Author name: timelord

This one belongs on the shelf right next to My Little Pony so all the 8-year-old girls can get a copy.  Really – IT IS THAT BAD.  How any self-respecting, mentally-competent adult male can continue to buy this trash and visit comic book forums to insist that it is a good concept is beyond all reasonable understanding.  Of course, the zombies who insist on defending this trash mostly congregate at shill sites like CBR and freely admit that they’ve actively avoided reading good cosmic, so that speaks for itself.

The art has long been the ONLY saving grace of this book.  No so this time.  It is “god-awful” to say the least.  Painfully bad on the eye.  Amateurish.  Curiel does the best he can coloring, but he doesn’t have much to work with, and it shows.

Duggan reaches a new low with this issue that features NINO going trick or treating with the X-Kids, and all of them using their super-powers to bully some non-super-powered teens who are stealing candy from youngsters.  Really, Duggan?  That’s your story?  Pathetic.  I’ve seen Scooby-Doo episodes which were better written.  Do everyone a favor and stick to writing Deadpool.  You’re not a cosmic writer.  Or better yet, stay with NINO – because stories like this are bound to send sales through the floor and end with NINO’s well-deserved cancellation.

Just as I predicted, in a The Guns of Will Sonnet rip-off, Duggan writes Jesse “just missing” connecting with his family via telepathic link.  I bet there’s a lot more of those near misses where this one came from.  That type of plot element gets old fast.  Hey Duggan, even in The Guns of Will Sonnet the grand-father and grand-son searching for James found him before the end of the first season.

Of course, at the end of this issue, Cap telephones NINO’s mom and asks her to send NINO out to help the Avengers.  And she does with her blessing.  Really?  So Cap is an irresponsible idiot just like NINO’s mom, huh?  Inviting an un-trained, irresponsible minor with powers of mass destruction out on a mission?  Preposterous.  Stupid.  Intelligence-insultingly implausible.  Not to mention, immoral to send a minor child into combat.  Cap must be demented – because he should know better than to so endanger not only a child, but also the mission and the public he is sworn to protect.

And those still buying and supporting this puerile trash in any way should know better, too.  Especially if you’re a fan of the true Nova, Rich Rider.   Join the rest of us in boycotting NINO.  Let’s send Marvel a clear message that enough is enough and send into cancellation this ongoing insult to cosmic in general and the Nova concepts and legacy in particular.

There is very little right with this book, but one of the major things wrong with it is that it tries way too hard to be Spiderman – and always falls short.  When NINO goes to the Principal’s office, you halfway expect J. Jonah Jameson to be behind the desk yelling, “Parrrrrkerrrrr!”  That sort of thing was priceless back in Spidey’s original heyday.  Now, it’s just hackneyed.

Giffen and later, DnA, rightly realized that the Spiderman riff never really worked for Rider Nova and instead created a complex, powerful, and interesting character in their reboot.  Leave it to the creative bankruptcy of Loeb, Duggan, Brevoort, Alonso, and Bendis to run as fast as they can in the opposite direction of Giffen’s innovation and for their reboot shovel out the trite, puerile, nonsense that is NINO.

The hilarious thing is that despite Brevoort and Alonso shoe-horning NINO into everything they possibly can and trying to make NINO a headliner – NINO still scrapes the bottom of the sales list – coming in at the low end of the top 100 or outside of the top 100 altogether most months.  Buyers are staying away in droves despite having NINO constantly shoved in their faces. That bespeaks a weak character and a weak concept – and issue #21 is just icing on the weak cake.

Loeb, by his own admission, created a weak character and concept.  Loeb said he wanted NINO to be an “idiot.”  He certainly succeeded.  In this issue, NINO finally gets around to going after his dad.  His unfit parent of a mother allows him to skip school to do it.  Hey, Duggan – fine message to the kiddies about the importance of education.  

Duggan slathers on more weak sauce when he expects us to believe an advanced civilization with advanced technology would be fooled by a Trojan Horse trick, and NINO could just fly into a high security area, beat up all the more powerful adults, and then fly away unscathed.  As usual, I was rooting for the logical outcome of such a scenario – with the adults winning and killing the little idiot.  Alas – I was disappointed yet again with NINO improbably just flying away, and Duggan setting up a storyline reminiscent of The Guns of Will Sonnett where Jesse will be off aimlessly wandering through the cosmos with NINO always just missing crossing paths with him.  

Weak.  Insipidly sentimental.  Hackneyed.  It’s Duggan’s, Brevoort’s, Alonso’s, Loeb’s way of keeping NINO the teen-idiot-Spider-man-ish-Lone-Ranger without any competition from the much more interesting adult, Jesse, and the vastly superior concept, Giffen’s rebooted Rider Nova.  That is to say, if Jesse was brought back to active duty it would be the same as if Rich Rider was brought back – fan interest would shift to the more interesting adult character, and Loeb’s NINO would deservedly be reduced to the silly teen side-kick that he is and mercifully fade away.  That’s why Duggan et al will never let the adults play a more active role in this book other than to be more stupid than NINO.

In terms of art/coloring – I suppose the best was done with the material given to work with – but NINO continues to look ridiculous wearing a military uniform. He looks like a kid playing dress up with his dad’s uniform. And let’s face it, he is.  At one point he refers to himself as “The Last Nova.”  Nah.  Never.  Jesse was derelict. The last true Nova was Rich Rider.  Idiot Sam was never inducted into the Corps, is not empowered by a higher authority to enforce pan-galactic law, and has never been trained to be a Nova. How could Sam the idiot be anything but a “Nova in Name Only?”  

So leave this sad degradation of the once great Marvel Cosmic concepts on the shelf of your local comic shop and join the fans of the true Nova, Rich Rider, in their boycott.  A few thousand less buyers and NINO will be in the dustbin where he belongs.

Marvel Vice-President, Tom Brevoort, agreed to grant this independent reporter an interview over breakfast under the condition that I pick up the tab.  He asked me to meet him at a McDonalds just off Times Square.  I entered the restaurant and saw him sitting by himself in a booth wearing his signature brown hat and duster.

TL:   Good morning, Mr. Brevoort.

Brevoort:  [looks TL up and down]   I thought you’d be taller.

TL:  I’m 6 feet tall.

Brevoort:  [motioning to a restaurant employee approaching with a platter full of Egg McMuffins and hash browns]  Pony up, son!

TL:  [hands the waitress a credit card]  I don’t think I’ve ever spent $80 at a McDonalds before.

Brevoort:  [hands TL one Egg McMuffin and one hashbrown; keeps the rest for himself]  Really?  I have.  Regularly.

TL:  I’m a little surprised you granted me this interview.  I mean, given that we’ve had a pretty contentious set of exchanges in the past.

Brevoort:  Wilth, Shceeber culdnt bay tady.

TL:  Excuse me?

Brevoort:  [swallows mouthful of Egg McMuffin]  Well, CBR couldn’t buy today.

TL:  Of course.

TL:  I just finished reading NINO #20 and I wanted to get your reaction to some of my observations about NINO in general and this issue in particular.

Brevoort:  [rolls eyes]  Again with the NINO stuff?  Really?  He’s ‘Nova’ because I made him Nova.  There’s no ‘In Name Only’ to it.  Take it or leave it.  I replaced Rider with Sam; and it’s Sam or nothing.

TL:  I know that’s you position, and I’m glad you brought it up because that was going to be one of my questions.  He’s never been inducted into the Corps by anyone empowered to do so, he doesn’t report to a higher authority, he’s had no training and is unfamiliar with any pan-galactic law granting the Corps law enforcement authority, he doesn’t live up to the ideals of the Corps, and even after issue #20 it’s not clear whether the so-called ‘Black Novas’ were criminals or eventually officially sanctioned.  He’s wearing his dad’s uniform and pretending to be a Nova.  How is he anything other than a Nova In Name Only?

Brevoort:  You cosmic fans think about stuff too much.  Look – we just want to sell books.  That’s what we do.  It doesn’t have to make sense.  The zombies will still buy it.  My advice to you and your little cosmic fan friends – just stop thinking and start buying.

TL:  In other words, become zombies.

Brevoort:   Sure.  Whatever.  [Drops some McMuffins into the pockets of his duster; puts a McMuffin and a hash brown under his hat].

TL:  So now I understand the outfit.

Brevoort:  Yeah – the coat has deep pockets for snacks and the hat traps heat to keep one warm for a mid-morning snack later.

TL:  What about the child soldier issue then.  You say forget logic and just go with it.  But, come on.  In this issue he skips school, almost dies from poisoning, and destroys the defenses at a military outpost that he should have protected.  In fact, why were the defenses activated against him anyway if he’s a real Nova as you claim?  Particularly since the computer recognized him as Jesse.  Furthermore, isn’t it poor parenting for both of his parents to encourage him to risk his life?  Isn’t it a poor example for him to skip school and to be disrespectful to teachers as he has in the past?  Aren’t you sending the wrong message to the 8-year-olds at whom this book is presumably aimed?

Brevoort:  [slowly finishes a hash brown before answering]  Bucky, Mulan, Katness, Arya Stark, Joan of Arc, etc.

TL:   Precedents?  Your argument is precedents?  Just because minors have risked their lives before in fiction and historical fact doesn’t make it morally right in reality or in fiction in the present.  And most of those weren’t encouraged to do so by their parents.  And presumably you’d like these 8-year-olds at whom this book is aimed to be able to read so they can continue to buy your products – so what’s with the disrespect for school and teachers?

Brevoort:  [motions to my untouched hash browns]  You gonna eat that?

TL:  It’s all yours.

Brevoort:  [finishes the hash brown; un-raps another McMuffin]  You do know this is fantasy, right?

TL:  Of course.  But shouldn’t it follow some internal logic?  Otherwise, it talks down to the reader.  Also, don’t you have a responsibility to send an appropriate message to the young readers you’re trying to capture?  Is glorifying using children as soldiers and deprecating education the right message?

Brevoort:  It’s selling above cancellation threshold, so the zombies like it well enough.  Like I said before…………

TL:  Stop thinking and start buying.

Brevoort:  [winks] Riiiiiight.  On to a more important topic.  Have you tried their new Peaches & Cream fried pies?

TL:  No.  But order away if you like.

Brevoort:  [waves at the employees to get their attention; Points at the fried pie rack and puts up 5 fingers]

TL:  Sorry, but I have to follow up because that unbridled Capitalism argument just doesn’t cut it.  What about the moral implications of using a child as a soldier?  You claim NINO is a real Nova just because you say so.   If he’s a real Nova, that makes him a soldier.  Rich was at least enlistment age when he was deputized.  NINO was 14 when he was first sent into battle with minimal training.  The entire world is now condemning use of children as combatants and as shields for combatants.  Why is Marvel/Disney glorifying it?

Brevoort:  Well maybe if this place would hire a few 8-year-olds, I could get my fried pies a little faster.  [yells at the front counter]  Hey!  Where’s my pies?

TL:  You can’t be serious.

Brevoort:  Like I said……….

TL:  Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort:  [winks]  Riiiiight.  [snatches a sack full of pies from a McD employee]  You don’t want one of these do you?

TL:  [hands credit card to McD employee]  All yours.

TL:  All right.  What about the weapon of mass destruction issue?  NINO is portrayed as an irresponsible minor.  He skips school, is disrespectful to teachers, he’s negligent in babysitting his sister allowing her to put on the ‘magic helmet’ and inadvertently do damage.  He’s portrayed as having at least Centurion level powers – essentially, the destructive powers of a tactical nuclear weapon.  How is it that all the adults in the Marvel Universe are just fine with him having enough power to level a city – yet being demonstrably irresponsible in its use?

Brevoort:  [stares with a mouthful of fried pie]  Haff yubn lstning?

TL:  Stop thinking, start buying.

Brevoort:  [swallows the pie] Right.  And speaking of buying, I’m getting a little thirsty. [motions at the shake machine and puts up 2 fingers]

TL:  Go for it.

TL:  Let’s move on to characterization.  In this issue, Rocket is written completely out of character as a thug who beats up a doctor who is only trying to help him.  Fans have also been upset by the writing out of character of most of the cosmic characters who have appeared in NINO’s book and in GotGINO.  Starstalker was recently written as a cowardly idiot.  Spaceknights have been written as buffoons.  Cosmo has been written completely out of character every time he has appeared.  And don’t get me started on the wreck Bendis has made of the GotG team.  Simple question.  Why?  And don’t tell me, ‘Stop thinking, start buying,’ if you want me to pay for those shakes.

Brevoort:  Look.  We understand how to sell comic books.  You don’t.  The zombies aren’t all that imaginative.  They have to have someone who’s relatable – you know, like a Norse God, a Billionaire Inventor, a World War II Soldier, a Canadian Guy with a metal skeleton and claws, a smart-ass mercenary who can’t be killed, a human with the powers of a spider, or a guy who turns into a giant green monster when he gets mad.  Anybody could relate to them, right?  But these space characters – now they are just weird!  Totally un-relatable in comparison!  I mean, who could relate to a weirdo like Star-Lord?  Now – a female version of Thor – that I can relate to in an instant.  Who couldn’t?  And why would anybody care about anything happening outside the surface of the Earth anyway?  We had to dumb down and camp up those weirdo cosmic characters – and also contrive some reason for them to be obsessed with Earth in order to get the zombies interested.  In the case of Sam, Loeb just wanted to create a character with a readymade fan base – and we didn’t think there were enough of you Rider fans to make much of a fuss if we replaced Rider.  In fact, we didn’t think you’d even notice and that you’d buy it anyway.  [motions to the approaching McD employee holding 2 shakes]  Now how about those shakes.

TL:  [hands the McD employee a credit card]  I think you’re under-estimating the intelligence of your readers.

Brevoort:  [belly laughs, spurting a mouthful of shake onto the table]  That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!

TL:  The art used to be the best part of the cosmic books.  Lately, it’s taken a turn for the worse.  NINO #20’s art was cartoonish.

Brevoort:  We have a saying.  Why pay for good art when the zombies will buy anything – and then take to the forums and insist the bad art is good!  [laughs, shakes his head]  Gotta love those zombies.

TL:  I must say that I’m feeling more discouraged about the future of cosmic than I did when I walked in the door.  In closing, can you give me any hope for a better future?

Brevoort:  Absolutely!  I have a better future planned beginning tonight!

TL:  Really?  Can you talk about it?

Brevoort:  Of course!  It’s ‘all you can eat steak night’ at The Golden Corral!  The future is looking pretty good to me right about now.  Care to join me tonight to finish this interview?  You pick up the tab, of course.

TL:  No, thanks.  I think we’ve just about covered everything we need to cover.

Note:  This continues the series of satirical/parody reviews of Marvel’s so-called Cosmic books.

I keep thinking NINO (Nova In Name Only) can’t get any worse.  And then, NINO defies my expectations and hits a new low point.  The NINO “Special” may “specially” occupy the space of worst NINO story to date.

There is not one saving grace in this issue.  The art is horrible – amateurishly cartoonish.   The coloring is horrible – dull, flat, and washed-out.  The writing is insultingly bad – worse than Loeb, Wells, and Duggan combined if you can believe it!

Marvel just can’t stop themselves from destroying everything DnA did to bring quality to cosmic storylines.  This time out, they take Monark Starstalker and turn him into a mewling, pathetic little wuss who screws up and has to ask for help from NINO.  Really?  NINO?  Asking for help from NINO?  Loeb’s idiot brainchild?  Why would anyone ask for help from NINO?  Especially a clever and tough android like Starstalker.  And then NINO does very little to help.  He pretty much just stands around and talks about why he can’t help.  And he’s ineffectual in the brief fight.  Pathetic.

To top it off, it really isn’t even a cosmic or NINO story – it’s an X-Men and Iron Man story.  So, once again, the cosmic characters are sent to the back of the bus, and the superhero headliner characters take over the book.  

This issue is proof positive of what I’ve been saying all along about NINO.  If you keep buying it – all you’ll get is more NINO, and it will just get worse.  

Please save your $4.99 and leave this trash on the shelf.  Marvel needs to be punished for this one. In fact, Marvel needs to be punished for producing NINO at all.  For those of you still buying NINO, and therefore shoveling more dirt on Rider’s grave, join the rest of us in the boycott.  Remove NINO from your pull list, cancel you digital subscription to NINO, boycott the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon and erase it from your DVR’s record list, remove New Warriors from your pull list or digital subscription, and above all – buy no NINO merchandise.  A few thousand less in sales and we can be rid of NINO forever.  

Nix NINO!

Long live Rich Rider!

For those just tuning in, this is the 19^th episode of coverage of the Nova hostage crisis.  To update new readers, 19 issues ago, the Nova concepts were taken hostage by a gang of Earthbound terrorists hostile to high quality cosmic storylines, continuity, and characterization.  These terrorists refer to themselves as “The A-Holes,” and their stated goals are to subvert cosmic’s underlying concepts, destroy cosmic’s uniqueness, and reduce cosmic to the generic, Earthbound-mediocrity of most super-hero-oriented comic books. Our UK Correspondent recently summed-up the goals of The A-Holes as: “producing a sterilized, diluted mockery of a once great genre.”

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In new developments, Propaganda Minister for the A-Holes, Garry Duggan, delivers yet another absurdly implausible story disrespectful of Nova continuity and established mythos.  He once again wrongly centers the source of each Corpsman’s powers in their helmets, impossibly subverts the Worldmind’s control over the Nova Force, and ridiculously portrays all Corpsmen as weak and incompetent – except of course, NINO.  He writes Rocket Raccoon out of character as a money-grubbing, trigger-happy, impulsive sociopath.  He continues to write NINO’s mother as an idiot unfit to raise children.  He ret-cons the fate of Robert Rider and the rest of Rich Rider’s Corpsmen (i.e. implies that they were killed in the Cancerverse battle). And of course, he immorally continues to glorify NINO’s status as a child soldier/combatant.  The art/coloring are acceptable but nothing to write home about.

In a coded communication intercepted by the NCSA (National Comics Security Agency), Propaganda Minister Duggan can be heard gleefully reporting to Cliché Minister Brevoort, “Yes sir!  Consistent with your orders, we’ve produced yet another issue that only brain-dead zombies could love.”  In response, Cliché Minister Brevoort can be heard to cackle in laughter saying, “Excellent!  Rather than innovate by creating brand new characters to appeal to children, females and racial minorities, we’ll continue the cowardly and creatively bankrupt policy of hi-jacking the names and powers of established characters and shoehorning new characters with the desired demographics into their roles.  It worked with Nova, Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, and Ultimate Spiderman; so why not Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man?   BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!  The brand-loyal zombies will buy anything!”  Schlock Minister Loeb and Hackney Minister Bendis can be heard giggling in the background of this communication.   As usual, Mediocrity Minister Alonso is silent and apparently absent from this meeting.

In an uplifting development, resistance to the A-Holes’ hi-jacking of the Nova concepts continues to grow with NINO’s sales steadily falling.  Resistance fighters have been shown to be immune to the zombie virus and have discovered a cure for the afflicted zombies.  The cure is to starve the problem source, The A-Holes.   Leave NINO and NeWINO (New Warriors In Name Only) on the shelf.

Cancel NINO from your pull list.  Cancel your DVR’s setting to record Ultimate Spiderman.  Buy no NINO merchandise.  Be a star! Join the resistance!  Nix NINO!

Sometimes a reboot of a concept surpasses the original.  That was the case for Nova Volume IV.  Most times, a reboot is inferior to the original.  That is the case with NINO.

The problem is that the major players in the NINO reboot (Alonso, Brevoort, Loeb, Bendis, and now Duggan) never liked, understood, cared about, or bothered to familiarize themselves with cosmic in general or the Nova mythos in particular.  Their past and present motivations appear to be to cash in on the expected surge in interest in cosmic once the Guardians of the Galaxy movie premieres and is the blockbuster everyone expects — and, in the case of NINO, to develop a “Spider-man-ish” character for which they own the movie rights.  Their lack of understanding and regard for cosmic shows in the decline in quality of cosmic under their leadership. Thankfully, the fans have resisted Marvel’s marketing flim-flam about NINO, and this total mess of a comic book is failing – down to 111^th in sales – with only 22K still buying.   I can’t wait to see the words, “Final Issue,” smeared across the cover in the near future.  It is way past time for NINO to go away and never be heard tell of again.

The 22K of high-camp, clichéd, teen antic/angst mediocrity lovers still buying NINO will call this the best issue of the series thus far.  I agree – it is the best of the worst – but that’s faint praise.  Bad concept equals dumb story cover-to-cover.  And the lack of regard for Nova mythos is on full display throughout.

Once again, NINO’s mother won’t be winning the “Mother of the Year” award.  She encourages her minor children to play with a weapon of mass destruction and stands idly by while NINO flies off to the edge of the universe to face mortal danger.  Honestly – I fully expect her to start leaving loaded weapons lying around the house.  And in a way she is – since in this silly re-boot of the Nova mythos the powers are stupidly portrayed as emanating from the helmets.  She piles up a heap of discarded helmets from fallen Corpsmen in her basement.  All that power centered right there won’t attract the attention of any villains and expose her family to further danger, will it?  Dumb.

And then the Avengers and Fantastic Four encourage NINO to risk his life fighting Mindless Ones.  Is every adult in the Marvel Universe an irresponsible, blithering idiot?

If I had one major criticism of Volume IV, it would’ve been that DnA portrayed Rich as underpowered.  Just the opposite with NINO.  Duggan portrays NINO as ultra-powered.  No way NINO tosses around Mindless Ones like that.

The end scene is especially egregious.  Remember that above-mentioned lack of regard for Nova mythos?  Jesse is portrayed with a Millennian helmet but wearing a Centurion Uniform (as is the Corpsman he guns down).  And since the Worldmind was presumably active at the time of that apparent crime – there’s no way he would get away with it as it would have been recorded in Worldmind archives.  Once again, the “creators” and “re-booters” borrow the look and general concepts without any understanding or regard for the history and mythos.

Of course, NINO has an existential angsty teen crisis when it looks like dear old dad is just another criminal thug.  And when Iron Man has a chance to be an adult and help – he just makes an off the cuff remark and walks away.  Now that’s heroic, isn’t it?  Sheesh.

NINO ends by saying he’ll never wear the helmet again.  If only that was true.  But it isn’t true and the little idiot will be back because Marvel is desperate to throw him in the face of every reader by making him part of every event and giving him special one-shots.  And Brevoort, with a straight face, is his typical disingenuous self when he says he gave Rich equivalent marketing hype.

It is now rumored that Rich Rider will make an appearance in the post-credit scene of the Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  Think about the resurgence in interest in Thanos after his post-credit scene.  He was brought back from the dead in very short order, wasn’t he?  So, if this rumor is true, it’s our best chance of getting Rich back and active in the Marvel Cosmic Universe.  NINO needs to be gone and forgotten by then – because if he’s still selling, the powers at Marvel will continue with Loeb’s re-boot, and Loeb’s re-boot by Loeb’s own design and admission has no room for Rich Rider.  So – if you’re a true Rich Rider fan, the best thing you can do is leave this NINO trash on the shelf at your local comic shop.  Cancel NINO from your pull list or digital purchase list.  Take Ultimate Spider-Man off the record list of your DVR.  Don’t buy New Warriors (in Name Only) because it headlines NINO.  A small push is all that’s needed to drive sales further down and hopefully eliminate NINO forever. 

In this issue of 1960’s Spiderman Inferiorly Re-packaged………..er……….I mean, NINO, the cover pretty much sums up everything that’s wrong with this book. 

Upon seeing the silly, cutesy, child-oriented cover of this book sitting on the shelf of the local comic shop, I immediately realized it was designed to make adults say, “Awwwwww – how cute – they’re playing dress-up” and without thinking buy this trash for their children.  Now – if they thought about it – what you’ve got depicted is two irresponsible minor children playing with a weapon of mass destruction and irresponsible parents allowing/encouraging them to do just that.  I know – I know – all the zombies will be quick to point out that “it’s not real – just fantasy.”  But is that the message you really want your impressionable children picking up from their “fantasy?”  And if you’re an adult – don’t you have to go to extraordinary effort to ignore the absurdity and suspend disbelief?  Doesn’t that extraordinary effort speak to the quality of the product and render it too puerile for adult consumption?  That’s the first thing that made bile begin to rise into my throat.  

Then I read the content of the word balloon and sneered because it sums up Marvel’s attitude about this book and the Nova concepts.  They refer to the customer as “dummies” (aka  “zombies”) and demand that you buy the book or be deprived of GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only).  Not much of a threat there for me.  If I owned any of Bendis’ GotGINO, the snaggle-toothed little idiot depicted on the cover would be welcome to come over and rip them up.  I just shook my head and let the nausea subside.  Brevoort has threatened repeatedly that we either buy NINO or there will be no “Nova” at all – and there is a paraphrase of that attitude in print right there on the cover of this book.  Fine.  I’ll take no “Nova” at all over NINO any day.  I’m not so desperate for a book that has “Nova” smeared across the cover that I’ll accept this trash.  But just out of curiosity – I’ve got a few questions for those still buying this crime against the Nova mythos:  Do you enjoy being taken for granted?  Doesn’t it upset you that Marvel is basically saying to you in print what a certain former Marvel Editor says to you on forums (i.e. “Bitch all you want.  I know you’ll still buy every issue”)?  Do you like being called “dummies” for buying an inferior product while they laugh and know you’ll buy it anyway?  Do you like a business trying to sell you something by making fun of you and insulting your intelligence?

I could stop writing now because the cover really does sum up the entire issue and everything that’s wrong with this book.  But – let’s press on anyway.

Once again NINO proves he’s a disgrace to the uniform.  First – NINO brings some radioactive material home and irradiates his neighborhood – endangering everyone’s lives.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Then he’s left babysitting his sister and he falls asleep failing to secure the “magic helmet.”  Whereupon his sister puts it on, gains the powers and blows a hole in the side of the house.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Then he intervenes in an accident and his actions cause someone’s house to catch fire and burn to the ground.  Brilliant, responsible, and heroic?  I think not.  Idiotic, irresponsible, and foolhardy?  I think so.

Further, in a recent interview, Duggan described NINO’s mother as a “soldier’s wife.”  He therefore tacitly acknowledges that Jesse and Sam are indeed “super-powered soldiers” and not classic vigilante “superheroes.”  The zombies are quick to point to New Mutants, Young Avengers, Robin, Teen Titans, etc. as examples of teen vigilante superheroes – using “precedent” as an argument to justify the morality of NINO’s existence as a child soldier.   I would point out that a soldier is not a vigilante.  A soldier is recruited according to set criteria and trained in the art and science of combat.  A soldier reports to and is empowered by a higher authority.  A soldier has a code of conduct, a duty, and a mission to perform – in other words, specified responsibilities.   NINO wears the uniform and carries the powers of a Nova Centurion – a living weapon of mass destruction – the backbone of Xandar’s military.  However, NINO is a 14-year-old child irresponsibly playing at being a soldier as if playing a video game. NINO has none of the training and commitment to duty of a true soldier.  NINO is also repeatedly sent into heavy kill-or-be-killed combat by adults who should know better than to endanger a child.  Xandar was never portrayed as a rogue civilization that used child soldiers like Somalian Pirates or Al Qaida.  Marvel/Disney is sending a bad message to the kiddies at whom this book is presumably aimed.  In a way, they’re glorifying the use of child soldiers in kill-or-be-killed combat.  NINO is not only a disgrace to the uniform, his very existence as a child soldier is immoral.  Before any zombie shouts, “Bucky!” – his existence as a 15-year-old child soldier was immoral, too.  Also – just to preclude the typical zombie arguments in defense of NINO, Rider was 17 (age of military enlistment eligibility in most Western nations) when he got the powers and 18 when he went to war.

Speaking of NINO’s mother – she once again proves that she’s unfit to lead a family.  She allows NINO to skip school – sending a message to the kiddies reading the book that school isn’t important.  Knowing of NINO’s irresponsibility, she leaves him to babysit and he falls asleep and allows his sister to endanger her life and the lives of others by playing with a weapon of mass destruction.  She repeatedly encourages NINO to fly off and endanger his life.  What kind of mother does things like this?  That is, besides the ones who have files with Child Protective Services?  And the Avengers, New Warriors, Beta Ray Bill and others who are age of majority also encourage this?  Is every adult in the Marvel 616 an idiot?  The zombies will again point out that this “isn’t real.”  Yeah zombies – I know that.  And will you admit that it’s so “unreal” that it’s absurdly and intelligence-insultingly stupid?  Is disrespect for school and teachers the message you want sent to children?  Don’t you want your entertainment to talk up to you?  Or has the zombie virus totally taken over your brains?

Face it, NINO represents the Justin Bieber-ization of the Nova concepts by a bunch of out-of-touch, middle-aged Marvel writers/editors who mistakenly think they can capture a young audience by re-packaging tired old comic book tropes and dressing them up with things that used to be of interest to 13-15-year-olds (video games, skateboarding, backward caps, slang expressions, etc).  Bieber-NINO is a miserable failure as proved by steadily falling sales despite the greatest marketing campaign I’ve ever seen for a new comic character (i.e.  cartoon appearances, video game appearances, variant covers, crossovers, merchandise, top artists, popular writers).  That should tell you something, Marvel Editors.  It should tell you that NINO is a bad concept.  It should also tell you that you’ve completely alienated the existing Rider Nova fan base because NINO sells less well than Rider Nova did without all the marketing hype.

Let me spell it out.  With NINO you have the right marketing strategy paired with the wrong (and terribly inferior) concept.  With Nova Volume IV, you had the wrong marketing strategy (i.e. non-existent) paired with the right (superior) concept.  I suppose it’s too much to expect Brevoort and Alonso to actually get something right, but the next step is obvious.  Nix Bieber-NINO, keep the marketing strategy, and apply it to a resurrected Volume IV Rider Nova.

I know that will never happen.  Bendis has said he’s had the story of Rich’s fate in mind since before NINO was even announced.  If that’s true, you can bet he’s not going to treat Rider Nova or his fans kindly.  Bendis will no doubt continue the humiliation treatment by definitively killing Rich, or completely de-powering Rich, or villain-izing Rich, or Bieber-izing Rich by revealing that he is really an age-regressed Sam, or bringing Rich back to play second-fiddle to NINO, or revealing that Rich is really the aged and broken-down-drunk-loser, Jesse.  What Bendis definitely won’t do is bring Rich back as the mature, powerful, Nova Prime from Volume IV – because that would be too much of a threat to Bieber-NINO – the absurd, immoral trash that Marvel desperately wants to sell.  Frankly, I would personally prefer Rich’s fate to remain in doubt until NINO fails and a better writing/editorial team comes along in the future that actually respects the Rider Nova character and his fans.  I don’t want Rich brought back to in any way play second-fiddle to NINO.  And I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes to have Rich brought back right – because I know that Bendis, Brevoort, and Alonso will just make Rich a NINO, too.  Better no Nova than NINO.

The Cosmic Triune

An Opinion-Editorial

By

Timelord

Nova:  The Showdown with Marvel Editorial

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Now is the time for all true Richard Rider Nova fans to come to the aid of their favorite character.

As everyone now knows, Bendis will reveal the fate of Richard Rider in Issue #18 of his GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only).  This development has been met with a great deal of consternation from Rider Nova fans worldwide – and for good reason given Marvel’s treatment of the character and fans of the character over the past two years.

A little background is in order.  The Annihilation event and subsequent Nova (Volume IV; 2007-2010) series redefined the Richard Rider character from the teenage Peter Parker-ish inspired iteration originating in Nova (Volume I; 1976-1979) and persisting in slightly modified form over succeeding volumes to a mature, powerful, battle-hardened leader of men.  Fans of the character celebrated this major change for the better, and most long-term fans believed that their favorite character had finally actualized the potential they had always longed for but only rarely glimpsed in the character.  Writers, Giffen and DnA, had recognized the same potential as the fans and acted to bring it to fresh, stunning and imaginative life; while most prior writers had merely focused on trying to re-create Spiderman.  In essence, with the new and improved Richard Rider Nova, we had a Nova for a new generation.

As an interesting aside, I’ve had personal communication with Marv Wolfman, creator of the Rider Nova character, and he indicated to me that he intended to take Rider Nova in the same direction as Giffen/DnA of more mature space-based adventures had his original series not been cancelled.  Essentially, the Peter Parker-ish similarities were originally used to sell the idea to Marvel Editorial and to get the comic book buyers of the 1976 era to give the series a try, but he always intended to evolve the character into something better, more mature, and unique for the era.  Sadly, Marvel Editorial has not shared such vision for the character and has been determined to keep the character/concept a “One-Trick Pony” – stuck forevermore in “pale imitation of Peter Parker” mode.  And that brings us to NINO (Nova In Name Only).

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As we all know, the best and all time fan-favorite Rider Nova iteration, Volume IV, was placed on “hiatus” in 2010 prior to The Thanos Imperative event.  Then Marvel EIC, Joe Quesada, stated that sales were not a factor in that decision; so fans naturally assumed that the series would resume after The Thanos Imperative event.  So we waited.  And we waited some more.  And we eventually learned that “hiatus” is apparently “Marvel-speak” for “cancellation.”  We then learned that Jeph Loeb had hijacked the Nova concepts and was replacing Rider with an obnoxious 13-year-old teen Peter-Parker-ish personality/storyline.  In other words, Loeb was back-stepping to the old clichés we’d finally overcome – in essence creating a “Nova” (In Name Only) for a past generation by once again re-packaging Spiderman, and in ultimate disrespect of the loyalty of the Rider Nova fans, he believed we’d buy anything with the word, “Nova,” smeared across the cover of the book. 

Marvel Editorial was complicit in the disrespect of the loyalty of the Rider Nova fans; suddenly declaring Rider “dead” (though the same treatment didn’t apply to Thanos, Drax, and Star-Lord since they were going to be in a movie soon) and therefore in need of a “replacement” even though Volume IV writers, DnA, had clearly stated in several interviews that Rider was merely temporarily “marooned” in the Cancerverse.  In an insincere attempt to assuage outraged Rider fans, Marvel EIC, Axel Alonso, said he expected the Rider Nova fans to “embrace” NINO and then faux-canonized Rider’s now ret-conned “death” as something too special to undo.  Yeah – right.  Somehow Rider’s “death” was too special but Thanos’, Star-Lord’s, and Drax’s same story/same cause/same event/same “death” wasn’t quite so special?  Hey Alonso – disingenuous much?

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I coined the protest term, NINO (Nova In Name Only), to set Loeb’s version apart from all other versions of true Rider Nova comic books.  We’ve now been afflicted with 16 cliché-filled issues of NINO sullying the concepts – all of them ranging from bottom-of-the-barrel to mediocre in quality.  Despite tons of marketing hype (that Volume IV never received) and numerous variant covers (featuring Deadpool of course), publicly available sales figures have ranged from nearly equivalent to less than Rider’s Volume IV sales – so Marvel Editorial, where’s the beef?  Where’s the proof that NINO is a better concept?  You’ve got none.  Despite your best efforts, NINO is a failure – critically and financially.  And when fans point that out, they are immediately attacked by one or more Marvel Editors (you know who I’m talking about).

So now Bendis is poised to tell us Rider’s fate.  Given his driving of GotGINO into the ground, I’ve previously described looking forward to his take about as much as I’d look forward to root canal surgery.  Many theories have been floated as to which comic book cliché Bendis will choose to explain Rider’s death.  Some believe Bendis will just flat out kill Rider as a means to solidify NINO in place as the goofy teen Lone Ranger “idiot” (Loeb’s own description of his own character) that Marvel Editorial seems to desperately want to sell.  Another theory is that Star-Lord was forced to kill Rich to escape the Cancerverse. Others have posited that Bendis will give Rich the Parallax treatment and turn him into a Shuma-Gorath-possessed villain before killing him as a means to formally hand the torch to NINO.  Another theory is that Thanos absorbed Rich’s powers and if Rich returns at all he’ll be de-powered.  Still others think that Jesse Alexander and/or Sam Alexander are time/alternate-universe-displaced versions of Rich. There are probably many more clichés I’ve failed to mention.  But so far, few believe that Rich will be brought back into the 616 to take his rightful place as the mature, powerful, Nova-Prime as that would be too much of a threat to the NINO that Marvel desperately wants to sell; even though NINO has been soundly rejected by most of Rider Nova fandom.

What I find most disturbing is the passive complacency many fans exhibit – acting as if there is nothing that can be done to affect the outcome of this process.  Might I remind you that Joe Quesada encouraged us to vote with our dollars?  It’s very simple.  If you want Rich back, stop buying NINO and send an email to Marvel telling them why you’re not buying NINO and why you want Rich back in his rightful place as Nova Prime.  Encourage all your friends to do the same.

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As far as I’m concerned, the only acceptable outcomes for GotGINO #18’s story of what happened to Rich Rider is for Rider to be returned to the 616 as Nova Prime intent on re-building Xandar and The Nova Corps or for Rider to be left alive marooned in the Cancerverse as a freedom-fighter for a better writing/editorial team in the future to bring back to the 616 once NINO inevitably and deservedly completely fails and is cancelled.

Let’s get organized and begin a showdown with Marvel Editorial.  Let’s make a pledge to kill NINO if Marvel kills, de-powers, or uses one of the other clichés mentioned above to marginalize Rich Rider.

What do I mean by “kill NINO?”  NINO is teetering on the edge of cancellation already – and NeWINO (New Warriors In Name Only) featuring NINO as the headliner character premiered to cancellation threshold sales.  It would just take a small push to end NINO and NeWINO. 

If all the true Rider Nova fans still buying NINO and NeWINO in vain hope of Rider’s return to Volume IV-era glory are once again disappointed and disrespected by Bendis’/Marvel Editorial’s upcoming explanation of Rider’s fate, and they would simply join the rest of us in boycotting NINO and NeWINO, then  NINO and NeWINO would be pushed into cancellation and Marvel would reap just punishment for disrespecting us and our favorite character.   With the most recent issues of NINO and NeWINO only selling 22K and 23K, respectively, a few thousand less buyers and both are done. 

It’s a very simple message to Marvel Editorial:  You allow Bendis to kill or otherwise marginalize Rich Rider, and we kill NINO and every other book in which NINO appears.  We also boycott all NINO merchandise and boycott the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon and the rumored upcoming GotG cartoon if it features NINO.  Better no Nova than NINO.

Hey – we’re just doing what Joe Quesada said and voting with our dollars.  We have the numbers to deal the death strike to NINO and GotGINO if Marvel once again disappoints us.  I say we use our power to maximum advantage.

Nix NINO!  Long live Rich Rider!

DISCUSS THIS IN THE COSMIC BOOK NEWS FORUMS

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You know those vinyl stickers you see on the rear windows of trucks?  The ones of Calvin taking a whiz on something the driver of the vehicle holds in disdain?  I think Brevoort and Alonso (hereinafter referred to as “Bonso”) must each have one of those stuck on the rear windows of their vehicles with Calvin’s target being the word, “Cosmic.” 

I never thought I’d be thinking of Quesada’s tenure as “The Good Old Days,” but at least he admitted that he didn’t like or understand Cosmic.  Then he had enough true leadership skills to give the fans what they wanted by getting out of the way and letting truly talented Cosmic writers create what became Marvel’s penultimate modern Cosmic universe.  Then along came Bonso and in a textbook demonstration of bad leadership, Bonso decided to “fix” what wasn’t broken. In creatively bankrupt fashion, Bonso re-packaged The Avengers and Spiderman  to give us the atrocious GotGINO (Guardians of the Galaxy In Name Only) and NINO (Nova In Name Only), respectively.  Seriously, Brevoort has said many times that in his opinion Nova was “coolest” as a goofy, teenaged, Lone Ranger-type flying around on Earth spouting one-liners and that the Nova Corps “wasn’t cool.”  Pretty much sounds like every issue of NINO doesn’t it?  You want to know who to blame for NINO?  Blame Bonso.

NINO #16 is embarrassingly bad cover-to-cover.  That’s why sales of this series are deservedly low and falling fast.

When I say, “bad cover-to-cover,” I mean it literally.  Beginning with the cover, we see NINO lifting Stormbreaker as if the little idiot is the least bit worthy of accomplishing such a feat.  The Beta Ray Bill fans should be offended – and I hope they respond by boycotting this issue and this series.  Everything NINO does proves he’s not worthy of his uniform or to lift Stormbreaker.  He treats life and death issues with all the seriousness of a video game.  He makes stupid mistakes that hurt and endanger people.  He has no respect for education or his elders.  The little idiot rides a skateboard around his little cow town and has no real fighting skills when he’s out of uniform.  What makes this so “cool,” Bonso?  I don’t see it.  It sounds lame.  It is lame.  You’re out of touch, Bonso.  Get out of the way and take Bendis, Loeb, and Duggan with you.  Cancel NINO.  Then let truly talented cosmic writers resurrect the better cosmic that existed before you came along.

It gets worse.

Inside the issue, Duggan produces a plot and dialogue worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon aimed at 5-year-olds.  NINO unbelievably bests a more experienced and better armed opponent; then screws up in disarming him.  Dumb.  Implausible.  He then “High-5’s” BRB (eye roll).  Then he tracks down the lame, hen-pecked bounty hunter who easily bested him a few (sad and atrocious) issues ago, has a totally uninteresting negotiation session with him, and then in sexist fashion both NINO and the bounty hunter are shown shaking in their boots in reaction to the bounty hunter’s shrewish wife.  So where’d you get that sexist plot element, Duggan?  Perhaps a late 1950’s or early 1960’s network situation comedy? How original of you.

The art and coloring have long been the only saving graces of NINO.  They’re certainly acceptable, but nothing to rave about by any stretch. 

In short, the only saving grace of this book is that it takes about 5 torturous minutes to read.  At least the pain is over quickly.

I did like one single line in this issue.  Cosmo has had enough of NINO’s idiocy and says, “I miss the old Nova.”  So do I, Cosmo.  So do all of us long-term fans of the one and only true human Nova, Rich Rider.  Nix NINO!  Bring back Rich Rider and The Nova Corps!  

And the foolishness continues.

Duggan has been writing Deadpool so long that he’s forgotten how to write anything else (if he ever could write anything else in the first place).  This issue of NINO is just silly, campy, DUMB child-oriented fantasy at its absolute worst.

I think about so many titles that were so much better than this garbage – Agents of Atlas, Young Allies, Incredible Hercules – (not to mention Volume II of Guardians of the Galaxy and Volume IV of Nova) – and Marvel keeps this trash on life support?  There’s something in the works we don’t know about at this point.

We do know that Bendis is going to write the fate of Rich Rider as part of his GotGINO tie-ins to Original Sin.  That ought to be about as enjoyable as a combined root canal and colonoscopy.  There’s one thing we can count on:  with Bendis, Brevoort, Alonso, Loeb, Wacker, and Duggan having anything to do with it, Rich definitely won’t be returning – at least not in any way any Rider Nova fan will find satisfying.  The Marvel Clown Car drivers are determined to cram NINO down our throats.  If you’re still buying NINO, you’re just making it easier for them.

Anyway, in this issue NINO continues to bumble his way through the situation somehow using powers he’s never been trained to use in heavy combat situations to best THREE rogue Spaceknights. Yeah. That’s plausible.  He then takes a break to attend school. Yeah. That’s plausible, too.  At school, he sleeps through class (great message to the kiddies at whom this book is aimed), and then agrees with his science teacher that there are no aliens.  I guess that teacher slept through Bendis’ Secret Invasion?  Come to think of it, I did, too, after I got bored with counting all the alien invasion movie concepts Bendis ripped-off while writing that utterly derivative and boring “event.”

Next issue’s cover features the little idiot lifting Stormbreaker.  NINO isn’t worthy of the uniform he’s usurped – and Marvel wants to portray him as worthy enough to lift Stormbreaker, too?  Yeah – you’ve pretty much got to have the mentality of an 8-year-old to buy into the entire concept of NINO.  I find myself rooting for the villains in every issue.  I’d rejoice if one of them killed the little idiot.

The funny thing is that Duggan et al just keep doubling-down on everything that isn’t working despite falling sales that should be telling them that the NINO concept has been soundly rejected.  Nix NINO, and bring back a Rider Nova book aimed at adult readers is the message Brevoort and Alonso are deliberately ignoring to push the worthlessness that is NINO.

The art and coloring are certainly acceptable; though I found portraying Cosmo to be morbidly obese a bit off-putting.  But, again, that’s just a single off-putting example of a book filled to the brim with off-putting bastardizations and ret-cons of the much better true cosmic that preceded it written by actual talented cosmic writers such as Giffen and DnA.  Marvel’s strategy of firing the talented writers and bringing in the hacks has worked wonders for cosmic hasn’t it?  Good job Alonso and Brevoort.

So buckle-up Rider Nova fans.  Unfortunately it’s been bad – but the worst is yet to come.  Marvel isn’t through insulting, disrespecting, and underestimating us.  They’ve commissioned Bendis to deal the death blow.  They think we’re too few in number to matter, and that we’ll eventually just give up and/or fade away – and they want to hurry that process along with Bendis writing Rich’s ultimate dire fate.  Let’s prove them wrong.  Join me in continuing to boycott NINO.  Boycott Original Sin and GotGINO, too.  Marvel needs to be punished in the only manner they understand – monetarily – for their “original sin” of running cosmic into the ground and disrespecting/insulting/underestimating cosmic fans in general and the Rider Nova fans in particular.

It’s faint praise but this issue is probably the best of the worst thus far.

I say that only because Duggan mangles the Nova Corps mythos a tad less than usual, and of course, because Rich Rider and Cosmo make cameo appearances.  Also, Knowhere is back to being portrayed as a Celestial head floating in the Big Rip rather than Bendis’ recent portrayal of it as a desert planet in a binary system (ripping off Star Wars’ Tatooine).  Otherwise, this issue is yet another completely forgettable waste of time, money, and paper.

NINO himself remains an obnoxious and thoroughly unlikable disgrace to the Nova Corps uniform and legacy.  As usual, he bumbles his way through situations – implausibly and unbelievably utilizing powers he’s never been trained to use during heavy combat situations that he’s never been formally trained to manage.  And, as usual, the cute sugary coating that overlies this intelligence-insulting series fairly oozes off each page threatening to send even non-diabetic readers into a hyperglycemia-induced coma.  They’re just desperate to turn this tripe into a Disney kiddie movie aren’t they?

That’s one of the things that bothers me most about this despicable series.  It isn’t enough that Loeb, Alonso, Brevoort, and Duggan disrespect and insult true long-term Rider Nova fans by replacing him with an annoying child, they also insist on dumbing down the storylines and concepts to pre-teen level.

Continuing Bendis’ wrong-headed ret-conning of Knowhere into an alternate universe version of Tatooine’s Mos Eisley spaceport, Duggan lifts the Han Solo vs Greedo bar scene right out of Star Wars Episode IV.   Hey Duggan – have you ever actually read a science-fiction novel?  Or does your total understanding of cosmic (like Bendis’) come from being a casual Star Wars fan?  It sure seems like the latter. 

Here’s the main difference between DnA’s Nova/GotG and Loeb’s-Duggan’s NINO/Bendis’ GotGINO:  DnA’s work read like a well-written science-fiction novel that respected readers’ adult mentality, and Loeb’s-Duggan’s NINO/Bendis’ GotGINO read like comic books aimed at children and/or zombies who’ll buy anything.  It’s the difference between DnA’s entertaining, intriguing, imaginative, original, high- quality work that respects the characters and fans, and Loeb’s/Bendis’/Duggan’s pedestrian, forgettable, un-imaginative, derivative, hackneyed trash which disrespects the characters and fans.

In an obvious attempt to “throw a bone” to Rider Nova fans, Duggan et al includes a cameo flashback of Rich Rider coming to BRB’s rescue in a heretofore unknown meeting between BRB and Rich.  Surprisingly, Rich is treated with respect (for a change) by this (so-called) “creative” team.  I suppose this appearance is supposed to satisfy us and make us shut up about Marvel’s shabby treatment of the Rider Nova character and the Rider Nova fans?  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  You’re going to have to do much better than that Marvel Editors.

It was nice to see Cosmo again, but of course Duggan can’t resist turning him into a joke character, and, of course, NINO is completely disrespectful to Cosmo.  That’s another of the reasons I just can’t stand the little “idiot” that is the NINO character.  NINO – much like his patrons on Marvel’s editorial staff – simply doesn’t realize how inferior he is not only to his predecessor whose title he usurped, but to all the other cosmic characters with whom he interacts.

The art and coloring in this issue are certainly acceptable, but they aren’t enough to justify investing one red cent in this series.  If you’re a true cosmic fan and a true fan of Rider Nova, the best thing you can do is leave this trash on the shelf.  If we all continue the boycott of Loeb’s/Marvel’s callous insult to true Rider Nova fandom maybe we’ll be rewarded with the phrase, “Final Issue,” smeared across the cover before issue #20 of NINO hits the shelves.  Better no Nova than NINO.

Nix NINO!