Creature Commandos Episode 4 Review: Simps & Lazy Writing

Creature Commandos Episode 4 is now out, and it continues the series’ downward trend. It’s packed with eye-rolling moments and more lazy writing. If you were expecting even a hint of thought or effort put into this series, you expected too much. That’s a shame, too, because it had the potential to be something great. Instead of delivering a super-cool story, James Gunn and company focus on lecturing and life lessons. Episode 4 is, without a doubt, the worst of the series so far.

As I mentioned in my Episode 3 review, Episode 4 sticks to the same predictable formula. This episode focuses on Weasel, so once again, we get present-day content, Weasel’s backstory, and a song meant to make us feel sorry for him. Rinse and repeat—on to the next episode.

The episode picks up right where Episode 3 left off, with Circe captured. It opens with a conversation between Flag and Illana, during which she makes a comment about how the United States kills people (cue the eye roll). As I mentioned in my review of the first two episodes, Flag continues to come off as a wuss.

Speaking of… they bring Circe to the United States, specifically to Belle Reve prison. While they’re getting off the plane, Frank the Simp (as I call him) is shown in a helicopter spying on them. As established in a previous episode, Frank is apparently a quadrillionaire, yet somehow can’t get laid. So, when Frank sees The Bride talking with Flag, he gets jealous, has a meltdown, and kills the two guys he hired to fly the helicopter—which then crashes.

So, you’re telling me a super-secret prison that houses some of the most dangerous beings in the world has no air security? And when the helicopter crashes, no one notices the massive fire that’s visible for miles? Seriously?

The only cool scene in the entire episode comes next, when Circe gives Waller a vision of Illana, Gorilla Grodd, Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman—which I break down here. It’s a really awesome moment, but let’s be real, you know it’s never actually happening.

After Circe gives Waller the vision, Waller decides to act on it. Okay, cool. She tells Flagg to get the team together. Since they’re already on good terms with Illana, it shouldn’t be too hard for them to head back into Pokolistan to kill her. Waller believes Circe’s vision and is ready to act on it. So far so good.

Rick the Bitch (my new name for him) doesn’t like the orders and refuses to comply pleading with “Amanda.” Why? Because he banged Illana, and Waller even calls him out on it, straight-up labeling him as a leader who is a “whiny little bitch”—and rightfully so. Rick the Bitch wants no part of it and walks away. So, what does Waller do? She needs a real bitch to lead the team. Yep. The Bride becomes the new leader of the team. And what does Rick the Bitch do next? He commits full-on treason by trying to call Illana and warn her that the U.S. government is planning to kill her!

We’re not done yet, as Frank the Simp crosses paths with Rick the Bitch. When Rick the Bitch gets home and starts unlocking his door, Frank the Simp crashes a car and attacks him. Despite being a supposedly special ops-trained fighter, Rick the Bitch doesn’t confront Frank the Simp. Instead, he fumbles with his keys, trying to get inside, which leads to a scuffle. During the fight, Frank the Simp accuses Rick the Bitch of being involved with The Bride, which Rick denies. Frank the Simp then has a meltdown and cries, proving he’s just as much of a big bitch.

We’re not done yet, as Weasel’s backstory is finally revealed. Remember how they said in previous episodes that he killed all those kids? Well, as everyone probably guessed, it turns out Weasel didn’t actually kill them. The scene shows Weasel playing with kids at a school when some creepy old white guy with missing teeth spots him. The man grabs a shotgun from his shed and calls the police. Meanwhile, the kids wander into the school basement because the door was unlocked. They snag a bottle of booze from a teacher’s desk, and one kid finds matches. They accidentally start a fire but don’t seem scared. Then, the old man barges into the basement, guns blazing, recklessly firing even with kids all around. A stray bullet hits a gas line (or something similar), and as the police arrive, the entire school explodes.

We’re still not done. Next, the police spot Weasel and immediately assume he’s responsible for killing the kids, who are shown lying on the floor of the burning basement. The white cops open fire on Weasel, even as he picks up a little girl he befriended—still alive—holding her by her clothes in his mouth. Do the cops care about the girl? Nope. They keep shooting at Weasel, completely ignoring the fact that he’s trying to save her. They corner him, and Weasel eventually drops the girl. So, what do the cops do? With fire raging all around, do they try to rescue the girl? Of course not. Instead, they jump on Weasel and take him into custody. WTF!

Also worth mentioning, at the start of the episode, during The Bride and Rick the Bitch’s conversation, The Bride noticed a suspicious blond white guy out of the corner of her eye. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t belong there and is likely trying to infiltrate the prison. He could be one of the Sons of Themyscira and is more than likely another of Gunn’s right-wing incels straight out of his wet dreams.

Creature Commandos Episode 4 gets a 2/10 for shitty and thoughtless writing whose sole purpose it to make men look fucking ridiculous and stupid.