  Then you just science-fiction it up by changing a letter and you get Glarkgin.  If I can find a made-up curse word or a catchphrase that catches on; it’s gonna be all over t-shirts and bumper stickers – and there’s another payday.  The rest is just a few contrived fights and a bunch of meaningless conversations about little issues.  Gotta save the big issues for Avengers and X-Men, you know.

TL:  Yeah.  That’s what I thought you’d say.

BMB:  [Takes hits from the hookah, blows smoke rings, stares into space]

TL:  The editing has been lackluster on this book from the start, but with a few notable exceptions; the art has been pretty good.  Until this issue, that is.  The art was pretty bad this time out.

BMB:  Art, schmart.  Who cares about the art?  We’ll sell thousands if for no other reason than the movie.  Marvel Zombies are brand loyalists.  They’ll buy anything with the brand on it – regardless of art, regardless of writing.  Quality, shmality.   Why pay for good art, when the zombies will buy it anyway? It’s all about sales, baby! 

TL:  Well – at least we agree on the brand loyal thing.  What about the editing?  I noticed quite a few grammatical errors – and you even spelled Rich Rider’s name wrong at the end.

BMB:   Editing, schmediting.

TL:  How did I know you’d say that?  Seriously – Rider is spelled with an “i” and not a “y.”

BMB:   [grins and sips the slushie]  So I spelled Dick Rider’s name wrong.  So what?  He’s history.  Loeb’s version is where it’s at, baby!  Cha-ching!  You know?  Out with the old and in with the new.  We’ve been busy shoehorning Loeb’s version into everything we possibly can.  Hey – Loeb’s gotta eat too, ya know?  Can’t have Dickie-boy around stealing attention away from Loeb’s version, right?  Just wait till you see the number I do on old Dickie-boy next issue!

TL:  And here I was going to apologize for calling you Minister of Hackery for the A-Holes.  No apology will be forthcoming now.

BMB:  [laughs]  Yeah – we all got a laugh about that in the bullpen.  The A-Holes, huh?  Funny.  After next issue, you’ll have to promote me to King of the A-Holes and demote Brevoort to Cardinal of Douche-Baggery.

TL: [winks, makes the shooter gesture]  No prob.  Is there anything else you’d like to say to the Cosmic fans before we close?

BMB:  Well, I don’t normally concern myself with small, vocal minorities like the cosmic fans.  That is, other than to just call them small, vocal minorities anytime anybody asks about why they’re so upset with how Loeb and I have treated them.  Especially since there is no more “Marvel Cosmic.”  I mean – cosmic, shmosmic.  It’s all about the Marvel Universe, baby!  And by Marvel Universe I mean Earth.  Well, just New York City, really.  And maybe a few of the boroughs around NYC.  I mean, come on – we sell Earthcentric superheroic fantasy stories.  Who needs cosmic anyway?  Cosmic is just about giving some funny-looking characters some goofy things to do in space and making up a few new words along the way, right?  As long as we make it read like Avengers and somehow tie it to NYC, we’re golden, right? Don’t believe me?  Just ask Loeb.

(Editor’s note: This continues our series of satirical parody reviews)

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Comic Book News Marvel

Nova #19 Review (Duggan)

For those just tuning in, this is the 19th episode of coverage of the Nova hostage crisis.  To update new readers, 19 issues ago, the Nova concepts were taken hostage by a gang of Earthbound terrorists hostile to high quality cosmic storylines, continuity, and characterization.  These terrorists refer to themselves as “The A-Holes,” and their stated goals are to subvert cosmic’s underlying concepts, destroy cosmic’s uniqueness, and reduce cosmic to the generic, Earthbound-mediocrity of most super-hero-oriented comic books. Our UK Correspondent recently summed-up the goals of The A-Holes as: “producing a sterilized, diluted mockery of a once great genre.”

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In new developments, Propaganda Minister for the A-Holes, Garry Duggan, delivers yet another absurdly implausible story disrespectful of Nova continuity and established mythos.  He once again wrongly centers the source of each Corpsman’s powers in their helmets, impossibly subverts the Worldmind’s control over the Nova Force, and ridiculously portrays all Corpsmen as weak and incompetent – except of course, NINO.  He writes Rocket Raccoon out of character as a money-grubbing, trigger-happy, impulsive sociopath.  He continues to write NINO’s mother as an idiot unfit to raise children.  He ret-cons the fate of Robert Rider and the rest of Rich Rider’s Corpsmen (i.e. implies that they were killed in the Cancerverse battle). And of course, he immorally continues to glorify NINO’s status as a child soldier/combatant.  The art/coloring are acceptable but nothing to write home about.

In a coded communication intercepted by the NCSA (National Comics Security Agency), Propaganda Minister Duggan can be heard gleefully reporting to Cliché Minister Brevoort, “Yes sir!  Consistent with your orders, we’ve produced yet another issue that only brain-dead zombies could love.”  In response, Cliché Minister Brevoort can be heard to cackle in laughter saying, “Excellent!  Rather than innovate by creating brand new characters to appeal to children, females and racial minorities, we’ll continue the cowardly and creatively bankrupt policy of hi-jacking the names and powers of established characters and shoehorning new characters with the desired demographics into their roles.  It worked with Nova, Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, and Ultimate Spiderman; so why not Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man?   BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!  The brand-loyal zombies will buy anything!”  Schlock Minister Loeb and Hackney Minister Bendis can be heard giggling in the background of this communication.   As usual, Mediocrity Minister Alonso is silent and apparently absent from this meeting.

In an uplifting development, resistance to the A-Holes’ hi-jacking of the Nova concepts continues to grow with NINO’s sales steadily falling.  Resistance fighters have been shown to be immune to the zombie virus and have discovered a cure for the afflicted zombies.  The cure is to starve the problem source, The A-Holes.   Leave NINO and NeWINO (New Warriors In Name Only) on the shelf.

Cancel NINO from your pull list.  Cancel your DVR’s setting to record Ultimate Spiderman.  Buy no NINO merchandise.  Be a star! Join the resistance!  Nix NINO!

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Comic Book News

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy #16 (Bendis)

For those just tuning in, this is the 16th episode of coverage of the Guardians of the Galaxy hostage crisis.  To update new readers, 15 issues ago, the Guardians of the Galaxy were taken hostage by a band of Earthbound terrorists hostile to high quality cosmic storylines, continuity, and characterization.  Referred to as the “MMS” (Marvel Mediocrity Squad) by opposition groups, their stated goals are to subvert cosmic’s underlying concepts, destroy cosmic’s uniqueness, and reduce cosmic to the generic, Earthbound-mediocrity of most super-hero-oriented comic books.

From documents leaked by undisclosed high-level sources, our reporters have learned that the NCSA (National Comic-book Security Agency) has produced a Wanted Poster featuring pictures of the terrorists and the until now secret name by which they refer to themselves when they hold clandestine meetings to plot how they will further subvert cosmic.  “The A-Holes” – as they refer to themselves – are pictured in this poster soon to be released to all comic book fan sites.  These men are considered dangerous to comic book fans as any contact with them may result in a decline in your Intelligence Quotient along with a commensurate reduction from the sterling taste in comic books you may now hold to the basest of pedestrian tastes.  Should you encounter any of these men, the NCSA urges you to stop, point at them, and yell “A-Hole!” to alert everyone else in the vicinity.  Then you should immediately run in the opposite direction.  Under no circumstances should you purchase anything from any of these men.

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New developments in the 16th episode of the hostage crisis look exactly like old developments.  Deus ex machina is used repeatedly; Star-Lord AGAIN (unsuccessfully) tries to process his daddy issues; Avengers are shoe-horned into the storyline at every opportunity; the art/coloring remain the best part of the book; the great powers of the local group of galaxies act like drooling idiots, and the Guardians continue to be reduced to an ineffectual team that doesn’t accomplish much of anything.  Ringleader of the hostage takers, Brian Michael Bendis, seems intent on using the hostages in such a manner as to produce an unbearable ennui among the most ardent of cosmic fans as a means of driving them away from cosmic fandom and accomplishing the stated goals of the A-Holes.

Brave resistance fighters have held the line against the A-Holes for 16 issues now and morale remains high as with each issue more fighters join the ranks of the resistance.  However, the A-Holes are doubling-down on their attacks against quality cosmic and their collaborators in the comics community are acting to make the hostage crisis the new status quo for cosmic.  The ultimate outcome remains in doubt – but never fear.  What is done by the A-Holes can later be un-done by a good and truly talented creative team that actually likes and respects cosmic.  

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Nova #18 (Duggan)

Sometimes a reboot of a concept surpasses the original.  That was the case for Nova Volume IV.  Most times, a reboot is inferior to the original.  That is the case with NINO.

The problem is that the major players in the NINO reboot (Alonso, Brevoort, Loeb, Bendis, and now Duggan) never liked, understood, cared about, or bothered to familiarize themselves with cosmic in general or the Nova mythos in particular.  Their past and present motivations appear to be to cash in on the expected surge in interest in cosmic once the Guardians of the Galaxy movie premieres and is the blockbuster everyone expects — and, in the case of NINO, to develop a “Spider-man-ish” character for which they own the movie rights.  Their lack of understanding and regard for cosmic shows in the decline in quality of cosmic under their leadership. Thankfully, the fans have resisted Marvel’s marketing flim-flam about NINO, and this total mess of a comic book is failing – down to 111th in sales – with only 22K still buying.   I can’t wait to see the words, “Final Issue,” smeared across the cover in the near future.  It is way past time for NINO to go away and never be heard tell of again.

The 22K of high-camp, clichéd, teen antic/angst mediocrity lovers still buying NINO will call this the best issue of the series thus far.  I agree – it is the best of the worst – but that’s faint praise.  Bad concept equals dumb story cover-to-cover.  And the lack of regard for Nova mythos is on full display throughout.

Once again, NINO’s mother won’t be winning the “Mother of the Year” award.  She encourages her minor children to play with a weapon of mass destruction and stands idly by while NINO flies off to the edge of the universe to face mortal danger.  Honestly – I fully expect her to start leaving loaded weapons lying around the house.  And in a way she is – since in this silly re-boot of the Nova mythos the powers are stupidly portrayed as emanating from the helmets.  She piles up a heap of discarded helmets from fallen Corpsmen in her basement.  All that power centered right there won’t attract the attention of any villains and expose her family to further danger, will it?  Dumb.

And then the Avengers and Fantastic Four encourage NINO to risk his life fighting Mindless Ones.  Is every adult in the Marvel Universe an irresponsible, blithering idiot?

If I had one major criticism of Volume IV, it would’ve been that DnA portrayed Rich as underpowered.  Just the opposite with NINO.  Duggan portrays NINO as ultra-powered.  No way NINO tosses around Mindless Ones like that.

The end scene is especially egregious.  Remember that above-mentioned lack of regard for Nova mythos?  Jesse is portrayed with a Millennian helmet but wearing a Centurion Uniform (as is the Corpsman he guns down).  And since the Worldmind was presumably active at the time of that apparent crime – there’s no way he would get away with it as it would have been recorded in Worldmind archives.  Once again, the “creators” and “re-booters” borrow the look and general concepts without any understanding or regard for the history and mythos.

Of course, NINO has an existential angsty teen crisis when it looks like dear old dad is just another criminal thug.  And when Iron Man has a chance to be an adult and help – he just makes an off the cuff remark and walks away.  Now that’s heroic, isn’t it?  Sheesh.

NINO ends by saying he’ll never wear the helmet again.  If only that was true.  But it isn’t true and the little idiot will be back because Marvel is desperate to throw him in the face of every reader by making him part of every event and giving him special one-shots.  And Brevoort, with a straight face, is his typical disingenuous self when he says he gave Rich equivalent marketing hype.

It is now rumored that Rich Rider will make an appearance in the post-credit scene of the Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  Think about the resurgence in interest in Thanos after his post-credit scene.  He was brought back from the dead in very short order, wasn’t he?  So, if this rumor is true, it’s our best chance of getting Rich back and active in the Marvel Cosmic Universe.  NINO needs to be gone and forgotten by then – because if he’s still selling, the powers at Marvel will continue with Loeb’s re-boot, and Loeb’s re-boot by Loeb’s own design and admission has no room for Rich Rider.  So – if you’re a true Rich Rider fan, the best thing you can do is leave this NINO trash on the shelf at your local comic shop.  Cancel NINO from your pull list or digital purchase list.  Take Ultimate Spider-Man off the record list of your DVR.  Don’t buy New Warriors (in Name Only) because it headlines NINO.  A small push is all that’s needed to drive sales further down and hopefully eliminate NINO forever. 

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Comic Book News

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Trailer #15 (Bendis)

This whole idea that The Avengers have to have one or more representatives on the team at all times is just annoying.   What authority do The Avengers have over any other vigilante team – especially one that operates (in theory though not in practice under Bendis) far away from Earth?  So now we have Venom on the team and apparently Captain Ms. Marvel will be joining soon.  Despite the cover, she won’t be joining this issue.  In fact, other than the cover, she makes no appearance – so if you’re buying this issue because of her, you’ll be disappointed.

I’m guessing she’ll be brought in to be the muscle on the team, and she’ll begin by rescuing (eye roll) everyone captured by the great powers of the local group of galaxies.  I suppose she and Venom make more sense on the team than Iron Man – but that’s not saying much.   Under Bendis, the Guardians (in Name Only) are portrayed as weak, and in his hands will always take a back seat to any Avenger.  Never mind that they dealt with Universal threats in the past without the aid of any of Earth’s heroes.  Now, they are so weak and incompetent, they have to be rescued by an Avenger who can’t keep sales on her own book above cancellation threshold.  It’s sad what this title has become under Bendis.

This issue has its problems – but it is one of the better of the worst.  I have a real problem with Rocket begging for his life.  That REALLY annoyed me in a very bad way.  It’s one of the more egregious out of character moments under Bendis’ typical mangling of the better characterizations of the past.  On the other hand, I felt like Drax and Gamora were back in character for a few moments, and the action scenes for Gamora and Star-Lord weren’t bad at all.  Though it’s not clear what Groot’s story actually is at this point – it does have potential if Bendis uses it to tell a good Brood tale.

Venom and his faux (Skrull imposter) Avengers team story was expected and predictable – existing purely to pull more Avenger-zombie dollars into this book.  You could skip right over that part of the story, and the book would read the same.  Bendis is clearly going to use Venom as the gateway character – as if anyone reading this book needs a gateway character.  I predict Venom will be about as annoying on the team as Stark was.  Really Bendis, the “duck out of water” angle isn’t necessary.  We get it that the universe outside of Earth is different.  We don’t need a character within the story constantly underlining that obvious point.

As always, the art and coloring are the best parts of this book.  Bradshaw, Stewart, and Ponsor deliver on all fronts.

A major motion picture based on DnA’s version of Guardians of the Galaxy will be released in three months.  It’s telling that in every interview about the movie, DnA’s version of GotG is mentioned and Bendis’ GotGINO is not mentioned at all – even though Bendis’ GotGINO will be in print at the time of the movie’s release.  The MCU decision-makers seem to be deliberately distancing themselves from Bendis’ super-hero-ing up and dumbing-down of the characters and concepts – and who can blame them?  

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Comic Book News Marvel

Nova #17 Review (Duggan)

In this issue of 1960’s Spiderman Inferiorly Re-packaged………..er……….I mean, NINO, the cover pretty much sums up everything that’s wrong with this book. 

Upon seeing the silly, cutesy, child-oriented cover of this book sitting on the shelf of the local comic shop, I immediately realized it was designed to make adults say, “Awwwwww – how cute – they’re playing dress-up” and without thinking buy this trash for their children.  Now – if they thought about it – what you’ve got depicted is two irresponsible minor children playing with a weapon of mass destruction and irresponsible parents allowing/encouraging them to do just that.  I know – I know – all the zombies will be quick to point out that “it’s not real – just fantasy.”  But is that the message you really want your impressionable children picking up from their “fantasy?”  And if you’re an adult – don’t you have to go to extraordinary effort to ignore the absurdity and suspend disbelief?  Doesn’t that extraordinary effort speak to the quality of the product and render it too puerile for adult consumption?  That’s the first thing that made bile begin to rise into my throat.  

Then I read the content of the word balloon and sneered because it sums up Marvel’s attitude about this book and the Nova concepts.  They refer to the customer as “dummies” (aka  “zombies”) and demand that you buy the book or be deprived of GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only).  Not much of a threat there for me.  If I owned any of Bendis’ GotGINO, the snaggle-toothed little idiot depicted on the cover would be welcome to come over and rip them up.  I just shook my head and let the nausea subside.  Brevoort has threatened repeatedly that we either buy NINO or there will be no “Nova” at all – and there is a paraphrase of that attitude in print right there on the cover of this book.  Fine.  I’ll take no “Nova” at all over NINO any day.  I’m not so desperate for a book that has “Nova” smeared across the cover that I’ll accept this trash.  But just out of curiosity – I’ve got a few questions for those still buying this crime against the Nova mythos:  Do you enjoy being taken for granted?  Doesn’t it upset you that Marvel is basically saying to you in print what a certain former Marvel Editor says to you on forums (i.e. “Bitch all you want.  I know you’ll still buy every issue”)?  Do you like being called “dummies” for buying an inferior product while they laugh and know you’ll buy it anyway?  Do you like a business trying to sell you something by making fun of you and insulting your intelligence?

I could stop writing now because the cover really does sum up the entire issue and everything that’s wrong with this book.  But – let’s press on anyway.

Once again NINO proves he’s a disgrace to the uniform.  First – NINO brings some radioactive material home and irradiates his neighborhood – endangering everyone’s lives.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Then he’s left babysitting his sister and he falls asleep failing to secure the “magic helmet.”  Whereupon his sister puts it on, gains the powers and blows a hole in the side of the house.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Then he intervenes in an accident and his actions cause someone’s house to catch fire and burn to the ground.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Idiotic, irresponsible, and foolhardy?  I think so.

Further, in a recent interview, Duggan described NINO’s mother as a “soldier’s wife.”  He therefore tacitly acknowledges that Jesse and Sam are indeed “super-powered soldiers” and not classic vigilante “superheroes.”  The zombies are quick to point to New Mutants, Young Avengers, Robin, Teen Titans, etc. as examples of teen vigilante superheroes – using “precedent” as an argument to justify the morality of NINO’s existence as a child soldier.   I would point out that a soldier is not a vigilante.  A soldier is recruited according to set criteria and trained in the art and science of combat.  A soldier reports to and is empowered by a higher authority.  A soldier has a code of conduct, a duty, and a mission to perform – in other words, specified responsibilities.   NINO wears the uniform and carries the powers of a Nova Centurion – a living weapon of mass destruction – the backbone of Xandar’s military.  However, NINO is a 14-year-old child irresponsibly playing at being a soldier as if playing a video game. NINO has none of the training and commitment to duty of a true soldier.  NINO is also repeatedly sent into heavy kill-or-be-killed combat by adults who should know better than to endanger a child.  Xandar was never portrayed as a rogue civilization that used child soldiers like Somalian Pirates or Al Qaida.  Marvel/Disney is sending a bad message to the kiddies at whom this book is presumably aimed.  In a way, they’re glorifying the use of child soldiers in kill-or-be-killed combat.  NINO is not only a disgrace to the uniform, his very existence as a child soldier is immoral.  Before any zombie shouts, “Bucky!” – his existence as a 15-year-old child soldier was immoral, too.  Also – just to preclude the typical zombie arguments in defense of NINO, Rider was 17 (age of military enlistment eligibility in most Western nations) when he got the powers and 18 when he went to war.

Speaking of NINO’s mother – she once again proves that she’s unfit to lead a family.  She allows NINO to skip school – sending a message to the kiddies reading the book that school isn’t important.  Knowing of NINO’s irresponsibility, she leaves him to babysit and he falls asleep and allows his sister to endanger her life and the lives of others by playing with a weapon of mass destruction.  She repeatedly encourages NINO to fly off and endanger his life.  What kind of mother does things like this?  That is, besides the ones who have files with Child Protective Services?  And the Avengers, New Warriors, Beta Ray Bill and others who are age of majority also encourage this?  Is every adult in the Marvel 616 an idiot?  The zombies will again point out that this “isn’t real.”  Yeah zombies – I know that.  And will you admit that it’s so “unreal” that it’s absurdly and intelligence-insultingly stupid?  Is disrespect for school and teachers the message you want sent to children?  Don’t you want your entertainment to talk up to you?  Or has the zombie virus totally taken over your brains?

Face it, NINO represents the Justin Bieber-ization of the Nova concepts by a bunch of out-of-touch, middle-aged Marvel writers/editors who mistakenly think they can capture a young audience by re-packaging tired old comic book tropes and dressing them up with things that used to be of interest to 13-15-year-olds (video games, skateboarding, backward caps, slang expressions, etc).  Bieber-NINO is a miserable failure as proved by steadily falling sales despite the greatest marketing campaign I’ve ever seen for a new comic character (i.e.  cartoon appearances, video game appearances, variant covers, crossovers, merchandise, top artists, popular writers).  That should tell you something, Marvel Editors.  It should tell you that NINO is a bad concept.  It should also tell you that you’ve completely alienated the existing Rider Nova fan base because NINO sells less well than Rider Nova did without all the marketing hype.

Let me spell it out.  With NINO you have the right marketing strategy paired with the wrong (and terribly inferior) concept.  With Nova Volume IV, you had the wrong marketing strategy (i.e. non-existent) paired with the right (superior) concept.  I suppose it’s too much to expect Brevoort and Alonso to actually get something right, but the next step is obvious.  Nix Bieber-NINO, keep the marketing strategy, and apply it to a resurrected Volume IV Rider Nova.

I know that will never happen.  Bendis has said he’s had the story of Rich’s fate in mind since before NINO was even announced.  If that’s true, you can bet he’s not going to treat Rider Nova or his fans kindly.  Bendis will no doubt continue the humiliation treatment by definitively killing Rich, or completely de-powering Rich, or villain-izing Rich, or Bieber-izing Rich by revealing that he is really an age-regressed Sam, or bringing Rich back to play second-fiddle to NINO, or revealing that Rich is really the aged and broken-down-drunk-loser, Jesse.  What Bendis definitely won’t do is bring Rich back as the mature, powerful, Nova Prime from Volume IV – because that would be too much of a threat to Bieber-NINO – the absurd, immoral trash that Marvel desperately wants to sell.  Frankly, I would personally prefer Rich’s fate to remain in doubt until NINO fails and a better writing/editorial team comes along in the future that actually respects the Rider Nova character and his fans.  I don’t want Rich brought back to in any way play second-fiddle to NINO.  And I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes to have Rich brought back right – because I know that Bendis, Brevoort, and Alonso will just make Rich a NINO, too.  Better no Nova than NINO.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Oped: Nova: The Showdown with Marvel Editorial

The Cosmic Triune

An Opinion-Editorial

By

Timelord

 

Nova:  The Showdown with Marvel Editorial

 

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Now is the time for all true Richard Rider Nova fans to come to the aid of their favorite character.

As everyone now knows, Bendis will reveal the fate of Richard Rider in Issue #18 of his GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only).  This development has been met with a great deal of consternation from Rider Nova fans worldwide – and for good reason given Marvel’s treatment of the character and fans of the character over the past two years.

A little background is in order.  The Annihilation event and subsequent Nova (Volume IV; 2007-2010) series redefined the Richard Rider character from the teenage Peter Parker-ish inspired iteration originating in Nova (Volume I; 1976-1979) and persisting in slightly modified form over succeeding volumes to a mature, powerful, battle-hardened leader of men.  Fans of the character celebrated this major change for the better, and most long-term fans believed that their favorite character had finally actualized the potential they had always longed for but only rarely glimpsed in the character.  Writers, Giffen and DnA, had recognized the same potential as the fans and acted to bring it to fresh, stunning and imaginative life; while most prior writers had merely focused on trying to re-create Spiderman.  In essence, with the new and improved Richard Rider Nova, we had a Nova for a new generation.

As an interesting aside, I’ve had personal communication with Marv Wolfman, creator of the Rider Nova character, and he indicated to me that he intended to take Rider Nova in the same direction as Giffen/DnA of more mature space-based adventures had his original series not been cancelled.  Essentially, the Peter Parker-ish similarities were originally used to sell the idea to Marvel Editorial and to get the comic book buyers of the 1976 era to give the series a try, but he always intended to evolve the character into something better, more mature, and unique for the era.  Sadly, Marvel Editorial has not shared such vision for the character and has been determined to keep the character/concept a “One-Trick Pony” – stuck forevermore in “pale imitation of Peter Parker” mode.  And that brings us to NINO (Nova In Name Only).

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As we all know, the best and all time fan-favorite Rider Nova iteration, Volume IV, was placed on “hiatus” in 2010 prior to The Thanos Imperative event.  Then Marvel EIC, Joe Quesada, stated that sales were not a factor in that decision; so fans naturally assumed that the series would resume after The Thanos Imperative event.  So we waited.  And we waited some more.  And we eventually learned that “hiatus” is apparently “Marvel-speak” for “cancellation.”  We then learned that Jeph Loeb had hijacked the Nova concepts and was replacing Rider with an obnoxious 13-year-old teen Peter-Parker-ish personality/storyline.  In other words, Loeb was back-stepping to the old clichés we’d finally overcome – in essence creating a “Nova” (In Name Only) for a past generation by once again re-packaging Spiderman, and in ultimate disrespect of the loyalty of the Rider Nova fans, he believed we’d buy anything with the word, “Nova,” smeared across the cover of the book. 

Marvel Editorial was complicit in the disrespect of the loyalty of the Rider Nova fans; suddenly declaring Rider “dead” (though the same treatment didn’t apply to Thanos, Drax, and Star-Lord since they were going to be in a movie soon) and therefore in need of a “replacement” even though Volume IV writers, DnA, had clearly stated in several interviews that Rider was merely temporarily “marooned” in the Cancerverse.  In an insincere attempt to assuage outraged Rider fans, Marvel EIC, Axel Alonso, said he expected the Rider Nova fans to “embrace” NINO and then faux-canonized Rider’s now ret-conned “death” as something too special to undo.  Yeah – right.  Somehow Rider’s “death” was too special but Thanos’, Star-Lord’s, and Drax’s same story/same cause/same event/same “death” wasn’t quite so special?  Hey Alonso – disingenuous much?

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I coined the protest term, NINO (Nova In Name Only), to set Loeb’s version apart from all other versions of true Rider Nova comic books.  We’ve now been afflicted with 16 cliché-filled issues of NINO sullying the concepts – all of them ranging from bottom-of-the-barrel to mediocre in quality.  Despite tons of marketing hype (that Volume IV never received) and numerous variant covers (featuring Deadpool of course), publicly available sales figures have ranged from nearly equivalent to less than Rider’s Volume IV sales – so Marvel Editorial, where’s the beef?  Where’s the proof that NINO is a better concept?  You’ve got none.  Despite your best efforts, NINO is a failure – critically and financially.  And when fans point that out, they are immediately attacked by one or more Marvel Editors (you know who I’m talking about).

So now Bendis is poised to tell us Rider’s fate.  Given his driving of GotGINO into the ground, I’ve previously described looking forward to his take about as much as I’d look forward to root canal surgery.  Many theories have been floated as to which comic book cliché Bendis will choose to explain Rider’s death.  Some believe Bendis will just flat out kill Rider as a means to solidify NINO in place as the goofy teen Lone Ranger “idiot” (Loeb’s own description of his own character) that Marvel Editorial seems to desperately want to sell.  Another theory is that Star-Lord was forced to kill Rich to escape the Cancerverse. Others have posited that Bendis will give Rich the Parallax treatment and turn him into a Shuma-Gorath-possessed villain before killing him as a means to formally hand the torch to NINO.  Another theory is that Thanos absorbed Rich’s powers and if Rich returns at all he’ll be de-powered.  Still others think that Jesse Alexander and/or Sam Alexander are time/alternate-universe-displaced versions of Rich. There are probably many more clichés I’ve failed to mention.  But so far, few believe that Rich will be brought back into the 616 to take his rightful place as the mature, powerful, Nova-Prime as that would be too much of a threat to the NINO that Marvel desperately wants to sell; even though NINO has been soundly rejected by most of Rider Nova fandom.

What I find most disturbing is the passive complacency many fans exhibit – acting as if there is nothing that can be done to affect the outcome of this process.  Might I remind you that Joe Quesada encouraged us to vote with our dollars?  It’s very simple.  If you want Rich back, stop buying NINO and send an email to Marvel telling them why you’re not buying NINO and why you want Rich back in his rightful place as Nova Prime.  Encourage all your friends to do the same.

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As far as I’m concerned, the only acceptable outcomes for GotGINO #18’s story of what happened to Rich Rider is for Rider to be returned to the 616 as Nova Prime intent on re-building Xandar and The Nova Corps or for Rider to be left alive marooned in the Cancerverse as a freedom-fighter for a better writing/editorial team in the future to bring back to the 616 once NINO inevitably and deservedly completely fails and is cancelled.

Let’s get organized and begin a showdown with Marvel Editorial.  Let’s make a pledge to kill NINO if Marvel kills, de-powers, or uses one of the other clichés mentioned above to marginalize Rich Rider.

What do I mean by “kill NINO?”  NINO is teetering on the edge of cancellation already – and NeWINO (New Warriors In Name Only) featuring NINO as the headliner character premiered to cancellation threshold sales.  It would just take a small push to end NINO and NeWINO

If all the true Rider Nova fans still buying NINO and NeWINO in vain hope of Rider’s return to Volume IV-era glory are once again disappointed and disrespected by Bendis’/Marvel Editorial’s upcoming explanation of Rider’s fate, and they would simply join the rest of us in boycotting NINO and NeWINO, then  NINO and NeWINO would be pushed into cancellation and Marvel would reap just punishment for disrespecting us and our favorite character.   With the most recent issues of NINO and NeWINO only selling 22K and 23K, respectively, a few thousand less buyers and both are done. 

It’s a very simple message to Marvel Editorial:  You allow Bendis to kill or otherwise marginalize Rich Rider, and we kill NINO and every other book in which NINO appears.  We also boycott all NINO merchandise and boycott the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon and the rumored upcoming GotG cartoon if it features NINO.  Better no Nova than NINO.

Hey – we’re just doing what Joe Quesada said and voting with our dollars.  We have the numbers to deal the death strike to NINO and GotGINO if Marvel once again disappoints us.  I say we use our power to maximum advantage.

Nix NINO!  Long live Rich Rider!

DISCUSS THIS IN THE COSMIC BOOK NEWS FORUMS

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Original Sin #0

I see Brevoort is listed as editor of this mini.  Of course, he isn’t going to miss a chance to promote NINO (Nova In Name Only).  He actually believes NINO is the best embodiment of the Nova concepts.  As usual, he’s dead wrong.

Waid delivers an interesting tale about the background of The Watchers, borrowing heavily from Star Trek’s Prime Directive mythos and the mythos of other SF efforts about the dangers of advanced civilizations interfering in the natural evolution of primitive civilizations.  In a way it is well-treaded ground both in the history of SF and in the history of Western Civilization on Earth.  However, it does kind of give a foundation to the reason for what the Watchers do.  Hardly as groundbreaking as some reviews would suggest, but not silly or completely implausible either.

The real weakness of this story is NINO.  I realize NINO is only present in this story to try to reverse the flagging sales on his own book, and that Waid is using NINO as the gateway character for the reader to gaze in “wide-eyed wonderment” into the awe and majesty of the Watcher’s technology and mission.  And he uses NINO to provide some energy and drama for this otherwise downbeat and introspective story via NINO’s teen antics/dialogue and his family problems. 

Frankly, I would’ve preferred a more fleshed-out story focusing on The Watchers without the addition of NINO into the mix.  As usual, NINO’s annoyance factors and implausibility factors vastly outweigh his entertainment value.  NINO’s wide-eyed wonderment, teen antics, teen dialogue, and contrived family drama were hackneyed right out of the gate and have only become more annoying and hackneyed with the passage of time.  The Avengers actually approving his actions sets off all my implausibility alarms. This is not the best embodiment of the Nova concepts, Mr. Brevoort.  This is an inferior re-tread of what Wolfman did back in the 70’s.  NINO isn’t innovative, interesting, or entertaining.

Turning now to the art and coloring, I’m happy to say that the art and coloring for this book are truly eye-pleasing.  I especially enjoyed the manner in which the alternate universes monitored by the Watcher were portrayed.

In short, Original Sin #0 was a mildly interesting though hardly innovative explanation of the motivations and history of The Watchers.   Sadly, it was sullied by the completely un-necessary addition of the annoying NINO character.  Supposedly this mini and its tie-ins will explain the fate of the Earth’s true Nova, Rich Rider.  With Brevoort and Bendis handling it, I’d say there’s cause for all true Rider Nova fans to be worried.  It’s a foregone conclusion that with Brevoort’s and Bendis’ involvement, Rider’s return will be un-satisfying to his fans and Rider’s fate will follow some typical comic book cliché.  I’m guessing he’ll either be brought back as a Shuma-Gorath possessed villain, be heroically killed off for good to solidify NINO in place, and/or it will be revealed that NINO/Jesse are really time and alternate-universe displaced versions of Rich.  Any of those cliché’s sound good to you Rider Nova fans?  Me neither.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians Of The Galaxy #14 (Abnett, Lanning, Bendis)

In the Bendis-written portion of this issue of Avengers Re-packaged…..er…..I mean, GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only), we drop in on a bored, horny, lovelorn Star-Lord lying in his bunk lost in a pity-party over his love life and letting his entire world fall apart around him.  Tell me Star-Lord fans, does this sound like the Peter Quill you know and admire?  Never let it be said that Bendis lets continuity, consistent characterization, or (especially) plausibility get in his way.

It gets worse.

Quill is fantasizing about Kitty Pryde who would be about half his age if Marvel hadn’t somehow regressed Quill in age from his late 30’s-early 40’s to 21.  Now this has to be one of the dumbest hook-ups in comic book history, and obviously done purely to try to capture some X-zombie dollars.  Anyway – his self-indulgent negligence allows daddy’s Imperial forces to capture him, Rocket, and Groot, which paves the way for Bendis to again pull out the hackneyed daddy issues and have Quill and Jason tell each other how disappointed they are in each other.  Yawn.

Venom is shoe-horned onto the team with no real explanation in an obvious attempt to capture some Spider-zombie dollars.  Drax is way too easily captured by the Shi’ArGamora is  – again – way too easily bested by the lame bounty hunter who bested her a few issues back.  And then Captain Ms. Marvel is shoe-horned onto the team in an obvious attempt to capture some Avengers-zombie dollars.  I’ll say this much for Bendis, he doesn’t miss a chance to capitalize on the zombie virus.  He’s already hit the Avengers-virus (multiple times), the Spider-virus, and the X-virus (multiple times).  What’s next?  Deadpool, Wolverine, The Thing, or one of the Hulk family on the team?  I’d bet good money on it.

The Bendis portion of this faux-100th-issue-Anniversary of GotGINO is a disjointed mess that accomplishes exactly what Alonso and Brevoort set out to accomplish.  When they say there is no more Marvel Cosmic – only the Marvel Universe – they mean that everything must be reduced to Earth-centric, street-level dramatic, derivative super-heroic fantasy.   Congratulations Bendis and Bonso (Axel Alonso and Tom Brevoort) – you’ve succeeded in removing everything that was unique and special about Marvel Cosmic – and replaced it with forgettable, generic tripe.

The Lanning-written portion of this issue is probably the highlight.  It chronicles young Groot’s early childhood and escape from Planet X.  It is cleverly written and entertaining, but is quite brief. 

Abnett’s portion is essentially a brief introduction to the original Guardians of the Galaxy for those unfamiliar with the original team.  The story is just a little skirmish to introduce the freedom fighters to those unfamiliar with Guardians of the Galaxy history. It was great to see Major Victory and his team once again, but for those of us familiar with that version of the team, it felt un-necessary.  Perhaps if Abnett had been given much more space and freedom to write, we would have gotten a real adventure featuring the classic team, and that would’ve been quite welcome.

When I say Abnett’s and Lanning’s portions are brief – I do mean brief – as in over in a few pages.  Apparently, the editors wouldn’t let Lanning or Abnett near the team concept of this book for (realistic) fear of them overshadowing Bendis.  So they were stuck with doing brief background on one character or on the history of the original concept.

The art and coloring are certainly acceptable across all three stories, but there’s really little else to be said about that aspect of this book.  It’s nothing about which to either rave or complain.

In summary, the Lanning and Abnett portions vastly overshadowed Bendis’ phoned-in effort, but their portions were way too brief and editorially constrained.  Even Abnett and Lanning can’t turn this book around from the nose-dive into the ground course set by Bendis and Bonso.  Save your money and leave this one on the shelf.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Nova #16 (Duggan)

You know those vinyl stickers you see on the rear windows of trucks?  The ones of Calvin taking a whiz on something the driver of the vehicle holds in disdain?  I think Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”) must each have one of those stuck on the rear windows of their vehicles with Calvin’s target being the word, “Cosmic.” 

I never thought I’d be thinking of Quesada’s tenure as “The Good Old Days,” but at least he admitted that he didn’t like or understand Cosmic.  Then he had enough true leadership skills to give the fans what they wanted by getting out of the way and letting truly talented Cosmic writers create what became Marvel’s penultimate modern Cosmic universe.  Then along came Bonso and in a textbook demonstration of bad leadership, Bonso decided to “fix” what wasn’t broken. In creatively bankrupt fashion, Bonso re-packaged The Avengers and Spiderman  to give us the atrocious GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only) and NINO (Nova In Name Only), respectively.  Seriously, Brevoort has said many times that in his opinion Nova was “coolest” as a goofy, teenaged, Lone Ranger-type flying around on Earth spouting one-liners and that the Nova Corps “wasn’t cool.”  Pretty much sounds like every issue of NINO doesn’t it?  You want to know who to blame for NINO?  Blame Bonso.

NINO #16 is embarrassingly bad cover-to-cover.  That’s why sales of this series are deservedly low and falling fast.

When I say, “bad cover-to-cover,” I mean it literally.  Beginning with the cover, we see NINO lifting Stormbreaker as if the little idiot is the least bit worthy of accomplishing such a feat.  The Beta Ray Bill fans should be offended – and I hope they respond by boycotting this issue and this series.  Everything NINO does proves he’s not worthy of his uniform or to lift Stormbreaker.  He treats life and death issues with all the seriousness of a video game.  He makes stupid mistakes that hurt and endanger people.  He has no respect for education or his elders.  The little idiot rides a skateboard around his little cow town and has no real fighting skills when he’s out of uniform.  What makes this so “cool,” Bonso?  I don’t see it.  It sounds lame.  It is lame.  You’re out of touch, Bonso.  Get out of the way and take Bendis, Loeb, and Duggan with you.  Cancel NINO.  Then let truly talented cosmic writers resurrect the better cosmic that existed before you came along.

It gets worse.

Inside the issue, Duggan produces a plot and dialogue worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon aimed at 5-year-olds.  NINO unbelievably bests a more experienced and better armed opponent; then screws up in disarming him.  Dumb.  Implausible.  He then “High-5’s” BRB (eye roll).  Then he tracks down the lame, hen-pecked bounty hunter who easily bested him a few (sad and atrocious) issues ago, has a totally uninteresting negotiation session with him, and then in sexist fashion both NINO and the bounty hunter are shown shaking in their boots in reaction to the bounty hunter’s shrewish wife.  So where’d you get that sexist plot element, Duggan?  Perhaps a late 1950’s or early 1960’s network situation comedy? How original of you.

The art and coloring have long been the only saving graces of NINO.  They’re certainly acceptable, but nothing to rave about by any stretch. 

In short, the only saving grace of this book is that it takes about 5 torturous minutes to read.  At least the pain is over quickly.

I did like one single line in this issue.  Cosmo has had enough of NINO’s idiocy and says, “I miss the old Nova.”  So do I, Cosmo.  So do all of us long-term fans of the one and only true human Nova, Rich Rider.  Nix NINO!  Bring back Rich Rider and The Nova Corps!  

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Prelude Infinite Comic

Rejoice my friends and all hail the antithesis of Bendis!

Hey Bendis – you paying attention? Ignore all the Marvel hype about you and attend DnA’s master class about how to write a good cosmic comic book. Same to you, Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso“).

Mind you – this is not the Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy Volume II. Nor is it any other Gamora comic book incarnation – especially (Blessedly! Thankfully!) not the Bendis-fied cardboard cut-out GotGINO version of Gamora wearing the trademark GotGINO cheap Japanese anime “costume.” This is the Marvel Cinematic Universe version of Gamora, and for the first time since Bonso decided to fire DnA for DnA’s success in creating an innovative new property that defined itself by defying super-hero cliches, I feel like we have a Gamora that is finally back in recognizable character. If this book is any indication of the quality of the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy movie, we have a great deal to look forward to when the movie is released this fall.

DnA’s Guardians of the Galaxy was basically a science-fiction version of The Dirty Dozen. It was para-military science-fiction which respected the characters, gave each a defining role and voice, and took the subject matter seriously. The characters were not meta-humans, but were instead characters who possessed abilities greater than those of humans because of having evolved on planets other than Earth. In other words, it was respectable science-fiction, and while it represented a change for the characters/concept – it was a change for the better. In contrast, Bendis and Bonso deliberately decided to simultaneously super-hero up and dumb down the team. GotGINO abounds with super-hero team cliches, the characters have lost their defining roles/voices and have been reduced to generic and interchangeable roles/voices just like any Avengers or X team you care to name, and perhaps most egregiously – the entire concept has been reduced to the level of farce with Rocket and Groot just around to shout catch-phrases, make lame jokes, and perform “zany antics” which would be right at home in any Looney Tunes cartoon. DnA created a powerful team full of interesting characters who were capable of addressing universal threats. Bendis and Bonso reduced said team to a sad, 3rd-rate, Avengers-wanna-be team that is a shadow of its former self and deliberately portrayed as weaker than and subordinate to any of the (way too many) Avengers or X Teams you care to name. DnA talked up to their readers. Bendis and Bonso talk down to theirs. DnA’s version was a change for the better. Bendis‘ and Bonso’s version is a change for the worse.

I’m happy to say the the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Gamora draws her inspiration from DnA’s portrayal. In this prequel to the upcoming movie, we’re introduced to Gamora shortly after the events portrayed in the Thor: The Dark World teaser for Guardians of the Galaxy involving Sif and Volstagg delivering an Infinity Stone to The Collector. It seems The Collector has in mind collecting all the Infinity objects, and he manipulates Gamora into begrudgingly helping him. Along the way, Gamora, dressed (thankfully) in clothes reminiscent of her Volume II portrayal, proves exactly why she deserves the title of “The Most Dangerous Woman in the Galaxy.” At the end, we get a glimpse of Star-Lord, Yondu, Ronan, Rocket, Groot, and Thanos as portrayed in the upcoming movie to complete the whetting of our appetite for the movie.

Andrea DiVito returns to cosmic for this book, and his art is truly magnificent to behold. I’ve missed seeing his work, and his return is truly welcome. Villari turns in a great job on coloring.

If I had one criticism of this book it would be that it ended way too quickly. I was left really wanting more – and that’s a drastic and welcome departure from my reaction to each new issue of Bendis‘ GotGINO. Pick this book up and get your Bendis Antithesis today!

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians Of The Galaxy #13 (Bendis)

Yawn.

This issue of X-Men……er……..I mean, GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only), is one enormous anti-climax (in every sense of the word) with a few lame jokes thrown in along the way.  And that about sums it up.  Seriously.  All that build-up, and then it’s over in a few panels after a minor scuffle and teenage Cyclops throwing around a few threats that he couldn’t possibly back up in his wildest dreams or at his most powerful. Plus, it’s so slow-paced and boring that if it could be bottled, it would be a miracle cure for insomnia.  For the life of me I can’t see why this crime against the Guardians of the Galaxy’s good name continues to sell well enough to keep it afloat.  Has to be the movie hype.  If Gunn and Feige are keeping track of the downward spiral this book is on in terms of writing, they have to be pulling out their hair in worry over a soured audience leading up to the movie’s premiere.

This issue epitomizes everything that’s wrong with Bendis’, Loeb’s/Duggan’s, Brevoort’s, and Alonso’s Marvel “Pseudo-Cosmic” Universe.  Under DnA, the Guardians were big players in an enormous truly cosmic universe.  Under Bendis/Brevoort et al, the Guardians are insignificant players in a tiny Earth-centric pseudo-to-non-cosmic “universe.” 

Case in point: This issue would have read exactly the same if the Guardians hadn’t appeared in a single panel.  They were incidental, throw-away, supporting characters to the X-Men.  The Guardians of the Galaxy really didn’t contribute anything important to the story.  In the single brief and boring fight, Rocket is used in cliché manner – just there to tote a big gun and talk some smack.  In the denouement, Rocket and Groot are used as the butt of some extraordinarily lame jokes that made me cringe and roll my eyes at the same time (i.e.  Groot attempts to put the moves on some non-sentient Earth trees; Rocket yells at some non-sentient Earth raccoons to “Put on some krutacking pants!”).  Basically, Bendis keeps Rocket and Groot around simply to provide lame comic relief and a chance to push Bendis’ made-up curse word, and both come across looking like idiots. Also in the denouement, Starlord – resplendent in his cheap-Japanese-anime-inspired “costume” (which he apparently stole from a Battle of the Planets character) – awkwardly (creepily – considering their true age difference) hits on Kitty Pryde.   The rest is all X-Men character development mixed with a bunch of smarmily sentimental dialogue flying back and forth between X-characters.  Totally boring unless you care about the X-characters, and nearly totally boring even if you do care about the X-characters. 

You want to know why I call Bendis’ take GotGINO?  Just read this issue.  It’s got Guardians of the Galaxy smeared across the cover – but inside it’s anything but GotG.  In the “pseudo-cosmic” universe of Bendis/Brevoort/Loeb/Alonso, only the Marvel big-seller headliner characters are important.  Everyone else is just a supporting character.  Bendis pretty much tells you in how much esteem he holds the cosmic characters when he has the Guardians of the Galaxy make only cameo appearances in their own book!

You know what else really bothers me about the pseudo-cosmic universe created by Bendis, Brevoort, Loeb, Duggan, and Alonso?   They think any cosmic character is inherently funny just because they are space-centric – and that’s the mark of silly, campy, BAD storytelling in general and bad “cosmic” or “science-fiction/fantasy” in particular.  They want to turn Guardians of the Galaxy into a space farce – simply because the characters live and work in space.  They take a Norse God, a WWII super-soldier, a billionaire inventor, and mutants who shoot destructive energy beams out of their eyes (where does that kind of energy come from anyway?) totally seriously and give them heavy dramatic stories.  But if it’s an alien that looks like a tree, and in the past has been portrayed as both highly intelligent and a magnificent warrior, they reduce him to idiot level and have him try to bang a real tree for some cheap laughs from the imagination-challenged zombies who are so far gone that they actually think Bendis’ GotGINO run is worthwhile.   If it’s a humanoid cosmic character (e.g. Starlord), they have said character act like an idiotic, bumbling nerd who couldn’t get laid on a bet.  Tell me – would anyone be celebrating Captain America: The Winter Soldier nowadays if it had been written and played like the 1960’s Batman TV series? A campy farce deliberately making fun of comic books?  I think not.  That day has long passed, and it passed quickly even back in the 60’s.  So why, Brevoort/Bendis/Duggan/Loeb/Alonso/Young, are you reducing cosmic to the level of farce now?  Why?  Because – as I’ve said from the start – none of them understand science-fiction/science-fantasy.

The art and coloring are certainly acceptable – nothing to write home about.  The art and coloring have always been the best parts of the Bendis/Brevoort/Loeb/Duggan/Alonso/Young pseudo-cosmic universe – but I liken it to putting lipstick on a pig.  It makes the pig look a little better, but you still don’t want to kiss it. Unless, of course, you’re an imagination-challenged zombie and/or you’re Bendis/Brevoort/Loeb/Duggan/Alonso/Wacker/Young – in which case you’re first in line at that kissing booth.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Nova #15 (Duggan)

And the foolishness continues.

Duggan has been writing Deadpool so long that he’s forgotten how to write anything else (if he ever could write anything else in the first place).  This issue of NINO is just silly, campy, DUMB child-oriented fantasy at its absolute worst.

I think about so many titles that were so much better than this garbage – Agents of Atlas, Young Allies, Incredible Hercules – (not to mention Volume II of Guardians of the Galaxy and Volume IV of Nova) – and Marvel keeps this trash on life support?  There’s something in the works we don’t know about at this point.

We do know that Bendis is going to write the fate of Rich Rider as part of his GotGINO tie-ins to Original Sin.  That ought to be about as enjoyable as a combined root canal and colonoscopy.  There’s one thing we can count on:  with Bendis, Brevoort, Alonso, Loeb, Wacker, and Duggan having anything to do with it, Rich definitely won’t be returning – at least not in any way any Rider Nova fan will find satisfying.  The Marvel Clown Car drivers are determined to cram NINO down our throats.  If you’re still buying NINO, you’re just making it easier for them.

Anyway, in this issue NINO continues to bumble his way through the situation somehow using powers he’s never been trained to use in heavy combat situations to best THREE rogue Spaceknights. Yeah. That’s plausible.  He then takes a break to attend school. Yeah. That’s plausible, too.  At school, he sleeps through class (great message to the kiddies at whom this book is aimed), and then agrees with his science teacher that there are no aliens.  I guess that teacher slept through Bendis’ Secret Invasion?  Come to think of it, I did, too, after I got bored with counting all the alien invasion movie concepts Bendis ripped-off while writing that utterly derivative and boring “event.”

Next issue’s cover features the little idiot lifting Stormbreaker.  NINO isn’t worthy of the uniform he’s usurped – and Marvel wants to portray him as worthy enough to lift Stormbreaker, too?  Yeah – you’ve pretty much got to have the mentality of an 8-year-old to buy into the entire concept of NINO.  I find myself rooting for the villains in every issue.  I’d rejoice if one of them killed the little idiot.

The funny thing is that Duggan et al just keep doubling-down on everything that isn’t working despite falling sales that should be telling them that the NINO concept has been soundly rejected.  Nix NINO, and bring back a Rider Nova book aimed at adult readers is the message Brevoort and Alonso are deliberately ignoring to push the worthlessness that is NINO.

The art and coloring are certainly acceptable; though I found portraying Cosmo to be morbidly obese a bit off-putting.  But, again, that’s just a single off-putting example of a book filled to the brim with off-putting bastardizations and ret-cons of the much better true cosmic that preceded it written by actual talented cosmic writers such as Giffen and DnA.  Marvel’s strategy of firing the talented writers and bringing in the hacks has worked wonders for cosmic hasn’t it?  Good job Alonso and Brevoort.

So buckle-up Rider Nova fans.  Unfortunately it’s been bad – but the worst is yet to come.  Marvel isn’t through insulting, disrespecting, and underestimating us.  They’ve commissioned Bendis to deal the death blow.  They think we’re too few in number to matter, and that we’ll eventually just give up and/or fade away – and they want to hurry that process along with Bendis writing Rich’s ultimate dire fate.  Let’s prove them wrong.  Join me in continuing to boycott NINO.  Boycott Original Sin and GotGINO, too.  Marvel needs to be punished in the only manner they understand – monetarily – for their “original sin” of running cosmic into the ground and disrespecting/insulting/underestimating cosmic fans in general and the Rider Nova fans in particular.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Nova #14 (Duggan)

It’s faint praise but this issue is probably the best of the worst thus far.

I say that only because Duggan mangles the Nova Corps mythos a tad less than usual, and of course, because Rich Rider and Cosmo make cameo appearances.  Also, Knowhere is back to being portrayed as a Celestial head floating in the Big Rip rather than Bendis’ recent portrayal of it as a desert planet in a binary system (ripping off Star Wars’ Tatooine).  Otherwise, this issue is yet another completely forgettable waste of time, money, and paper.

NINO himself remains an obnoxious and thoroughly unlikable disgrace to the Nova Corps uniform and legacy.  As usual, he bumbles his way through situations – implausibly and unbelievably utilizing powers he’s never been trained to use during heavy combat situations that he’s never been formally trained to manage.  And, as usual, the cute sugary coating that overlies this intelligence-insulting series fairly oozes off each page threatening to send even non-diabetic readers into a hyperglycemia-induced coma.  They’re just desperate to turn this tripe into a Disney kiddie movie aren’t they?

That’s one of the things that bothers me most about this despicable series.  It isn’t enough that Loeb, Alonso, Brevoort, and Duggan disrespect and insult true long-term Rider Nova fans by replacing him with an annoying child, they also insist on dumbing down the storylines and concepts to pre-teen level.

Continuing Bendis’ wrong-headed ret-conning of Knowhere into an alternate universe version of Tatooine’s Mos Eisley spaceport, Duggan lifts the Han Solo vs Greedo bar scene right out of Star Wars Episode IV.   Hey Duggan – have you ever actually read a science-fiction novel?  Or does your total understanding of cosmic (like Bendis’) come from being a casual Star Wars fan?  It sure seems like the latter. 

Here’s the main difference between DnA’s Nova/GotG and Loeb’s-Duggan’s NINO/Bendis’ GotGINODnA’s work read like a well-written science-fiction novel that respected readers’ adult mentality, and Loeb’s-Duggan’s NINO/Bendis’ GotGINO read like comic books aimed at children and/or zombies who’ll buy anything.  It’s the difference between DnA’s entertaining, intriguing, imaginative, original, high- quality work that respects the characters and fans, and Loeb’s/Bendis’/Duggan’s pedestrian, forgettable, un-imaginative, derivative, hackneyed trash which disrespects the characters and fans.

In an obvious attempt to “throw a bone” to Rider Nova fans, Duggan et al includes a cameo flashback of Rich Rider coming to BRB’s rescue in a heretofore unknown meeting between BRB and Rich.  Surprisingly, Rich is treated with respect (for a change) by this (so-called) “creative” team.  I suppose this appearance is supposed to satisfy us and make us shut up about Marvel’s shabby treatment of the Rider Nova character and the Rider Nova fans?  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  You’re going to have to do much better than that Marvel Editors.

It was nice to see Cosmo again, but of course Duggan can’t resist turning him into a joke character, and, of course, NINO is completely disrespectful to Cosmo.  That’s another of the reasons I just can’t stand the little “idiot” that is the NINO character.  NINO – much like his patrons on Marvel’s editorial staff – simply doesn’t realize how inferior he is not only to his predecessor whose title he usurped, but to all the other cosmic characters with whom he interacts.

The art and coloring in this issue are certainly acceptable, but they aren’t enough to justify investing one red cent in this series.  If you’re a true cosmic fan and a true fan of Rider Nova, the best thing you can do is leave this trash on the shelf.  If we all continue the boycott of Loeb’s/Marvel’s callous insult to true Rider Nova fandom maybe we’ll be rewarded with the phrase, “Final Issue,” smeared across the cover before issue #20 of NINO hits the shelves.  Better no Nova than NINO.

Nix NINO!

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Guardians Of The Galaxy #12

Just when I thought GotGINO couldn’t get any worse, Bendis steps up and pushes it down to rock bottom.

It’s very clear that Bendis doesn’t have any idea how to write cosmic in general and Star-Lord, Rocket, Groot, Drax, and Gamora in particular.  The Guardians are really just used as generic supporting characters for the X-Men – just as they’ve been used as generic supporting characters for the Avengers in several past issues.

With the exception of Rocket – whose rendering leaves much to be desired – Pichelli, Immonen, and Ponsor give us some pretty, colorful pictures that resemble the Guardians of the Galaxy of old (even though I still resent Star-Lord being de-aged by about 10 years).  Unfortunately, Bendis has extracted the heart and soul of the team.  It’s the perfect American product – all style and no substance.  It’s sad really.  Volume II of this book had the style and substance of greatness – but Alonso, Brevoort, and Bendis threw that away in favor of a “Guardians of the Galaxy in Name Only” Volume III made to appeal to children and Avenger-zombies/X-zombies with the mentality of children.  Unfortunately their strategy worked in terms of sales as the zombies keep buying it – so, sadly, we’re in for a lot more of this GotGINO because the exact wrong message is being sent to Marvel.  To them, the sales figures say that this is what comics buyers really want.  I say – it’s apparently what the zombies want – including the handful of cosmic-zombies who’ll buy anything with Guardians of the Galaxy smeared across the cover.  It isn’t what the true cosmic fans want.  Let’s hope that Bendis has to give GotG up to focus on Star Wars now that Marvel will be taking over that franchise.   When he turns Star Wars into SWINO, that enormous group of fans will give him the (figurative) tarring and feathering he deserves for crimes perpetrated against cosmic.

Pretty much nothing happens in this issue except for Scott Summers and Star-Lord’s catharsis about their daddy issues.  What is this obsession with daddy issues?  Are you trying to work something out for yourself Bendis?  If so, please take it up with your analyst and stop inflicting it on the rest of us.  Invite Loeb, Alonso, Wacker, and Brevoort along.  Maybe you can get a group discount.

Of course, more characters return from the dead with no explanation as to how.  Yes – I’m talking Corsair and the Starjammers.  Don’t get me wrong – I ‘m happy to see the Starjammers alive and well.  They and Magik are really the only X-characters I care much about.  I just resent every dead cosmic character being inexplicably resurrected EXCEPT Rich Rider and, of course, Mar-Vell, Genis-Vell, and Phyla-Vell.  Apparently – if you’re a cosmic character and there’s more than one “R” or one “L” in your name, Marvel has some sort of rule stating that you can’t be resurrected.  Not that I want Bendis to have anything to do with resurrecting Rider or any of the Vell’s.  But I would like to see a truly capable cosmic writer (e.g.  DnA, Starlin, Giffen) tell those stories.

Save your money on this one guys.  The GotGINO barely appear in their own book – and when they do they don’t do anything of consequence.  They’re really just Butlers for the A-list X-characters.  Besides, this one is a snooze-fest even by Bendis standards.

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Comic Book News Marvel

Review: Nova #13 (Duggan)

As Beta Ray Bill said to NINO, “If you are Nova then you are a disgrace to all those who came before you!”  I could stop writing this review right now and leave it to BRB’s assessment because truer words have never been spoken, and that pretty much sums up not only this issue – but this whole series.  Thank you Mr. Duggan for some rare honesty about NINO on the part of Marvel Comics.  NINO is a disgrace to the uniform and legacy of The Nova Corps.

Duggan continues the NINO trademark of silly, intelligence-insultingly implausible storylines about the inexperienced, untrained idiot, NINO, somehow bumbling his way through situations and even besting a true, highly-experienced, and ultra-powerful hero like BRB.  After you’ve finished joining me in an eye-roll over that astoundingly stupid story element aimed squarely at 8-year-old boys.  Rest your eyes for another eye-roll as NINO’s mother proves once again how unfit she is to parent by sending the minor child, NINO, off to space to risk his life in the company of an alien she’s just met and reacted to with terror.  I guess she’d send NINO over to Neverland Ranch for a sleep over if MJ was still alive. Unbelievable.  Somebody please call Child Protective Services and have her children removed from her custody.  It’s also unbelievable that BRB would invite a minor child to accompany him on a life-threatening combat mission.  BRB is better than that.

But why should any of this surprise us?  It’s not like Brevoort, Alonso, Bendis, and Loeb set out to create a quality product.  They had that with Volume IV and threw it away in favor of this puerile trash.

On the positive side, the art is certainly acceptable and Curiel’s colors are eye-catching.  However, you can find great art plus great writing with other better true cosmic books that actually respect their readers, talk up to their readers, and seek to cultivate their relationship with long-term fans.  I’m talking Invincible or any of the Warlord of Mars books.

Marvel is trying to milk BRB fandom to stop the rapidly falling sales of NINO by guest starring BRB for the next several issues.  Don’t be fooled BRB fans. BRB fans are sure to be disappointed with the shabby treatment given BRB in this book.  One of the variant covers for #16 shows NINO lifting Stormbreaker. As if the little idiot is worthy.  So, BRB fans, show your displeasure and leave this one on the shelf.  Reading it will just piss you off anyway.

It’s clear that Duggan simply needs to go back to writing Deadpool and leave cosmic alone in the future.  In the meantime, he’ll do just fine to usher in the well-deserved end of NINO.  Sales have dropped well under 30K, and New Warriors has debuted to thunderously under-whelming reviews and general indifference.  If we’re lucky, NINO will be gone before issue #20 and NeWINO before issue #10.  Let’s continue the boycott and hasten the little idiot’s demise.

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Comic Book News

Op-Ed: Nova: The Turning Point; Richard Rider The New “Death of Captain Marvel”

The Cosmic Triune

An Opinion-Editorial

Nova:  The Turning Point

 

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The Death of Captain Marvel is definitely among the best and most poignant of comic book stories ever told.  However, it has over time been elevated to “sacrosanct and immutable” status by Marvel’s senior editorial staff.   “Mar-Vell dead” has replaced “Bucky dead” (for obvious reasons) as a term meaning that a character is dead and will be prevented from returning to life only due to editorial intransigence.  I would argue that Mar-Vell’s death story doesn’t deserve “sacrosanct and immutable” status, but that’s a subject for a future op-ed.

In this op-ed, I will address the recent announcement by Marvel Vice-President, Tom Brevoort, that current GotGINO writer, Brian Bendis, will be addressing a sore spot among cosmic fans: how Star-Lord and Thanos escaped the Cancerverse while the true Nova, Rich Rider, somehow didn’t.

As all true Rider Nova fans and true cosmic fans know, Rich Rider wasn’t really killed at the culmination of The Thanos Imperative.  Nova (Volume IV) writers, Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, have been very clear in stating that they didn’t kill Rich – just merely put him in limbo until they could bring him back and continue his story when his ongoing series was taken off of “hiatus” by Marvel’s editorial staff. Of course, DnA’s Nova (Volume IV) and Guardians of the Galaxy (Volume II) – considered by most cosmic fans as the definitive and penultimate volumes of both series – never got the opportunity to return from hiatus.  As recounted by Marvel President Axel Alonso, it was decided to reboot both series with new writers (Loeb for Nova and Bendis for GotG) in an attempt to integrate Marvel Cosmic into the Marvel Earth universe and make cosmic more accessible to the typical comic book buyer.  As we all know, Alonso succeeded – and ruined both concepts in the process.

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Loeb’s Nova (Volume V) has earned the name, “Nova in Name Only” (i.e. NINO), as the mature and ultra-powerful leader of men, Rich Rider, was suddenly said to have been killed at the end of The Thanos Imperative and replaced by an annoying 14-year-old child bumbling his way through pedestrian “adventures” on Earth in a blatant, creatively bankrupt attempt to re-package yesteryear’s teen Peter Parker for today’s pre-pubescent audience.  In other words, Rich was “killed” via editorial fiat to make room for NINO.  NINO has not been well received, has experienced steadily falling sales, and has earned the ire of long-term fans of the true Nova, Rich Rider.  Likewise, Bendis’ Guardians of the Galaxy (Volume III), termed GotGINO by many fans, has replaced the awe and wonder of the cosmos with a pedestrian, Seinfeld-ish version of GotG – literally a “comic about nothing.”  Whereas DnA’s version of GotG had interesting characters with distinct personalities single-handedly taking on universal threats, Bendis has reduced the characters to generic personalities shouting catch phrases or making lame jokes while bumbling their way through barely defending only minor threats to Earth that are beneath the notice of the Avengers.  Bendis’ GotG are essentially third-string errand boys for the Avengers.  How the mighty have fallen.

Given the hack-job perpetrated against cosmic as described above, Rider Nova fans are understandably concerned about a Bendis-written and Brevoort/Alonso overseen account of what happened to Rich after the events of The Thanos Imperative when he was last seen marooned in the Cancerverse with Star-Lord and Thanos.

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The smart thing for Marvel to do would be to see this for the turning point that it is, and take the opportunity to mend fences with the Rider Nova fans (aka – potential paying customers in a comic book environment of falling sales and increasing competition) by bringing Rich back to be the powerful and mature Nova Prime of the cosmos busy doing what he should be doing – resurrecting Xandar.  Since Dan Abnett is going to be back writing for Marvel, let him write the story of Rich’s return as he originally intended.  To placate the small group of NINO fans and Marvel’s desperation to make NINO the only Nova on Earth, Rich never again has to set foot on Earth.  Earth can be left to the little twit, NINO, as far as I’m concerned.  NINO won’t make it to issue #20, the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon will be over in 3 seasons, and New Warriors in Name Only (NeWINO) will be DOA despite Marvel’s desperation to make NINO work – so we’ll hopefully see the last of NINO soon if natural selection is allowed to prevail.

But, as already demonstrated by Marvel’s current leadership, we can’t count on them to do the smart thing with cosmic or with the Rider Nova character, and they apparently don’t care about cultivating their relationship with Rider Nova fans.  Given their desperation to make NINO work, the open hostility that members of Marvel’s editorial staff have publicly displayed against any Rider Nova fan publicly objecting to the disrespect Marvel has shown to Rider Nova fans, and Marvel’s consistent message to us, to just “shut up and buy NINO or they’ll be no ‘Nova’ at all.” It doesn’t take a weatherman to see which way this wind is blowing.  Bendis is going to write a story making Rich Rider “Mar-Vell dead” in order to cement NINO in place forevermore.

Let’s stop that from happening by accelerating the process of natural selection in regard to NINO.  NINO needs to be a demonstrated failure so there will be no temptation to make Rich “Mar-Vell dead.” Since all Marvel understands and respects is dollars, the message is going to have to be sent via that route.  I know some think the “collaborator” approach is the best way.  That is, some think that supporting NINO will bring Rich back.  Nope.  Buying NINO and GotGINO will only get you more NINO and GotGINO.  Sometimes you’ve got to burn the village to save it.  If you’re still buying NINO, stop immediately.  And don’t buy NeWINO either since it features NINO.  Stop watching the USM cartoon and if you’ve set your DVR to record it – stop that immediately to help drive ratings down.  Don’t buy any NINO merchandise.   Spoil Bendis’ intention to make Rich “Mar-Vell dead” by talking about it on every forum you visit.  Then go to Bendis’ Tumblr page or twitter feed, Brevoort’s Tumblr page or twitter feed, and Alonso’s twitter feed and tell them about your displeasure with NINO, and why you’re not buying their products.  Make it clear that the same thing will happen to GotGINO if Bendis kills off Rich Rider.  That makes more of a difference than you think – and even if they don’t publish it, they still read it.  Make them understand why their choices about cosmic are losing them customers (i.e.  money).  And even if this strategy doesn’t bring Rich Rider back, it’ll at least sink NINO.  As I’ve always said, better no Nova than NINO.

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