The Flash Review: Atrocious, Embarrassing, Worst Superhero Movie Of All Time

Warning: Spoilers are present in the following review for this complete trash piece of shit flick.

Warning: Spoilers are present in the following review for this complete trash piece of shit flick.

The Flash Review: Atrocious, Embarrassing, Worst Superhero Movie Of All Time

I just got out of The Flash about half an hour ago and have been tweeting my thoughts and they are not good. Not good at all.

The Flash is absolutely fucking atrocious, a complete embarrassment, and one of the worst superhero movies of all time.

The movie is a disservice to the fans, a disservice to the comic books, a disservice to Zack Snyder and the DCEU, and I have ZERO f’n faith that David Zaslav (just sell WB already), James Gunn, and Andy Muschietti will be able to do anything respectable with the DC characters and the rebooted DCU.

Yes, The Flash is that bad.

Both Zaslav and Gunn have said the flick is the best superhero movie of all time. Well, we know Zaslav was spinning that just to sell tickets or he is simply a complete moron, or both, and now we know that James Gunn is a complete mother fucking sell-out. It’s unbelievable.

First, who in their right mind would write a script featuring not one Ezra Miller, not two Ezra Millers, but THREE Ezra Millers! With each one worst than the next! And who in their right mind would greenlight the script, and who in their right mind would direct this complete pile of trash? Andy Muschietti is supposed to take on Batman next? Are you fucking kidding me?

How’s Ezra Miller?

Ezra Miller plays Barry Allen and The Flash as a dimwit, as a f’n weirdo with a bunch of weirdo friends. The second younger version of him is simply unbearable and much like Barry in the movie, makes you want to puke and keep puking. I can barely stand Miller as The Flash as it is, but having an even more obnoxious version doesn’t come off as funny at all, what it does is give you a headache.

The jokes – if you want to call them that – are just fucking stupid, and any time the flick got cool or the least bit of serious, a dumb f’n joke would be inserted — and they sucked. Fire Andy Muschietti. Fire the producers. Fire the fk out of everybody associated with the movie.

How’s the story?

The story is dumb as fk. Yeah, Barry travels back in time to save his mom, a noble thing to do and something that has happened in the comics and the MUCH better TV show starring Grant Gustin (Grant they did you a favor by not including you!). However, while the comics and the TV show have a super cool villain, The Flash movie has NO villain! Zod isn’t the f’n villain! Is the third The Flash the villain? F’k no! He’s just trying to do the same thing the first two dummies have been doing but has been doing it a lot longer! Yep! He’s dumb as fuck!

Question: Didn’t ANYBODY associated with this movie ever happen to think that Barry or his dad would wonder WHO THE FUCK KILLED MOM?! WTF! Barry has his head so far up his own ass that he doesn’t once ponder who came into his house and stabbed his mom? Or did she fall on the knife herself? It’s unbelievable how stupid this movie is.

What about Michael Keaton as Batman?

Keaton as Batman is the only thing positive about this flick, but I will say his opening scene was fucking atrocious. His first appearance in over 30 years and he’s some hermit with long hair. Wrong way to go in my mind. Should have been a lot cooler, a lot less jokey. He’s Bruce Wayne. He’s Batman (says so himself).

What about Sasha Calle as Supergirl and Michael Shannon as Zod?

She was actually okay, though she did look like a 14-year-old boy, which of course was intentional. They borrowed her story from the comics, written by Geoff Johns which again are lightyears better than this trash, but you know what? She didn’t matter one damn bit. Same with Zod and Faora (what a waste there). Speaking of, how can the CGI from Man of Steel made over ten years ago look better than this movie?

What about Ben Affleck as Batman and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman?

It was great to see Affleck back as Batman as we all know he went through a lot of bullshit with the previous regime. However, I thought his suit and special effects, just like the entire movie, were really, really bad.

The scene with Wonder Woman was I guess okay, but how desperate were they to achieve “Marvel” jokes that it all just comes off as f’n stupid. Gal Gadot will be missed as Wonder Woman, but Gadot and Jenkins f’d everything up with WW84 (Gadot produced, her first producer gig, so adios).

What about George Clooney as Batman?

It was hideous but fitting. George Clooney stars in one of the worst superhero movies of all time with Batman & Robin and he does so again in The Flash. NOBODY wanted Clooney back. NOBODY!!!

You know what the scene also does?

Exactly as I said my sources filled me in, it leaves the possibility that Ezra Miller can return as The Flash, because as of right now, he is “stuck” in a different universe but can come back or travel to other universes simply by moving soup cans. Fk that!

Fuck Jason Momoa, too.

The post-credit with Barry and Jason Momoa as Aquaman is a spit in the face to Aquaman, to Aquaman fans, and especially to Zack Snyder.

Snyder cast Momoa as Aquaman and gave him his big break and Momoa now shits all over the character as he is desperate to continue his shitty acting career by playing Lobo for James Gunn in the upcoming DCU clown world. Momoa is a f’n sell out.

CGI/Special Effects are f’n horrible

The CGI and special effects in the ENTIRE movie are just horrible. From the opening where Barry races to Gotham, it all looks like shit and is actually worse than The CW. All the Batsuits look like shit, The Flash special effects look like shit, again Zod and the Kryptonians look like shit, so does Supergirl — and especially those Speed Force scenes! They are f’n hideous! My 15-year-old son who I took, who also thought the movie is garbage, remarked, those scenes look like the characters are all made of wax. Yep, they do! And Andy Muschietti said they did that on purpose? Yeah, to save money! Again, fire everybody associated with this dumpster fire of a movie!

What about the cameos?

As they were all done with CGI, they all look f’n atrocious, too! The coolest by far is Nicolas Cage as Superman fighting the spider, but what an opportunity missed as it looks like crap! And Andy Muschietti! You NEVER confirm spoilers prior to the release of a movie! NEVER! So some website said whatever — you don’t f’n confirm it and spoil it for f’n EVERYBODY!!! Well, you know what? You do that when you are mother fucking desperate!

The Flash gets a half-star review

Final thoughts?

Send Blue Beetle to HBO Max and completely scrap Aquaman 2. The DC brand is fucking dead.

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