The Acolyte Episode 5 Review: Inconsistent Glorified Star Wars Fan-Fic

The trainwreck of The Acolyte continues, as Episode 5 is nothing more than showrunner Leslye Headland’s inconsistent take on glorified Star Wars fan-fic.

Are there some cool moments? Sure. Do they make up for the past four episodes of complete garbage? Nope. Does the episode do anything to progress the story that we’ve known from previous episodes? Nope. There are only three episodes left, with one reportedly involving more flashback scenes, so that leaves only about two episodes to wrap things up. And there is A LOT to wrap up.

Note: Spoilers follow.

First, the cool things:

The lightsaber battles and fight scenes were mostly done really well, and the death scenes were awesome. I found myself saying, ‘Holy shit!’

Did you ever think Headland would kill off Dafne Keen’s Jecki? Who else was begging for both Mae and Osha to be next?! And how about Charlie Barnett’s Yord getting his neck snapped?! That was the ‘Holy shit!’ moment for me. I didn’t think Headland had it in her.

The scene where the villain force-pulled one Jedi into a lightsaber already stuck inside another Jedi was pretty cool. I also liked how the lightsaber fight scenes weren’t overly goofy, unlike the Darth Maul prequel fights with all the acrobatic flips. That one episode of Ahsoka did it well, too.

Mae vs Osha looked lame

The one fight scene I didn’t like was between Mae and Osha.

Osha had Mae’s wrist, arm, and shoulder barred, but Mae somehow reversed it, which didn’t look right. If anything, Mae should have tried to roll forward to escape. Then Mae had Osha in a hold, but Osha escaped too easily. It came off as lame. I’ve done martial arts, so I can spot these things. More than likely, the normies didn’t notice.

What I didn’t like:

Dafne Keen’s Jecki is OP as fuck? Huh? So she’s a child Padawan better than Master Idara? Is she even a Jedi Knight? That said, her death was unexpected and again f’n awesome. I appreciated that.

Also, so Mae can kill a Master Jedi with her knives but not one little Padawan? Hilarious.

Mae again comes off useless and nothing like she was portrayed in the first two episodes. Osha is also useless.

How about the switcheroo? Mae is able to change clothes with Osha in minutes? Or how about either Master Sol or the Sith don’t know they switched places??? Where the fuck is the Force in all this? So what is going to happen? Mae and Osha become the ‘power of one’ in the final episode after doing nothing for seven episodes and kill the Sith? Yawn.

WTF is Cortosis?

If you were left scratching your head about how the villain’s Magneto-like helmet damaged the lightsabers, it’s because it’s made of a mineral called cortosis, which ‘magically’ shorts out lightsabers.

This is the first appearance of cortosis in Star Wars canon, as it initially appeared in a book and a comic book. I think it’s pretty dumb myself, but it shows they did their homework.

Worth mentioning is that when Jecki gives the helmet a couple of elbows, it knocks it off and breaks it. That’s because the mineral is brittle, which also explains the helmet’s appearance (other than Headland’s fantasies involving a gimp mask). What’s odd, though, is they didn’t bother to do their homework with Ki-Adi-Mundi (more on that below).

Regarding the Magneto-like helmet, so Qimir uses it to shield his thoughts from the Jedi or Master Sol. Well, once the helmet is off nothing happens?

A quick note regarding Ki-Adi-Mundi:

In this episode, the villain tells Master Sol he’s a Sith (is he?).

Star Wars shills are trying to argue that news of the Sith might not make its way back to the Jedi Temple if all the Jedi die. Okay, but even if they all die, the Jedi will certainly investigate. When they find the bodies, they’ll see the deaths were caused by a lightsaber. So, who did it? This goes back to earlier episodes where killing Jedi seems like an everyday thing, as if it’s no big deal. Someone killed a dozen Jedi. Hello? Can anyone do that???

Underwhelming villain reveal:

The villain reveal is underwhelming and leaves many questions. It’s the goofy guy, Qimir. He just wants to be himself, so he’s a Sith. A self-proclaimed Sith? Is there another? I hope so. Is it one of the moms? Or does one of the moms identify as a ‘grey’? F’n hilarious.

Oh, and Qimir wants his own Padawan? How does Qimir fit into the history of Osha and Mae? Why does he give a fuck? Or does he just want a friend? I hope Leslye Headland has answers to these questions; otherwise, The Acolyte is even worse than it is now.

I did like when Qimir called Jecki an “it.” Ruthless, lol (unless he knows Jecki identifies as an “it?”).

First 5 should have been narrowed down to 3 episodes

Again, there are only two to three episodes left to explain things. The first five episodes could have easily been condensed into three, making the story more consistent if better thought out. Where did the $180M budget go? Someone needs to do an audit, ASAP.

While this episode features some really cool lightsaber fight scenes (sure to wow the stans and shills), the inconsistent storytelling and lack of story progression makes the episode deserve a 5/10 rating.

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