The Acolyte Episode 6 Review: Bob Iger Got Ripped Off

I’m wondering if The Acolyte‘s Leslye Headland got together with the showrunners of HBO’s House of the Dragon in order to sync up the episodes released this week because there’s a whole bunch of nothing happening. Wow.

Both shows feature useless dialogue and a bunch of dicks swinging in the wind.

This episode of The Acolyte is like watching wet paint dry: it’s slow, boring, with a never-ending and tediously underdeveloped plot. They didn’t have to waste another episode to set things up. We get it. It comes off completely useless save for minor parts that could have been incorporated into previous episodes.

At least House of the Dragon cost a heck of a lot less than The Acolyte, and it looks ten times better. I ask: Where the fuck did the budget of The Acolyte go?

The budget for The Acolyte is said to be north of $180 million. The episodes have hardly any action, the special effects are average, and most of the time, the characters just stand around and talk. I also believe the episodes of The Acolyte have a much shorter runtime. Someone took Bob Iger to the cleaners.

Regarding the episode, there’s not much to talk about because nothing significant happens. Like previous episodes in the series, they could have easily incorporated what happened into other episodes and condensed the whole show (or expanded with certain parts if the writing were better). They didn’t have to waste another episode to set things up. We fucking get it! It’s just blah, blah, blah, blah, fucking blah.

What happens in the episode? It’s more of the same. We’re standing around waiting for something to happen. Just as I previously mentioned in a review, now there is only one episode left to explain things because, apparently, next week is another pointless and time-wasting flashback episode.

Headland already said she isn’t counting on a second season and isn’t working on a Season 2, so why didn’t she throw everything into this season?

There has been no story progression and no character development at all in any of the episodes. If anything, the character development has gone backwards.

Right from the start, we knew Osha and Mae are opposites and that they don’t get along. Where is this all going? The season is over. Again, there’s only one episode left to wrap things up. Next week will likely feature the “big reveal” of what the Jedi did to the witches—if you even want to call them Jedi.

Master Sol? He’s more like Master Bitch. He’s no Jedi. Same with Master Vernestra (and the whip? another of Headland’s fetishes likely coming to light, and the actresses who plays Vernestra is her wife).

They’re conniving, they’re liars, they hide things, and they follow their emotions. As I watched tonight’s episode, I couldn’t help but shake my head, remembering George Lucas’ Jedi—this joke of a series is nothing like them. And again, where’s the Force? It’s nowhere to be found.

How about Qimir? In this episode, he again mentions how his gimp helmet protects his mind from being read, but last episode, when his helmet was off, Sol didn’t do jack shit. And that’s Sol for you—he doesn’t do jack shit! He’s crying and moping around—he ain’t no f’n Jedi!

And why did they include that scene where Osha was looking at Qimir’s dick? They’ve already hinted that Osha has a crush on Jecki. The scene made no sense and could easily have taken place elsewhere which would have achieved the same result.

And then Osha puts on the gimp mask and starts breathing like motherf’n Darth Vader! Hilarious!

Or how about Qimir fixes his helmet made out of Cortosis that absorbs energy as seen in the last episode with an energy beam tool???

Oh, and the Rocket Raccoon wannabe is also useless. Instead of attempting to communicate to Sol that it’s not Osha, he starts humping her leg, and then Mae gets spurted in the face? WTF? What does it have to do with anything? What did it achieve? Just like the Qimir swim scene. Again, who is writing this crap?

I know I heard it somewhere and it’s true: What Kathleen Kennedy has been trying to do is to one-up everything that George Lucas has done. Well, it’s been an epic fail, full of shitting writing just for the sake of propping up a certain group of people over another. Where’s the story?

Episode gets a 1/10 rating. Absolutely, useless.

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